modest proposal for Olympic fencing format

[carlos]

Here is a modest, tentative suggestion for the format and style of Olympic fencing competitions which might kill many birds with a few stones. I invite diverse comments.

First, maintain men's and women's individual foil, epee, and saber (six events). Increase their television coverage (more on that later), including English language commentary and slow motion replays. Keep the qualifying format constant from Olympiad to Olympiad so that national teams know what to expect.

Second, eliminate all team events. Use the time, money, and other resources for a "neoclassical fencing" event. This foil event would be open to all ages and both sexes, and scored electrically and visually. ROW would be called conservatively and strictly. An (additional) judge could award touches for an opponent's bad sportsmanship. Under the auspices of the IOC and the FIE, a steering committee would set the rules as to blade flexibility, dwell time of point on target, and flickage allowed; with written ROW rules and examples, etc. Any issue not specifically addressed by the committee would be governed by the standard FIE and IOC rules (as of course all of the regular fencing events would be).

Who would make up this committee? There would be some representation from the existing FIE. Perhaps Messrs. Crown, Evangelista, Gaugler, Martínez & c. would put their honor and duty where their pens are and step forward to volunteer.

The additional television coverage would at first be offered to a network (OLN? ESPN4?), subsidized by the money saved from the deleted team events, the FIE, and sponsorships from one or two equipment manufacturers or distributors. Any SCA members buying standard fencing gear would be charged a $5 fee to support the neoclassical event. Additionally, anyone complaining in print about the flick, modern sport fencing, etc. who joins the USFA would be assessed a modest "classical tax." If the event grew, corporate sponsors like Schick razors (they also own Wilkinson Swords, maker of razor blades, pruning shears, and quality replica sabers and other blade weapons) should be recruited. If it comes to desperate measures, aficionados of the modern pentathlon (slated for elimination) could contribute if promised an epee event next time.

The television coverage, which would include at least two modern sport fencing events and the one neoclassical event, would feature interviews with the competitors (masks off) as a small addition to the bouts themselves. Perhaps the event would be broadcast just after coverage of women's beach volleyball and just before boxing. Commentary would be provided by a knowledgeable fencer and by Madonna in character from the Bond movie. Silly? Carmen Electra provides commentary for "Battlebots." Not that I wish to compare the sport of fencing to the engineering game of robot fighting, but it is certainly a precedent for choosing a color commentator for a reason other than deep knowledge of the topic.

If this approach fails, maybe adding fencing to "extreme games" and televising it after "American Gladiators" but before "Survivor WWF" would help.

If these measures fail, then neoclassical fencing could be added to the list of minor sports that went the way of live bird skeet shooting. If it succeeds, it would contribute to the financial support of fencing.

Your comments are invited.

[edew]

Bzzt. Thanks for playing, though.

[epeemike81]

ah, so, in this context neoclassical = electric classical....

I'd like to say "interesting", but its really not.

-m

[Inquartata]

Certainly a "big tent" idea.

The cynic in me notes that compromises usually leave both sides nursing the idea that they got the worst of the deal and feeling dissatisfied, though.

I'd rather see someone like Catherine Zeta-Jones or Sophie Marceau doing the commentary, though. Both have movie-fencing credentials, though not modern fencing ones it is true...it's just that I am desperately clutching at straws in order to avoid Madonna...