Photos Needed

[jBirch]

SEAL:

Self
Emasculating
Airborne
Liability

*grin*

Canadian solution to the same problem?

JTF2

JTF stands for:
Just
Take
Four

Which is essentially all you need to stop any war (which is why the CF is so small). The 2 is like Seal team 6: it's team #2. We only have eight of the guys, so, in effect, we have the same strategic ability as the US to wage two wars simultaneously. And your paras? Bah. We don't even NEED C5A's. We just stack them on top of ballistic missiles and shoot them into orbit. That's when they have to be there REAL fast. For most missions, they just walk.

Take it easy.

[Soldier]

Infantryman standing in the rain: "This sucks!"
Army Ranger standing in the rain: "I like the way this sucks!"
Special Operator standing in the rain, eating a snake: "I wish it would suck more!"
Fighter pilot: "Sure does suck down there."
Air Force: "What? No cable? This sucks!"

Above poster was hung up here at the Academy.

Yes, making fun of the various services is great fun, so long as you're in one yourself. It's understood as well that it's joking. You're army? Don't make fun of me, I might be hauling your *** out of the sand one of these days. I won't make fun of you; if I get shot down, you might be hauling my *** across the sand. Navy? You guys bring us most of the goods, cover our tails in the air, and haul our asses out of the water. Marines? You're just crazy as hell and we're glad you're on our side.

[damion18d]

No NO NO!! You've got it all wrong. The Army makes fun of the Air Farce and the Jarienes make fun of the Navy. Bus drivers Air Farce and Navy are bus drivers. They get us to where we have to fight(usually late or in the wrong place) and they go back to their coffee and donuts.(For anyone braindead enough to not realize I'm hacken on my brothers, this is for you)

Air Force pilots don't usually end up pulling people out of bad places in a pinch. Wrong kinda aircraft. Army and Navy fly most of the helos. Air Force bombs the hell out of whoever is messin up your day.

[Soldier]

That too, but if I do end up as currently intended in Blackhawks, then I may very well be hauling you out of the sand.

[Tireur]

You want real training? Canadian Airborne. Hoo Ah. -50C, 200lbs kit, 250km march and still able to lay in a successful section attack with sticks and stones and broken bones.

Sort of like SAS junior? Now if they ran that 250k, thru the mountains, with the kit.............

[jBirch]

Tireur,

Canadian Airborne, being more intelligent then their SAS brethren, just ride the polar bears. The polar bears are fed running SAS guys if there are no SEALS around (SEALS being the main diet of Polar Bears). Don't believe me? Just look here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/wildfacts/factfiles/7.shtml

Even the BBC understands that.

*grin*

Take it easy.

[jBirch]

Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Air Force, O-6 and above: "Get that damned snake off the fairway!"

Armor: Runs over snake. Never knows it,as well as where he is on the battlefield. Continues directly ahead wondering what all those new buttons in his turret do.

Army Aviation: Has GPS ten digit grid to snake. Stands off at a range greater than any other weapon system and destroys snake with precision fires at a cost equivilant of one Mercedes 350SEL. Returns to base for fighter management and a "cool one".

Army Shrink. Attempts to get snake to explain its sexual feelings about its mother.

Chaplain. Tries to get snake to attend services, mend its ways.

Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in depth analysis based on obscure 5 series FM about how to defeat snake using counter mobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake operations. (Engineer School tries to hide the fact that M9 ACE proves ineffective against snakes).

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Military Intelligence, G-2: Sanke? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing professional courtesy.

Marines, ForceRecon: Follows snake, gets lost.

Marines, Infantry: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

Mech Infantry: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Military Intelligence, S-2: Reports to ground troops that snake is a non-combatant. Six Infantry wounded. MI states that if the ground forces would have read the nesting diagram provided in the 24 page enemy intel report, they would have known the snake was a possible threat.

Military Police, Criminal Investigation: Handcuffs snake's head to its tail, reads it its Miranda rights, then proceeds to beat snake to a pulp with night stick.

Missileers, Air Force: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

Military Police, Field: Snake safely infiltrates rear area of operations.

Navy SeaBees: Build snake elaborate rec room, complete with secret still.

Navy, SEAL: Expends all ammunition and several grenades, then calls for naval gunfire in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites the SEAL, and dies of salt water poisoning. Hollywood makes film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

Navy, Surface Action Group: Fires off 50 cruise missiles fro several ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

Ordnance: IDs snake as having improper scales. Deadline snake and order parts against snake. Parts come in 15 days later but the snake has been upgraded to FMC due to scrounging of parts through improper channels.

Para-Rescue: Lands on snake upon descending, thereby injuring it, then feverishly works to save the nake's life.

