Ode to the crazy fencing parent

[Craig]

Found online today. Arjuna has several other good articles up on the site:

http://communities.washingtontimes.c...encing-parent/

[edew]

That's a tv episode waiting to be taped.

[Soberin]

Actually, and unfortunately, that is an example of the "normal" fencing parent.

[Dev]

That story would get even more entertaining in a right-of-way weapon.

[Purple Fencer]

Actually, and unfortunately, that is an example of the "normal" fencing parent.

Depends...I've seen plenty of parents who stand back and let the coach do his job...and who are supportive of their kids without being obnoxious about it...being a fencing parent doesn't always lead to the type of behavior shown.

[tchwojko]

Depends...I've seen plenty of parents who stand back and let the coach do his job...and who are supportive of their kids without being obnoxious about it...being a fencing parent doesn't always lead to the type of behavior shown.

I think it might vary greatly by location and tournament. Also, a single crazy parent can make the whole room suffer. Someone (tournament organizers, coaches, other parents) needs to make it clear to those parents the behavior is not acceptable.

[prototoast]

I strongly disagree with the sentiment of that article. First, let's address the issue of equipment. The author criticizes parents for the purchase of FIE fencing equipment even though the children are not yet eligible for international competitions. This completely overlooks the fact that FIE equipment is safer, often more comfortable, and even after the child has outgrown it, FIE gear retains its value significantly better than non-FIE gear. I'm not saying it's the best value for a child, but if the family can afford it, there's certainly nothing "crazy" about it.

Then the author goes on to criticize the mother for... caring? Sure, maybe yelling over the coach is counterproductive, but in the list of parental offenses, it's pretty minor. And then, when it's all over and the child loses (no doubt the mother's fault), that "crazy" mother has the audacity to try to console her child.

Seriously, this parent doesn't sound that crazy, but the author definitely sounds like an overly judgmental asshole.

[tchwojko]

Seriously, this parent doesn't sound that crazy, but the author definitely sounds like an overly judgmental asshole.

A string of curses over a loss in a kids' tournament is over the top and not appropriate.

[prototoast]

A string of curses over a loss in a kids' tournament is over the top and not appropriate.

Oh know, the horrors of profanity.

Look, I'm not saying this mother was perfect. It may have been a little over the top, but it definitely isn't anything even remotely crazy enough to justify a published article.

[piste off]

It's pretty over the top... but at least the parent cared enough to make sure the kid wore his helmet.

[tchwojko]

Oh know, the horrors of profanity.

Look, I'm not saying this mother was perfect. It may have been a little over the top, but it definitely isn't anything even remotely crazy enough to justify a published article.

I didn't think my comment was crazy enough to justify a post either.

[OnTheEdge]

Look, I'm not saying this mother was perfect. It may have been a little over the top, but it definitely isn't anything even remotely crazy enough to justify a published article.

I feel sorry for the kid. He's being trained to get his strip coaching from his mama instead of from his coach. Who knows what he heard from her later at the hotel. His competitive fencing career will probably be short and unhappy, or worse yet, long and unhappy. Of course, she'll probably switch him to sabre, where her strip coaching abilities, and vocabulary, can really shine.

[Belegur]

That's fairly mild as far as sporting parent horror stories go. Nowhere does it say that she cursed at any officials (which seems to be the case normally with, say, football, basketball or the like), or indeed anyone in particular, and she was quick to console her kid. Really, all she's guilty of is being a bit too enthusiastic.

[Tomas N]

That's a tv episode waiting to be taped.

"The Real Housewives of the Piste"?

[Snowblade]

I'm perturbed at how blase some here seem to be about this parent's behavior. It seems way over the top and highly likely to adversely affect her child, at least as far as fencing goes. And poison the atmosphere at any strip upon which her kid fences.

