Regrets

[Swordsman]

Originally posted by hawaii kid

Have you ever regretted a decision you made? If so, how does the act of regret help you in any way? How does it help anyone else? I've made it a personal policy to never regret anything I do. At first that might seem difficult to do but when I look at it from the proper perspective, it's the most reasonable way to conduct oneself. The time I would have wasted regretting poor decisions can be used instead to prepare and educate myself to make more informed decisions that are either smarter or involve less risk. Even if I choose to make a risky decision and it fails, I see no point in wasting more time regretting it, as long as I learned something that will help me make better decisions in the future.

Plenty of times. One of my bigger problems, lashing myself too long about things I can't change. Going by the definition of regret you've implied here, I'd have to agree with you. Regret itself does absolutely nothing. The two important parts are 1) to realize and analyze the error so you don't repeat it, and 2) to be sorry for it and fix it as best you can.

I personally take the repentant part most seriously, as a Christian.





Next?

[Jupiter]

I too have made decisions that in retrospect were perhaps not well planned let's say. For example, I was looking through a Dietetic Journal in New York when I spotted a great looking job in Guam. After 3 months of back and forth paperwork, and so forth, I went. Everything told me "non". The day I left NY, April 1st, at 4:30 a.m. it snowed so heavily the airplane's wings were iced up and were undergoing deicing for 30 minutes and I got re-routed to Houston instead of going on to Chicago. Well, I finally got to Guam. Needless to say in a short while, I regretted my move, and longed to go back to the mainland or at least to a larger, more secure landscape.

However, Edith Piaf once sang "I regret Nothing", meaning, that even though her life was difficult, and she suffered, as did many of her countrymen, in the final analysis [sorry about the analysis word], we can't go through life carrying too much. But instead project or apply our feelings towards others so that we can see another persons' perspective more clearly, and feel more empathy and sympathy towards that person.

[Catlady]

Originally posted by Jupiter

However, Edith Piaf once sang "I regret Nothing", meaning, that even though her life was difficult, and she suffered, as did many of her countrymen, in the final analysis [sorry about the analysis word], we can't go through life carrying too much. But instead project or apply our feelings towards others so that we can see another persons' perspective more clearly, and feel more empathy and sympathy towards that person.

I have to agree with that. In the past few years, since I graduated from University--the first time--, nothing has seemed to go the way I planned. I was going to immediately go to get my Master of Fine Arts degree in writing, then hopefully get a PhD. and teach at University level. I didn't get into grad school where I wanted. Then I got a job in what I thought was going to be the interim between when I reapplied to grad school and got in. It was a touch job, but I really loved it deep down and even considered getting the qualifications I needed to have a full-time permanent career in that field. Then it didn't work out. I was puzzled that the job that had seemed so right and had showed up at the perfect time, it seemed, would suddenly turn sour. I got another job that nearly drove me nuts, but that's a different story. My next attempt at grad school didn't work out either. I decided it was time for a new plan--with the same ultimate goal in mind--I was going to get a teaching certificate and despite reservations about my ability to interest high school and junior high kids in English and not lose my grip. I talked to a counselor at the college I intended to go to, and she said that maybe, considering my ultimate goal, I should try something different. That turned out to be the program I'm in now--technically communications, but really I'm focusing on various practical applications for writing like PR, or grant writing, or writing for the computer industry. I'm still going to be a writer in the creative sense too, and one day I'm going to get an advanced degree in English for my own edification if nothing else, but I've realized I can be a writer without one. Add in various disasters in my personal life--failed relationships, or lack of relationships, minor, yet annoying, semi-chronic illnesses, etc. There are days when I wonder why it would have been so awful for things to have worked out the way I wanted them to, but the truth is I've learned quite a few things and met quite a few people that I might not have otherwise. Some of it is stuff I definitely would not have chosen to learn, but I guess I needed to. So, while I wouldn't do it all again, I've got to say it wasn't all that bad. I should have realized that from my writing. Any writer will tell that the good stuff, the good characters always seem to take on a life of their own. Many time they go somewhere you hadn't planned for them. You can either fight it and ruin the story, or you can go with and likely discover something far better than you could have imagined it would be. I like a quote attributed to G.B. Shaw:

"You've learned something my dear, and at first, it feels as if you've lost something".