Pilot, A-10: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

Pilot, Air Force, B-52: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

Pilot, Air Force, F-15: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

Pilot, Air Force, F-16: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but gets direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multimillion dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

Pilot, Air Force, Fighter, Generic: Mis-identifies the snake as a HIND and engages it with missiles. Crew Chief paints snake on airplane.

Pilot, Air Force, Transport: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, and delivers two weeks after due date.

Pilot, Army, AH-64 Apache: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infrared. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.

Pilot, Army, HH-53 Jolly Green Giant: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out flares to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

Quartermaster: Encounters snake, then loses contact. Can not identify who owns snake by hand receipts. Orders new snake through supply channels. Request is denied by higher authority; issuing the unit a snake will bring the manager to a zero balance; one snake must remain on hand at all times as per their boss' guidance.

Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Signal, Enlisted: Tries to communicate with snake . . . fails despite repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate.

Signal, Officer: Informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to videoconference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. SigO abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, *****es, and takes credit. In the end, GTE and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the two smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake dies of old age.

SJA: Swear they saw something like that on the Discovery Channel . . . spend weeks arguing if it was a snake or not.

Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

Transportation Corps: "Snake? What snake? We were sleeping in the truck."

War Correspondent: Decides snake is patriotic nationalist agrarian reformer being molested by imperialist U.S. forces, asks snake for directions to nearest bar. If bitten by snake, charges U.S. troops with neglect of duty to protect freedom of the press.

Canadian Infantry: AO freezes snake into stick like form. Builds hooch using snake to hold up main entry. Chinook thaws snake, hooch collapses, snores scare other snakes away.

Canadian Airborne: Drops 250km away from snake. Rides polar bear to snake AO. Keeps as pet.

Canadian Navy: Bashes with oar.

Canadian Air Force: Aircraft drops tire from 20,000 feet. Kills snake. Pilot ejects, but ejector seat doesn't work. Lands aircraft with 1 wing, no wheels, no fuel and no canopy in front of French strip club. Duct tapes damage and takes off using fine whisky as jet fuel for remote northern base with no such thing as French strip clubs.

Canadian Peacekeeper: Offers arm for snake to bite. Encourages snake to bite peacekeeper instead of locals, other snakes or rats. Fails to use anti-venom serum.

Army Counterintelligence - stages massive investigation to detect snake, and discovers snake, along with 4 Spec4s, an SFC, and a retired O-6 suspected of snake-like activities. Agents argue over whether or not the snake can be recruited to to snitch on other snakes, or whether it ought to be prosecuted. National level agencies decline interest. Meanwhile, the snake slithers off, and the CI guys get reassigned to paint rocks for a local supply battalion's change of command.

Cav Scouts - look up and see snake, while crawling on their bellies. Snake declines to bite the scouts out of a sense of pity. Scouts ask snake if that's meant to be funny.

Army Doctor - misdiagnoses "snake" as "snot", prescribes erythromycin. Enlisted medic fortunately catches the error, tells his three of his friends the garbled writing actually probably says "snatch" so they go out looking for it. Being enlisted Army medics, they are naturally unsuccessful, so they remain safe.

C-130 pilot - invites the snake for an hour-long nap-of-the-earth training flight to a distant drop zone with a bunch of paratroopers. Snake drowns in paratrooper vomit.

Navy Chief - pours a cup of coffee, says "let the Ensign worry about it."

F-14 pilot - crashes into the snake, killing it and triggering a Navy-wide scandal resulting in the grounding of all F-14 until the planes can be proven to be "snake safe."

Army mechanic - finds snake, breaks it, fixes it if he likes the snake, gets the snake commander in trouble by not fixing it if the commander won't help him get a four day pass.

Air Force fighter pilot - finds snake, goes to House Appropriations Committee and testifies that while today's equipment is good for achieving man-snake superiority, we need hudnreds of the vastly improved proposed F-22s to ensure dominance over tomorrow's snakes.

War College Instructor - finds snake, writes thesis arguing that the Soviets didn't defeat the Germans at Stalingrad by sheer grit - rather it was the deployment of cold-weather-resistant snakes.

Army Recruiter - meets snake. Asks for tips.

Army drill Sergeant - finds snake, scares snake, teaches snake to be tougher, more disciplined, smarter snake. Eventually runs across snake on distant battlefield, and dies in the next-to-last scene of the movie. Snake gets the girl.

Marine drill Instructor - finds snake, terrifies snake, grievously insults snake with comments about the snake's sister. Snake then spends years waking up in the middle of the night, dreaming about suddenly encountering a terrifying drill instructor in the wild.

