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[Swordsman]

Written by Rob Long of National Review:








TO: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
FROM: herrschroeder@aol.com
SUBJ: I am feeling a bit glumptecktikvrauzenheit

Jacques:

I have just read the statement by the so-called nations of so-called Europe in support of the Bush policy towards Iraq. It filled me with fraheurinvümpfgersnicht and also some bauernfrüstuklinstkölnhollern. I fear we may end up being isolated, with the rest of the world against us. Also: I did not appreciate Rumsfeld's comments about "old Europe." It gave me a terrible feeling of klavernsmellichtveis in my left toe. Perhaps we need to change our policy?

Gerhard

P.S. Ignore the comment about my left toe. It turns out my sandal strap was too tight.



TO: herrschroeder@aol.com
FROM: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
SUBJ: Our enduring and lonstanding friendship

My dear Gerhard:

What has troubled you? That trifling and absurd statement by the petits pois of Europe? Banish them from your mind, my old friend. This morning, as I was bravely spooning confiture de fraises de bois on my tartine, I reflected upon this very eventuality, and I came to the proper conclusion: These tiny nations tremble before a France and a Germany united to one purpose. For so long, my bel ami allemand, we two nations have been at war, invading each other, threatening each other - well, of course, when I say each other I trust you know what I mean - that news of our harmony has made our little friends nervous. They are nervous, mon ami, because a combination of German diplomacy and French courage cannot but be the thing that...wait a minute. Un moment, s'il te plait...a combination of French resolve and German strategic...wait a minute. One more time. A combination of French strength and German intellectual...zut! Look, Gerhard, just trust me, okay? We need to stand together.

Jacques



TO: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
FROM: cpowell@deptstate.gov
SUBJ: Recent French statements

Dear Mr. President:

I am concerned that recent French statements have categorically ruled out the possibility of French support for a possible military operation to resolve the crisis in Iraq. If this is the case, then you will understand our reluctance to spend time trying to garner such support. Please Clarify.

Colin



TO: cpowell@deptstate.gov
FROM: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
SUBJ: RE: Recent French statements

My dear Colin,

Perhaps I haven't made France's position clear enough. For that, I apologize. Frances position is, and has always been, that we will ultimately support an American-led military operation in Iraq. I hope that clarifies things...

Jacques



TO: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
FROM: herrschroeder@aol.com
SUBJ: What is this that I hear?

What is this that I hear from the Americans? That you are now in favor of the Iraq war? Looking forward to your response,

Gerhard



TO: herrschroeder@aol.com
FROM: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
SUBJ: RE: What is this that I hear?

Gerhard:

Calm yourself. There has been no shift in France's position. We remain completely and unalterably opposed to any military action with regard to Iraq. Remember, mon cher Chancellor, we must stick together.

Jacques



TO: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
FROM: cpowell@deptstate.gov
SUBJ: See attached files
[B]ATTACHMENTS:[B] Iraqevidence.doc; satellite1.jpg

Look forward to hearing your response.

Colin



TO: cpowell@deptstate.gov
FROM: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
SUBJ: Our enduring and longstanding friendship

My dear Colin:

I am, of course, somewhat persuaded by your new evidence and its presentation. As you know, France has always been a staunch ally of the United States. But we do reserve the right to make up our own minds. Schroeder is being quite inflexible, as I'm sure you understand. But never let it be said that France is inflexible. Rest assured that if the United States goes to war, we will supply it with all of our resources.

Jacques



TO: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
FROM: husseinman1441@aol.com
SUBJ: ????

J:

It goes without saying that we're grateful for your help so far in re nuclear materials and dirty bomb options. Can we count on your support if it comes to war?

Saddam



TO: husseinman1441@aol.com
FROM: jchirac@wanadoo.co.fr
SUBJ: RE: ????

Dear Mr. President:

Trust us. If it comes to war, we'll be right there...

Jacques

[Swordsman]

Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordian.

Donald Rumsfeld

[Gav]

Good to see good ol' Jingo is in town...

[magma]

I keep waiting for Napolean to appear,


Jose-phone
[use the phone]

p.s. DAAAAAAHhhhhlllinnnngggg! is that you?