What's in your fencing bag?

Discussion in 'Water Cooler' started by Svidrigailov, Apr 27, 2005.

  1. Svidrigailov

    Svidrigailov Rookie

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    I believe there was a similar thread, but I couldn't find it...anyway, a pretty trippy thing happened to me last monday...

    I went to meet a friend of mine for a drink after my fencing lesson and naturally took my bag with me to meet her. We ended up at this sort of posh bar in Soho (new york) that was a little crowded, and so I started pissing the hell out of everyone with my rather large soudet fencing bag, full of swords and sweaty kevlar.

    eventually, this man walks over to me and asks what's in the fencing bag. I told him, and he giggled and led me over to a table with a bunch of other people. Then I was introduced to a lady that must have been in her seventies, and looked in all forms and ways like a sweet grandmother. The people asked her to guess what was in my fencing bag; the short dialogue that follows summarizes the conversation that follows and is as accurate as my memory allows:

    Man1: so guess what's in that bag ma?...(whispering to me) lead her on, keep her guessing, it will be fun...
    Grandmother: hmm...well...it looks like...dildos.
    Me: Dildos!? This bag is enormous! Would never carry a dildo in a bag this size!
    Grandmother: Well, they could be those big black ones you know...
    Me: No, no...were to have one of those, I certainly wouldn't bring it here...
    Grandmother: Then I don't know what it is!
    Me: Guess again...you weren't so far off the first time. I carry phallic symbols in here after all...

    The grandmother kept looking pretty confused, and after a few more words I sorta got pulled away from this group, and back into the safety of my own friends.

    Has anyone had anything similar happen to them?
     
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  2. Epee_Pox

    Epee_Pox Rookie

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    No tales of hilarity, sadly. I just get folks on the street asking me what instrument I play. And even a few who ask where I fence.
     
  3. fencerontheline

    fencerontheline Podium

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    A,
    This has often happened to me. Every time they ask if I have a giant, 3 foot long black dildo strapped to my back... I reply Yes, wink, and walk away.


    ~MJD
     
  4. InweCiryatan

    InweCiryatan Rookie

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    Great story. :jester: I've never had anything similar happen to me, though.
     
  5. swordwench

    swordwench is a Verified Fencing Expertswordwench Podium

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    FOTL: I can't imagine what good something like that would do ***strapped to your back***, but whatever floats your boat... Oh my.

    Inwe: You're still trying to figure out what a dildo is, aren't you? ;)

    Both of my grandmothers are now rolling over in their graves at the mere thought of this exchange. Me? I'm more concerned that the local cops are going to pull me over for speeding, pop the trunk, and assume there's a BODY in my bag. The thing is huge, heavy, and it's jammed with all sorts of shapes and interesting things that I just might need that night.

    I am curious, though, what sorts of things people have in their bags right now. Non-kit-related items.
     
  6. InweCiryatan

    InweCiryatan Rookie

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    I'm not stupid and/or deaf, Swordwench :p
    I've actually had someone ask me if I had a dead body in my bag. Lol, forgot about that. I told them yes, of course, and a little girl's eyes got really big and she kept glancing nervously at my bag. :cool2:
     
  7. Zilverzmurfen

    Zilverzmurfen Rookie

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    Not quite but...once carrying my fencing bag on the tram to the club I rceived some admiring looks from a man, together with the words:

    "Oh diving, that's such a graceful sport! How long have you been doing it?"

    :confused: :rolleyes:

    I mean...yes, I really need this huge bag to carry my bikini in!!! :frightene :(
     
  8. rmyounis

    rmyounis Rookie

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    I can't afford a real fencing bag...I just make do with a duffel and carry the epees separately :angry: :angry:
     
  9. swordwench

    swordwench is a Verified Fencing Expertswordwench Podium

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    Kind of like Connor MacLeod walking through the garage in the original Highlander, epees concealed under your trenchcoat? There can be only one!
     
  10. rmyounis

    rmyounis Rookie

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    Yes! I'm that cool!


    Errr, really it's more like Tom Arnold in any random movie where he's a klutz and keeps tripping over his own stuff :p
     
  11. parrythis

    parrythis Podium

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    Sounds like a business opportunity!!!

    1. Buy a bunch of fencing bags

    2. Create a web-site selling them as dildo bags

    3. Link to the web-site from porn web-sites

    4. Make millions

    5. Retire and fence all you want.

    :jester:
     
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  12. swordwench

    swordwench is a Verified Fencing Expertswordwench Podium

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    Hey, wait... isn't this what you did? ;)
     
  13. Larrison

    Larrison Rookie

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    *laughing* Well, when I'm going or coming from the salle, my wallet with my drivers license is usually zipped into one of the pockets on my fencing bag.

    I've sort of wondered what would happen if I got pulled over by the police for a traffic ticket.

    Me: *Rolling down the window" Yes, officer?

    Officer: May I see your license and registration please?

    Me: *Unlocking door and getting out* "Yes sir. I have to get it out of the back of the car.

    Me: *Going around to the back of the car and opening it.* It's in my weapons bag.

    Officer: *Looking suspicious* Weapons bag? Say what type of.... are those swords in there??!!

    Me: *Rooting around in the bag looking for my wallet and replying absentmindedly" Yes sir.

    Officer: Freeze! Keep your hands where I can see them! *Leveling weapon on me* (On radio) Car 14 calling for immediate backup! Suspect armed and dangerous!

    ----------------------------------------
    *laughing* Well I hope it doesn't come down to that......

    May I should keep a quarter for a phone call and the number of a good bail bondsman in my bag too...
     
  14. swordwench

    swordwench is a Verified Fencing Expertswordwench Podium

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    I think if you join AAA, you get a get-out-of-jail-free card. Or a bondsman or something like that.

    I now carry my license and cell phone in my front seat, just to avoid that very scenario. It has crossed my mind too many times... and I drive too fast...
     
  15. rmyounis

    rmyounis Rookie

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    Being both of Arab descent and a fencer, I fear the day I get pulled over coming back from practice :p
     
  16. Svidrigailov

    Svidrigailov Rookie

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    Trouble

    Judging by people's responses, it seems like carrying a fencing bag invites all sorts of trouble...which isn't a bad thing necessarily. Yet...there must be something about fencing bags that attracts weirdos!

    ...can someone please design a bag that attracts lithe blondes instead of people who think divers carry 90 million bikinis around at all times?
     
  17. swordwench

    swordwench is a Verified Fencing Expertswordwench Podium

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    rmyounis: Sadly, not as much as they'll fear you. :(
     
  18. Svidrigailov

    Svidrigailov Rookie

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    more trouble

    as long as you're not an Arab, a fencer, AND on top of everything a pilot, like my best friend gabriel, I think you'll be ok :)
     
  19. rmyounis

    rmyounis Rookie

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    I got pulled over for having a busted headlight not too long after September 11th, and the cop looked at me for a minute, looked at the name on my liscense, and called for backup. I thought it was hilarious in a way - made me feel daaaaaangerous :p :p
     
  20. MyrddinsPrecint

    MyrddinsPrecint Podium

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    yes, but if you were wearing a bikini when you were diving......... at least you would be naked when you got out of the pool..............
     

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