Letting a "friend" down easy,...

[jusplainfencing]

I didnt know if this was to stupid of a thing to ask on a board but then i remembered the "how do i get a girlfriend" thread so i figured this wouldent be too dumb

Ok so there's this girl a year younger than me at fencing practice and she like want's to be like my best friend...and i mean she's ok to hang with at practice but i don't want to talk to her outside of practice for a number of reasons.....including...she's really hyper and sometimes annoying,she's really religious and im not(and she's allready asked me why i don't go to church) and we don't have anything else in common other than fencing.....but i don't want to be mean,so far ive ditched her comments like" you should invite me over" or "were like best friends".....should i stop being her friend at practice so she'll get the hint? or should i try to tactfully tell her to leave me alone out side of practice....thanks for any comment's!

[blue_falcon]

Gee ......... your problem seems to be the opposite of cowpaste's! I'd start it off easy -- hang around a lot of OTHER people so that she doesn't seem to monopolize your time.

Maybe drop hints? Or even better, (and this can be a tad cold) get someone else to drop the hints for you. Maybe when you're in a group situation someone can mention something that happened at a function/gathering that she was not at but where you were. Hopefully she'll wonder why she's not at these gatherings.

To be nice, you could just let her comments slide off you -- she should eventually get the hint. Well, at least one hopes so!

Now if you REALLY want her to stop being around you, you could just tell her exactly what you're thinking. She SHOULD stay away from you then.

Yes, I know there will be recriminations and nasty posts against what's above but........ at least you're being honest! (I know -- the third option doesn't exactly spare her feelings. But sometimes the direct approach is the only approach left.)

[cowpaste]

If you ignore her, she might become even more attracted to you because you're a challenge. It's this weird chick logic thing.

[Soldier]

Yeah, just keep turning down various invitations, etc.

[lochinvar]

Well, so far everyone seems to be assuming that you are Male and you are trying to avoid the attentions of a Female--however, from reading your post I get the impression that you might be a Female just trying to avoid hanging out with another Female who thinks you two are closer friends than you think you are, or want to be...

Which is it?

[Soldier]

Wouldn't turning down invitations work regardless?

[lochinvar]

Maybe, maybe not...the situation should be approached differently depending on which it is, I think.

In my experience, it is mentally easier to discourage a girl or guy you are not interested in dating than it is to tell someone of the same sex that you are not as good friends as they seem to think you are. For some reason, the second instance causes more emotional stress in the person doing the distancing.

But then, maybe that's just me...

[prototoast]

Originally posted by lochinvar
Well, so far everyone seems to be assuming that you are Male and you are trying to avoid the attentions of a Female--however, from reading your post I get the impression that you might be a Female just trying to avoid hanging out with another Female who thinks you two are closer friends than you think you are, or want to be...

Which is it?

Uh... click the link in her profile!

[Soldier]

I'd have to agree with you, but what I said still stands - since we're trying to let the person down as easily as possible either way, would you change the suggestions at all based on the circumstances?

[lfortier]

I think that you should politely remind her of the ONLY things you two have in common, and gently tell her that she's nice,funny,ect, but dont want the "friendship" to go beyond practice, simply because she's just not the type you'd want to be friends with, and that its nothing personal against her, but that its in your best intentions to keep it like that. She may be offended for a while, but she'll get over it sooner or later. And best yet-if you do this, its straight foward so there's no second guessing. Hope things go over well!

[blue_falcon]

Originally posted by Soldier
I'd have to agree with you, but what I said still stands - since we're trying to let the person down as easily as possible either way, would you change the suggestions at all based on the circumstances?

Now that I've actually checked the gender of the poster and that I've looked at my post, I think my original thoughts are still applicable. However, I think in this case the more direct approach should be taken.