I've so been there, and it's so true. Of course, that doesn't seem to stop me from feeling upset when things don't go my way now.

Now as for what I really wish I'd done:

I wish I'd gone to Europe in college when I had the chance.

I wish I hadn't taken everything so seriously in high school, when I could have explored more and had more fun (I was determined I would be either an MD or a veterinarian. I turned out to be neither and wish I'd taken more "fun" classes and done more extracurricular stuff)

There was a great internship opportunity, working for Make A Wish Foundation, doing pubicity and helping with grant writing among other things. It was an unpaid internship, and didn't mention anything about a paid position, but I've known various people who have interned somewhere, made a good impression and been offered a job where they had interned when there was an openning. This is somewhere I think I could really enjoy working. Even if nothing worked out it would have been a good experience and would look good on a resume. But, I slacked off and missed the deadline to apply.

I wish I'd been more kind to that wierd kid in high school.

I wish I'd started fencing sooner.

[civiltech]

I had a chance a number of years ago to have intimate relations with a cheerleader from the Toronto Argos.

I regret being a good boy and not acting on my initial impulses!

Oh, and I have grown from the experiences in life,which have made me stronger, and I regret not learing from the hard times...and blah blah blah. Whatever....insert cheesy story here.

[Louweasel]

This "I see no point in regretting" idea seems to be a very odd way of looking at regret. Regret is not something you choose; it something that happens and you can choose not to dwell on it or let it adversely affect your life. You can no more say "I will not waste time regretting something" any more than you can say "I will not waste time being sad because my husband has left me" or "I will not waste time feeling guilty because I've forgotten my friend's birthday" Whether you regret something depends on the situation and your conscience. You can't dictate your own emotions (at least not without chemical help!), you can only dictate how you deal with them.

When someone starts telling me how they don't regret anything my reaction is either to think they have no consience and/or no memory, or that "the [lady] doth protest too much"...

[hawaii kid]

Hmmm,
I'm not unused to people having different opinions than mine but I'm surprised to hear the comment that one can't dictate one's emotions. Of course you can! I'm in control of my emotions nearly all the time. I control whether I feel guilty about something and I certainly am in control over whether I have regrets over an action I choose. Both guilt and regret are tools used to control the behavior of individuals and large groups of people. It's an ugly tool but historically a very effective one.
I've chosen not to buy into it and reap the benefits of that choice instead, that's all. Just because a person decides not to allow another to control his behavior doesn't mean he has no conscious. He uses his concious to make quality desicions instead of regrettable ones which he feels guilty about later...

As far as the Cheerleader goes....
Bummer Dude.

[Louweasel]

Hmm, i know what you mean, but what I'm trying to say is, if you could completely control what you felt you'd never feel bad about anything. When you got dumped by your boyfriend, you'd say "oh well, I am not going to feel sad, because it won't achieve anything, so never mind and on to the next one.." instead of bursting into tears, eating a whole tub of Ben & Jerry's and having your best mate come round to pour wine straight down your neck from the bottle while you rage about how all men are b@stards, like a normal person.

I don't think I'm going to be able to adequately make my point without an enormous war-and-peace essay, so we'll just have to agree to differ on this one and if you are ever in London we'll have to get the beers in and argue it out face to face!!

[MyrddinsPrecint]

it's completely an issue of how much control you have over your brain.

my best friend is a high functioning autistic-- he has a lot of problems, but a lot of control over his mind.

he doesn't appear to be autistic, because most of the control he has over his mind goes into things like producing facial expressions and modulating the tone of his voice. when he's not so concerned with doing things like that, he has a crazy ammount of control over his emotions and such...

as a result of being close friends with him, doing a lot of research on autism, and having done a lot of meditation since age 8, when i broke up with my last boyfriend, i sat there for three days a miserable person, decided that i'd had QUITE enough of that, and decided i was going to throw all of my $hitty issues out the window and be his friend. and i did. and i am. i am currently completley over him.... unfortunately, he's no longer over me....

you can be completely in control of certain emotions-- it just takes a long time, a lot of practice, and a lot of willpower to manage....

[Ariela]

well i regret way too many things .... that would fit this board . i try not to think about these things but sometimes i cant avoid them ! i think its natural .... but the worst is that i know that somethings ive done which i regret , i would end up doing it all over again i think it happens to evryone !

