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That Guy
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Dolphins With Opposable Thumbs Expected To Surpass Humans Marine biologists at the Hawaii Oceanographic Institute recently discovered that dolphins have developed opposable thumbs on their pectoral fins. With a cranial capacity exceeding that of humans by 40%, dolphins are expected to surpass humans in technological ability by Valentine's Day. In a matter of days the marine mammals have progressed from "a crude seaweed-and-shell abacus" to calculators to mass-produced "coral-silicate and kelp-based biomicrocircuitry."
"That's it for us monkeys" says the head of the Institute in an alarmist statement. Another begs "Please be decent and kind masters to our poor ape-race. Oh, God, I'm so sorry about the tracking collars." Yet all may not be lost; dolphins are expected to outsource some jobs to humans, and show us how to avoid shark attacks.
http://www.theonion.com/3951/top_story.html
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Senior Member
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Well I never! Believe me, if I had a monocle, it would be flying off my face in surprise right now! If this post did not contain any sarcasm, it very well should have.
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Senior Member
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Why, I thought the last time a dolphin was actually seen, it's attempt to whistle the star spangled banner during a couble sommersault in which it kicked a field goal was supposed to mean "So long and thanks for all the fish"...
at least they don't know about the white mice yet... "The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is to parry, and riposte in return."
~me
Mitch AKA 'Gumby', 'The UTSWB', 'Hey You', The 'Godfather', 'MacGuyver', 'Batman', and 'Chief'
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Senior Member
Array ![KShan5[PrFC]'s Avatar](customavatars/avatar1334_12.gif "KShan5[PrFC]'s Avatar")
Wouldn't the dolphins just be part of the greatest computer ever? Thus not even making them animals? Much like ourselves.
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Ahh...that explains a lot! In the combat PC game "Unreal Tournament" one of the CG contestants is NeoFin...a dolphin in a bio-assist suit. Even when he's on my team, I always seem to reflexively shoot him.
Now I know why...dying efforts of a doomed race.  "Sometimes we, as coaches, get into that dictator mode where you just tell and you don't listen and you don't try to understand them." Tom Izzo, Mich. St.
"Fraud is the creation of trust. And then: its betrayal."
William Black, Ph.D.
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Senior Member
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Re: Dolphins With Opposable Thumbs Expected To Surpass Humans Originally posted by Craig Marine biologists at the Hawaii Oceanographic Institute recently discovered that dolphins have developed opposable thumbs on their pectoral fins. With a cranial capacity exceeding that of humans by 40%, dolphins are expected to surpass humans in technological ability by Valentine's Day. In a matter of days the marine mammals have progressed from "a crude seaweed-and-shell abacus" to calculators to mass-produced "coral-silicate and kelp-based biomicrocircuitry."
"That's it for us monkeys" says the head of the Institute in an alarmist statement. Another begs "Please be decent and kind masters to our poor ape-race. Oh, God, I'm so sorry about the tracking collars." Yet all may not be lost; dolphins are expected to outsource some jobs to humans, and show us how to avoid shark attacks.
http://www.theonion.com/3951/top_story.html Yes, and did you know that "bat-boy led our troops to Sadam Hussein"? 
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