Defense Contractor - "Hey, check out these new snakeskin boots. They cost a bundle. Good thing we won that big contract..."

US Air Force: B-2 "Spirit" flys record-breaking long range mission from Missouri to AO, and back without being seen, drops GPS guided munitions within 3M of target, probability of kill: 90%. Snake is deafened, but suitably impressed, watches crew interviewed on Fox by Laurie Duhe following evening; snake dies of envy.

F-117A "Nightstalker"-- Snake is accidently crushed under the tracks of M1A2Abrams while dogding a titanium panel which plummets from 5,000ft as aircraft approaches target.

[Tireur]

Canadian Airborne, being more intelligent then their SAS brethren, just ride the polar bears.

Laughing......Fair enuf.......

[Tireur]

Do they ride inside a bergen on the bear's back?

[jBirch]

Tireur,

No.

Everyone just sets up a hooch on top of the bears in their artic whites and eats bullets. When they get bored, the bears ride on the troopers and set up their own hooches. At any rate, there was a study where they used the bears like dogs and attached a sled to their backs, but the bears used to get laughed at by the reindeer who were wondering why the troopers weren't fat and dressed in red (part of the reason why reindeer are also part of the bear's diet). Used to call them "wimps" and "marines".

Take it easy.

[damion18d]

Originally posted by jBirch
Tireur,

No.

Everyone just sets up a hooch on top of the bears in their artic whites and eats bullets. When they get bored, the bears ride on the troopers and set up their own hooches. At any rate, there was a study where they used the bears like dogs and attached a sled to their backs, but the bears used to get laughed at by the reindeer who were wondering why the troopers weren't fat and dressed in red (part of the reason why reindeer are also part of the bear's diet). Used to call them "wimps" and "marines".

Take it easy.

You're twisted and I like that about you. The Special Forces bit strikes a little too close to home. Where did you get that it was hilarious?

[Almightynoitall]

So... let me see if I've gotten all this right...

1. the Canadian armed forces DON'T use hockey sticks and ice skates??? (I'm still in shock)

2. I'm bound to find someone who finds my screenname offensive, because of a term once coined to me that I happen to like to use. (but 'Almightysmartass' just doesn't have the same obnoxious ring... it's the whole french fries vs. freedom fries argument all over again... GET OVER IT!)

3. FTH is a Norwegian woman? (historically of whom were said to be so ugly by viking raiders that on raids, when they looked for women to violate, they called it 'trolling')

4. mispelling iz funy.

5. Military intelligence proves a true oxymoron yet again (although, I can't really call the chAir force military any more so than I can call a Yugo a 'luxury car')

6. I'm running for president, btw
George!!!

7. To date, FTH has recieved (and I'm only guessing here) ZERO photos.

[frenzl]

good summary of this excedingly long and strange thread Almightynoitall

[jeff]

...the best hijacking on the board!

[The0ne]

that's true!! I was reading along and forgot that the first post actually asks for photos. . .

[KShan5[PrFC]]

That's how we like to operate here at fencing101.com.

[Faggot the Hutt]

Originally posted by Almightynoitall
So... let me see if I've gotten all this right...
6. I'm running for president, btw George!!!
7. To date, FTH has recieved (and I'm only guessing here) ZERO photos.

Noooo! I'm running for president!

As for photos, I'm in the process of posting photos two and three... so, there! And, uh... Nevermind, I know I'm pathetic. But, that's okay. I did my research on fair use, and as soon as I speak to a lawyer about my findings... Oh, man is everyone gonna get it.

[Inquartata]

Originally posted by jBirch
Canadian Airborne, being more intelligent then their SAS brethren, just ride the polar bears.

Being airborne, shouldn't they be using Australian drop bears?

[Almightynoitall]

Originally posted by ****** the Hutt
As for photos, I'm in the process of posting photos two and three... so, there! And, uh... Nevermind, I know I'm pathetic. But, that's okay. I did my research on fair use, and as soon as I speak to a lawyer about my findings... Oh, man is everyone gonna get it.

Keep in mind that unless you claim photos as your own, or stand to make a profit off of them, anything already on display available to the general public (i.e. posted on a non-restricted internet site) is considered up for free use.

... and the 'George!!!' comment referred to my own sick sense of humor that you could possibly be senor presidente himself. And that your (at least to some) insane postings would be pretty humorous had you been he. Gotta love a good scandal.

[Faggot the Hutt]

Originally posted by Almightynoitall
Keep in mind that unless you claim photos as your own, or stand to make a profit off of them, anything already on display available to the general public (i.e. posted on a non-restricted internet site) is considered up for free use.

I tend to make a lot of people very angry, so I need to be careful. It's America, we can sue for anything here.