[hawaii kid]

Ariela ~ well i regret way too many things .... that would fit this board . i try not to think about these things but sometimes i cant avoid them ! i think its natural .... but the worst is that i know that somethings ive done which i regret , i would end up doing it all over again i think it happens to evryone !



No dear, not everyone... Some of us have the ability to actually, like, you know... learn form our mistakes and stuff, ya know?


....and having done a lot of meditation since age 8, when i broke up with my last boyfriend....

Wow! You Broke up with your last boyfriend at age 8? That must have been intense...

Louweasel, I realize you probably think my point of view is "pants" (that still cracks me up BTW) I'll take you up on your offer of discussing it over beers. If you are ever in Kodiak, AK look me up and I'll buy the first round.

[MyrddinsPrecint]

Originally posted by hawaii kid


Wow! You Broke up with your last boyfriend at age 8? That must have been intense...

gaaaaaaaaaah.


no, i broke up with him in april.... 8 years after i was 8....

[Dragonfly]

i almost logged out and then I saw mp in the mea culpa folder and I screamed!

every newcomer must pass through the mea cupla folder before going onto the sarcastic corner, followed by the political agenda files; then the kiss *** folder, the help zelda file and lastely the I'm leaving chronicles.....followed by......

[Dragonfly]

I regret that I have written too much.

[MyrddinsPrecint]

Originally posted by Dragonfly
i almost logged out and then I saw mp in the mea culpa folder and I screamed!

every newcomer must pass through the mea cupla folder before going onto the sarcastic corner, followed by the political agenda files; then the kiss *** folder, the help zelda file and lastely the I'm leaving chronicles.....followed by......

huh??

[Ariela]

Originally posted by hawaii kid
Ariela ~ well i regret way too many things .... that would fit this board . i try not to think about these things but sometimes i cant avoid them ! i think its natural .... but the worst is that i know that somethings ive done which i regret , i would end up doing it all over again i think it happens to evryone !



No dear, not everyone... Some of us have the ability to actually, like, you know... learn form our mistakes and stuff, ya know?

hhehehe ok . i dont remeber exactly what i was thinking about when i posted that , but i remeber it was something about making a mistake that i actually enjoyed but well it had its price .
(hence a mistake)

i didnt really mean that ppl dont ever learn ....... but sometimes we do the same mistake a few times ....

[Zelda]

Regrets? I try not to have any really but there are a few...
1. I regret not going to my adopted Grandfathers funeral
2. I regret not spending more time with my grandparents
3. I regret not keeping in contact with friends from school
4. I regret not telling someone how I actually feel about them
5. I regret having regrets....

[MikeHarm]

Guess mine would be over the love lost thing too.

[sabresamurai]

this is just my opinion,
i dont think that you should not allow yourself to regret, for one you learn from regretting, and later on you may want to regret for not regretting, but you cant.
for two if you regret, you will care more, allowing you to learn more
but that is just my opinion...

[Indy4ever]

Jesus Christ people, lighten up. You are only human, and making mistakes is a part of that.
regret is just a part of screwing up (the bit that comes after the initial disapointment), so get used to it - I agree with that guy that said you can control emotions, but I guess that is like those guys that can eat fire (or other crazy crap like that) - you can do it, with practice, even if you weren't originally designed to. You can controol your emotions, but that takes a lot of practice, and is unnatural to our normal instincts.

Don't feel bad about doing the wrong thing, or regretting it afterwards, just learn from your mistakes (hell, what else are you going to do?)

[Chobes]

I must say this topic is quite interesting. i generally agree with what everyone says, you can control your emotions. everything has been said and the general tone seems like, you can either regret things or not regret things, it just depends on your own opinion of how you want your life to be. i have only 3 regrets, but i won't let it bother me my whole life. they're just 3 things i'd change if i had the chance to do them all over again.

1: I regret not attending my sisters High School graduation

2: I regret never telling my old girlfriend how much i really loved her

3: I regret letting MMORPG's take over my life, ignoring everyone and everything else.

I'm older and wiser now, and i don't let my mistakes make me feel bad at all, i just think about the mistakes i made everytime i am about to do something risky or whatever. i learn from my mistakes just like my mother told me to. i'm sure lots of people do.

~Chobes~