I'm relatively new to the sport, but I sure hope I don't see anything like this on the local scene. The closest to it so far is a dad who gets visibly nervous and barks instructions to his son, who also gets very keyed up and whose results don't reflect his apparent skill. It's not disruptive--there's no yelling over a coach or profanity--but by all appearances it comes with a lot of anxiety and unhappiness. My son, attending his first tournament, watched the father's performance during the first bout in pools, then turned around and said half-jokingly, "Dad, you will never do that to me, will you?" I assured him he didn't have a thing to worry about.

[Tomas N]

I'm perturbed at how blase some here seem to be about this parent's behavior. It seems way over the top and highly likely to adversely affect her child, at least as far as fencing goes. And poison the atmosphere at any strip upon which her kid fences.

I'm relatively new to the sport, but I sure hope I don't see anything like this on the local scene. The closest to it so far is a dad who gets visibly nervous and barks instructions to his son, who also gets very keyed up and whose results don't reflect his apparent skill. It's not disruptive--there's no yelling over a coach or profanity--but by all appearances it comes with a lot of anxiety and unhappiness. My son, attending his first tournament, watched the father's performance during the first bout in pools, then turned around and said half-jokingly, "Dad, you will never do that to me, will you?" I assured him he didn't have a thing to worry about.

You're in for some surprises.

I've seen a parent blackcarded for screaming a long and imaginative string of profanity at a ref after her son had lost a DE. And this was after I had an interesting and quite civil conversation with the same person not 20 minutes earlier. The mixture of children and competition does strange things to people.

[kathe23]

Phew..... breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn't me they were writing about No profanity, coaching, or yelling, but anxiety, yes, I'm guilty.

[tchwojko]

As a parent, when my kids are involved in an activity, I want just a few things:
1) The kid is safe.
2a) The kid has fun.
2b) The kid is exhibiting good sportsmanship.
3a) The kid is learning something.
3b) The kid is doing his/her best.

Usually in that order. Note that winning/losing is not on that list. Winning is usually a byproduct of #3. Only #1 and #2 are really required to continue an activity. #3 is required for me to continue spend significant money on an activity.

In any competitive activity I impress on my kids there are two possible outcomes, and both are positive: win or learn.

[indypacers]

I don't berate any parent for coming to any event supporting their child (after all it's the parent that funds/supports every coaches desire to have a champion) Personally, the fencing crowd is rather subdued, versus other sports where I've seen/heard gunshots break out in the middle of competition, fist fights between parents & coaches, parents & referees, fans etc....

so anything short of that is rather mild and very tolerable. Parents are loud, demanding and so wanting to see their child succeed, so what's wrong with showing them that from the side lines?

[mgriff]

I don't berate any parent for coming to any event supporting their child (after all it's the parent that funds/supports every coaches desire to have a champion) Personally, the fencing crowd is rather subdued, versus other sports where I've seen/heard gunshots break out in the middle of competition, fist fights between parents & coaches, parents & referees, fans etc....

so anything short of that is rather mild and very tolerable. Parents are loud, demanding and so wanting to see their child succeed, so what's wrong with showing them that from the side lines?

Depends a lot on how the kid feels about it, too--whether she views the parent's behavior as actually supportive. (My own kids made it clear that any noise I made was a distraction to them and not a help.) And sometimes "wanting their kid to succeed" is quite different from what the kid views as success--maybe she's in it for the camaraderie or the exercise or mental challenge. As far as I'm concerned, any parent who gets as worked up as the OP's example should take up fencing herself or enroll in a referee seminar or learn how to run tournament software.

Probably a bit too soon after SN for me to address this issue, even though I didn't have any of those chats this year with parents who insisted that they should have standing to dispute their 10-year-old's pool scores because they were their child's legal guardian. That type of parent never takes kindly to the fact that tournaments are not a legal situation and are governed by the rules of the sport, which make them a spectator only. I've never understood why parents wouldn't instead encourage their children to learn to handle such situations for themselves—isn't that what parenting is supposed to be all about?