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Swordsman Scholastic, Inc.'s "A Modern History of Arconia" Hi, I'm Swordsman, your tour guide, and welcome to Swordsman Scholastic, Inc. We're a new, not-for-profit, non-copywright research firm, specializing in historical research of Arconia. I'd like to introduce the President, CEO, and Founding Member Swordsman, with his secretary, Swordsman, the treasurer Swordsman (boy is that job easy), and Swordsman, the PR Rep. We are currently hiring, with positions open for historical researchers, experience in Arconian Affairs preferred.
You may be familiar with one of our older works, "History of Arconia". I am pleased to inform you that Swordsman Scholastic is currently working on a new text, "A Modern History of Arconia", which will cover primarily from the cliff-diving period through present-day Arconia, possibly with appendices concerning more recent finds in earlier Arconian history. We will offer bulk discounts on this volume for preparatory and high schools.
"Arconia: Spanning three years, four time zones, and at least two coasts."
Last edited by Swordsman; 02-07-2004 at 03:31 AM.
It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
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What drugs you on? and where can I get some?  Theses are evil....VERY evil, someone rescue me pls!
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To: Swordsman (Human Resources)
From: Crin Dalmeiier (applicant)
RE: Application
Attached is the resume detailing the duties for Ms. Dalmeiier (interested in the joint-position of "Coffee ***** and General Muse").
--Attachment--
Name: Crinen Montella/Dalmeiier
Age: 23
Status: Single. Sort of.
Education: Zarconian School of Hard Knocks, Elite Class. Valedictorian. Transferred to The Russic Academy of Cultural Insanity. B.S. in Badass, with an emphasis on Sarcasm and Vicious Rhetoric.
Past Experience: Limited to assassinations of important political figures. (Ages 3-19) Also temporarily employed as a Russic gypsy (quit without two weeks notice). Business owner, Quaint Artefacts and Dangerous Game.
Other Skills: Known to talk the pants off of guys that won't be remembered upon waking up. Knows the full anthem of Zarconia. Speaks three languages fluently. Knows how to skin a cat (really, don't ask).
--End Attachment--
Last edited by Crin Dalmeiier; 02-07-2004 at 04:11 AM.
I've got a theory. It could be bunnies.
Proud to be serving as the Official Class Clown of the Seven.
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Senior Member
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Ms. Dalmeiier, these are good credentials; however, can you point to me where your experience in Arconian Affairs comes in? It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
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The extent of my experience in Arconia:
# of times frisked: 1
# of times ticked off the Swordsman: 3 and counting
# of men kissed: 1
# of people killed: 0. Dangit.
As you can see by my list, my forays into Arconian Affairs are limited until recent, which is why I am applying merely for the position of "Coffee ***** and General Muse." I've got a theory. It could be bunnies.
Proud to be serving as the Official Class Clown of the Seven.
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Welcome aboard, Ms. Dalmeiier. I like it with two creams and a lot of sugar, and not so hot it will burn my mouth. It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
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You guys are frightening me. Really.
But what the heck?
*I* am Lady Moon of the Quill, royal scribe to Arconia. Also known as Princess Buffy of Schoolcraftia, & the future Queen of Muu (how scary is that??). *I* will not give you a resume. I am royalty (& pregnant)! However, I will state that I would be happy to recount my harrowing tales, from the time of the unfortunate "cliff diving" incident (of which I was a part of) until the present. I shudder.
Though just after the "incident", I spent a few weeks in the clutches of Ashla the Trapper & her horrid son Omar as a slave with amnesia, I do recall all that has happened to great detail.
Hire me or not...I'll do the job anyway. Since when do *I* listen to anyone? "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."
-- Rudyard Kipling
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Well, ma'am, I'm afraid we just don't have a position here at Swordsman Scholastic for you. If you'd like, we can put your name on the list and let you know if something comes up. In the meantime, we will see about sending a correspondent to your location for some interviews. It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
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Bite me.
 "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."
-- Rudyard Kipling
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Senior Member
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It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
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Mr. Swordsman, somewhere in this castle is a library. A VERY LARGE library. May I suggest you find a gopher and go a search it. We have numerous historians who work feverishly day in and day out to record the everyday oral history of Arconia. I am sure that somewhere in there you will find most of what you are looking for.
Otherwise I will be avaliable to intereview approximately 10 days from now when I return from my holiday....yes my husband and I holiday seperately after a nasty incident at the Arconian ski fields. Not that anyone actually KNOWS where my husband is at the moment, but that is a totally and utterly different kettle of fish.
I wish you every success in your endevours and please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any queries!
Yours
Zelda, Queen of Arconia Theses are evil....VERY evil, someone rescue me pls!
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To whichever Swordsman this may concern:
From Miri Belakai, musician, archer, and exiled Elven princess
Position applying for: research assistant or background music
Age: 22
Relationship status: Nothing official, but then, does it really need to be?
Education: General court education, with an emphasis on music
Experience: Betrayal, heartbreak, few years of rough living in Russland, two or three months with gypsies, a few skirmishes, and a diplomatic meeting
Arconian experience: Not much yet, but willing to research! Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should get used to the idea.
~Heilein
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To: Arconia Immigration Service
From: jBirch
RE: Application for temporary resident status.
Dear Sir/Madam,
Thank you for taking the time to appraise my application. I wish to reside in Arconia for a period not greater then 90 days and in a personal capacity whose details are open to private scrutiny, should the application require.
My background is in sword technique, instruction in defense and offense with particular focus on improvisation, martial footwork, cross-cultural strategy & tactics, military equipment (and it's use) and the proclivities of prominent cultural individuals with militaristic focus. I suspect that I can make a great contribution to your historical research opportunities in the areas of military strategy, manufacture, economics and politics as it pertains to the friends, neighbours and enemies of Arconia over the past millenia.
