President outsourced

Discussion in 'Water Cooler' started by jeff, Jul 16, 2004.

  1. jeff

    jeff Podium

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2002
    Messages:
    5,146
    Likes Received:
    335
    A special fantasy, especially for those who feel the government should use all of private enterprise's methods for cost reduction:

    Washington D.C. -- Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

    "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid Congress research arm, the General Accounting Office has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.

    "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman Smith said. Exporting American jobs has been a popular trend lately, ironically at the urging of President Bush.

    Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.

    "I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought fer sure I'd have some job security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he further lamented.

    Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open.

    "I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."

    Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern.

    The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr. Bush here in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself."

    Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
     
  2. Inquartata

    Inquartata Podium

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2001
    Messages:
    36,282
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    LOL. :)

    ( Plus more characters. )
     
  3. Tireur

    Tireur Rookie

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2003
    Messages:
    1,290
    Likes Received:
    12
    Sanji will probably show more insight and have more appreciation of the responsibilty of the position than any of the current crop of wannabes.
     
  4. Tireur

    Tireur Rookie

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2003
    Messages:
    1,290
    Likes Received:
    12
    As long as he doesn't promote special tax breaks for his wife's tikka sauce company.
     
  5. Max

    Max Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2004
    Messages:
    297
    Likes Received:
    12
    What site is that off of?
     
  6. Inquartata

    Inquartata Podium

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2001
    Messages:
    36,282
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    What, you're so sure that Jeff couldn't have written it himself? How cynical! :)
     
  7. jeff

    jeff Podium

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2002
    Messages:
    5,146
    Likes Received:
    335
    Nah, I didn't write it - a friend sent it to me, and I thought it was worth sharing. Maybe I should come up with a few parodies myself... :)
     
  8. Inquartata

    Inquartata Podium

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2001
    Messages:
    36,282
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    Dateline, Saturday, July 17th, 2004, somewhere in America

    Witnesses report that Inquartata bought a colored lame today.

    "I thought it looked really, really cool", he was heard to say. "I'm going to wear it always."

    Update at 11...if the world hasn't ended by then.



    ( Just thought I'd beat you to it, Jeff. Think of it as a pre-emptive strike. :) )
     
  9. jeff

    jeff Podium

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2002
    Messages:
    5,146
    Likes Received:
    335
    Good one, Inq!

    Weren't you and Tireur seen together passing out Kerry/Edwards literature and "I (heart) Moore" bumperstickers? :) :)
     
  10. Inquartata

    Inquartata Podium

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2001
    Messages:
    36,282
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    Yes, but they were impregnated with certain psychohypnotic drugs which are absorbed through the skin, so keep it under your hat. :)
     

Share This Page