Learning to compete

[mrbiggs]

Something that I've found helpful for myself is to simply plan ahead. Going into a tournament, if she knows that it's going to be frustrating to lose early, she should what she's going to do to deal with it ahead of time. If I feel like I've got a lot at stake, I'll plan to walk around the venue if I lose early (or some such). Keeping control on the strip is much easier for me when I've already planned out what I'm going to do with the frustration. Instead of screaming or crying or complaining after I lose that third straight parry riposte, I just think about the next touch and leave the moping to after the bout--well, at least in theory.

This type of stuff is much harder when you're 12, but it was helpful for me so I thought I'd mention it.


Plus, the more tournaments you fence the more relaxed they've seen. When I was at my Second Tournament Ever I thought it was the end of the world, but if it's the third ten person E and Under tournament you've been to in the past two months it doesn't seem as big of a deal. Becoming familiar with the people you see at tournaments and the venues can also be helpful. A DE isn't as big of a deal when you know that you'll probably fence the same person in a DE in the same room sometime in the next couple months, especially if the two of you are friends. So this might get easier by itself to some extent as she fences more.

[lauralitz]

I am replying to this as a parent of a now 14 yo female fencer.

My daughter sounds like yours in many ways. She is extremely competitive. She LOVES fencing and is very self motivated. She puts an enormous amount of pressure on herself...

I do not let her snap at me during competitions. I have threatened to take her home in the past when she has. I have also explained to her that when she is snarky to me she generally doesn't fence well. I have been lucky that she rarely gets an attitude with me, but I did set the stage early by letting her know that I would not be her whipping boy if things weren't going well at a tournament.

Having said that I am one of the lucky moms that is allowed to stay strip side at tournaments. She likes me there. I do NOT talk to her about her fencing. She knows if she is doing well or not. We have worked out that I keep the score sheet during her pool. I do this because it gives me something to do and she likes to know when she is up next and who she is against. Between pools and DE's I do become a bit of a food pusher, making sure she eats. As many have pointed out already, kids who are hungry are cranky. They also run out of fuel when they need it most.

I recommend the book "Games Girls Play" by Caroline Silby. I just pick it up from the library every now and then to look at. The author explains how female athletes think. I remember in one chapter she talks to parents about the right way to phrase questions so you can get your child to talk without putting them on the spot.

My DD competes in the national tournaments and we have a blast together. We look forward to our time away together. We have some fun routines and are creating some great memories.

Best of luck. My daughter has been fencing for 6 years and she still loves it.

lauralitz

[wakeup]

the more tournaments you fence the more relaxed they've seen. When I was at my Second Tournament Ever I thought it was the end of the world, but if it's the third ten person E and Under tournament you've been to in the past two months it doesn't seem as big of a deal.

I'm hoping it'll work that way! I think one thing she might be learning from spending a lot of time at club (i.e. fencing the same group of people) this summer is that there can be a lot of ebb and flow wrt who wins bouts and there's always tomorrow. Before she seemed to envision every defeat as the beginning of a downward trend and her underdog victories as flukes. I think she's gradually getting to a place where she treats each bout as up-for-grabs. (And I guess the stage after that is seeing each point as up-for-grabs.)

And, thanks, lauralitz, for the book recommendation -- turns out it's on the shelf at the library just across the plaza from DD's fencing club, so I'll probably borrow it tonight. Any chance your DD will be fencing Y14 epee this year? If so, we'll probably run into each other!

[lauralitz]

wakeup,

My DD just aged out of Y14 this past season. She also fences foil.

I am glad you were able to locate the book.

lauralitz

[wakeup]

Thanks to everyone for such good advice. I was able to implement all the physical stuff (sleep, nutrition, hydration) which definitely seemed to help. DD's first ever Y14 was a really interesting lesson in the both the highs-and-lows and I'm much more comfortable with how she's dealing with them. Coach was great and the two of them seem to be developing good rapport.

Can't say I'm looking forward to the next tournament (youth fencing tournaments have a level of chaos and of hurry-up-and-wait that I don't experience anywhere else -- and what's with the weird chair-hoarding dynamics?), but I'm certainly not dreading it. And DD's downright excited -- which is as it should be.