Further, I have a number of "street-level" contacts in multiple locations of interest to Arconian history who are adept at gathering local historical data, equipment and rumours that you might find of use in your own historical pursuits. This information, of course, would not be available in the royal archives for obvious reasons, and would provide an objective third-pary perspective on events of interest.
My residence fees are, of course, reasonable, my analysis accurate and my personality charming. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours Sincerely,
jBirch
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To: jBirch
From: Swordsman Scholastic, Inc.
RE: Re: Application for temporary resident status
Your application for residence has been forwarded to the proper authorities. Review of the document, however, revealed a seeming implication of your desire to be under the employ of Swordsman Scholastic, Inc. (Please note that this corporation is not to be confused with Inquartata Scholastic, Inq.)
To be honest, I must wonder about your knowledge of Arconian history for two reasons. First is the simple fact that you are applying for residency. Second is the fact that you refer to "...neighbours and enemies of Arconia over the past millenia", when in fact Arconia did not even come into being until well after the birth of its current ruler.
Please get back to us soon with further details concerning the above situation and a resume, and we will take things into consideration.
Regards,
Swordsman
Human Resources Director
Swordsman Scholastic, Inc. It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
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Senior Member
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To: Swordsman Scholastic, Inc.
From: jBirch
RE: Your letter in response to "Application for temporary resident status"
Dear Sir,
In response to the intent of my original letter, which I addressed to the AIS and copied to your office, I was originally applying for residency and needed to show that I had intent to seek meaningful employment and how my search for employment would bring direct economic benefit to the people of Arconia. Your request for applications gave me an opportunity to demonstrate to the AIS how I could provide direct economic and nationalistic benefit to the people and lands of Arconia and I felt it appropriate to copy you on my application.
Your question as to my understanding of Arconian history is valid from a current resident of Arconia's perspective. To start, the history of Arconia does indeed hearken back over 1000 years. What you are currently witness to as a resident is a break in historical record brought upon by a desire to break from and erase the recent past.
As evidence, the extinct land of Rithnok contains detailed historical accounts of the first ruler of Arconia, Straight-Guy the Hutt, who's actions are long lost to Arconian history. The records show that King Hutt was a brutal, repressed leader who enjoyed baiting the rulers of other lands into conflict literally for fun.
Sadly, one of these conflicts brought upon the age of confusion and ushered in a prolonged period of internal reflection by the people of Arconia that culminated in the successful coup by the renegade warlord, Fagot the Hutt, decendant from the original King Hutt, eight years ago. In the process of taking control, the evil warlord, together with various bands of trolls, wrought havoc upon the land and ousted the original leader of the free people of Arconia, Craig the Originator, through a national scandal.
That Fagot the Hutt was able to garner such grass-roots support and successfully able to overthrow Craig the Originator through mere innyourendo, scared the succeeding regime into attempting to hide the sordid details of the past in order to perserve the integrity and stability of the future. My records show that the event was so traumatizing to the Royal Line personally, that all internal Arconian records of the time before Queen Zelda were destroyed and the Royal Library severely reduced in staff and resources. This was done in an effort to move the nation past the trauma and into a new area of peace and understanding under Her Royal Highness, Queen Zelda. The ousting of Warlord Hutt by the Royal family is a story of legend, which, without their consent, will not be told, I fear, within the lands of Arconia. Needless to say, the honour, integrity, courage and valour of the Royal line is beyond question given the historical details that I possess.
At any rate, as a historian of note in search of truth, I do submit to your excellent mind these intriguing questions:
1) If the history of Arconia is brief (the three years commonly believed), why does the Royal House keep such a large staff of historians?
2) Why is the Royal House so interested in maintaining imperial order?
3) One does not become Royal in three years. Where did the Royal line come from?
4) Where did the people of Arconia come from and who built the castle?
Research from sources outside of Arconia does indeed substantiate these claims and the stories beg to be told. While these claims may be a concern of the current monarchy as possibly undermining the peace and stability of such a great nation, I would submit for your consideration that these same external records do also include lands and people, of considerable skill and value, considered to belong to Arconia by right of conquest, exploration and colonisation.
As a fellow historian, I do believe that the search for truth is uppermost in your mind, as it is in mine. It is after careful review of Arconian history that I made my decision to come to this noble land, if it would have me, and seek employ at a facillity similar to yours. Even were you to discount the history that I have unearthed, I would like to be of assistance in your quest, if I may, and believe that I could add, at the very least, impartiality and external validation to the process. I do possess other skills, besides historical research and knowledge, that may be handy to one interested in unearthing the true history of Arconia. I submit them as secondary to my already stated credentials.
Yours faithfully in the search for truth,
jBirch.
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Senior Member
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To: jbirch
From: Queen Zelda
Dear Sir,
In answer to your questions in your letter to Swordsman Scholastic which was passed to me on my holidays.
a) We keep a large number of historians to enable us to accurately record history as and when it occurs in our kingdom and others.
b) The Royal Household does not intentionally maintain Imperial order, it just happens (through a wonderful defense force, Secret Service and Strike Force)
c) I married into the Family, this question I can not answer.
d) Arconian People come from the lands all around (myself I come from Pirates Swoop in Tortall) and some are Arconian born and bred. The castle is an ancient structure which we have added onto and improved upon.
I hope this helps in your quest to understand Arconian history. May I wish your application to the AIS success.
Yours
Zelda
Queen of Arconia. Theses are evil....VERY evil, someone rescue me pls!
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