As someone has pointed out, I was originally operating under the assumption that you (justplainfencing) were a male trying to get away from the unwanted attentions of a female. Now that the clouds of confusion (perhaps brought about by an unnoticed prejudice leading to an erroneous assumption) have parted, I think the original thoughts still apply.

Basically, let her (the interloper) somehow get the hint that all you're looking for is a fencing-related friendship and nothing more, nothing less. If, after numerous hints, said interloper still does not understand the point you are trying to get across, a more direct approach may be needed. Yes, the direct approach can be quite stressful as most people do not like confrontation-type encounters. However, there are times when it cannot be helped.

I guess what I'm saying is that if hints do not work, then you've tried to let her down easy. It may be time to have a direct talk with that person along the lines of what was posted just above this post. Yes, it may be difficult. Yes, she may get hurt. But at some point you have to think of your needs and what you can deal with. Once she (the interloper) passes that point, and after you've done what you can to spare her feelings (i.e. through hints and whatnot), then I'd say it's time to be direct.

I guess it's along the lines of the old adage -- compromise when you can, fight if you must.

[MikeHarm]

This won't work, she'll just become more obsessed with him if he follows this advice, people always want what they can't have. I ended up getting totally stalked/hounded by a girl I wasn't interested in when I tried the 'try to give her the hint you're not interested in her' idea.

My advice is to do the opposite of what seems logical, act too interested. She'll get freaked out and have nothing to do with him (ie cowpaste's approach to trying to get a girlfriend) and his problem will be solved.

[C.J.]

This works really well between girls:

Hey, peggy, Have you tried SlimFast? Cause your knickers really makes you look fat. Go lose some weight, would you? And I think you are of the wrong size for your shoes. Them big feet are really attractive... if you were a guy.

[ReverseLunge]

Well you could just hump her and then go fence at another club. Jesus will take care of everything else for her.

[arcon]

Get one of your friendgirls to appear more than a friendgirl. Let her find out through someone else that your interested in this girl.

This could work but it could also be just a tempory fix. If shes persistent then she'll try again. When she knows youre available.

Then you could have another friend causually mention to her that you really are a great guy considering. She'll ask, "Considering what?" your friend says...."considering he's an atheist."

just kidding!

[cowpaste]

I'm all for reverselunge's suggestion. Do her and leave. Or you could stay and ignore her, then she would leave herself.

[Gav]

Am I reading all of the above correctly?

"Do her and leave"-!!!

" Well you could just hump her and then go fence at another club. Jesus will take care of everything else for her."-!!!

Those are harsh statements. Also I think you guys miss the point somewhat.

Friends come and go. Don't socialise with her outside of the fencing club. Things will calm down - simple as that.

[arcon]

REVERSELUNGE! youre gonna get this young man in all kinds of
trouble with this kind of advise. If he follows your advise it could end up costing him a small fortune in the next 18 to 21 years. All his kids could end up wearing blackrim glasses with 15 pens in their pockets on the way to seminary school.
Hed find himself forced to attend church every sunday or sleep in Fido's dog house while his wife planned their next overseas Mission to Africa where hed be bitten by an unknown species of snake that would in turn destroy the specific areas of his brain that controled his ability to smile,laugh, make love and uninate while standing up. Hed then become seriously depressed and his once faithful wife would run off with a Penticostal Avangelist traveling preacher and leave him with 5 children to raise and 4 to keep in seminary school. DONT DO IT MAN! RUN! RUN!
JOIN ANOTHER CLUB!


Disclaimer; this is making a bit of humor about the remark in question but I personally wouldnt advise this approach.
Do not go that far! then just vanish.If you were serious about someone you wouldnt want it done to you.
Would you?

[ReverseLunge]

Come on man! Just cut the bullshiet! The only reason you want to let her down easy is because she isn't very hot looking. I understand where you are coming from so be honest. We all know there is no such thing as wanting to let a hot looking girl down easy. Hell no!

[Gav]

ReverseLunge

Have you checked out the sex of the person who started this thread?