Fencing against a friend of 8 years

[kmwong]

I am fencing in a foil tournament (though sabre is my primary weapon) this weekend. It is a U-only, E rated event.

I am giving a ride to a teammate of mine who is strictly a foil-only fencer. As the competition looks right now, we are going to probably be the most experienced fencers in the entire event. The rest of the people preregistered for the event are either in their first USFA comp, or have finished last or close to last in most of their recent tournaments. This sets me and my friend up for a pretty good ranking if we keep our heads on.

The scenario I am dreading, is a DE bout for gold between me and her. It may not happen, but there is a strong chance it could. The gold medal comes with an E rating, and she has been fencing since middle school and really wants her E rating. I however, have some good foil competition experience in, and I know that on a very good day I could beat her.

In short I'm afraid of beating her in a bout, because I'm her friend, unconsciously I have this belief that she "deserves" to finish higher than me because she is an actual foilist...but another part of me thinks that is absolutely ridiculous, and I should be a hypercompetitive ***** (not actually being *****y though), and fence with everything I have. I think it is unfair to not give them your best.

I'm just afraid that my best may be better than her best on Sunday, because I've been fencing a little over break, and she hasn't even picked up a foil since early December.

Her personality is of the type that she'll be really pissed off if I beat her.

What I'm really really hoping for is that I don't get into that situation, that some of the kids fencing on Sunday are actually hard to beat because they are so small, and then I don't have to fence this DE against her (any DE, not just a gold medal DE).

How do you fence a good friend and teammate when a rating, or even just a medal or prize that you both really want...is at stake?

[erooMynohtnA]

How do you fence ... ?

To win.

[Morale Officer]

I'll tell you what the AC at my club tells me every time we go to a tournament together. She says, "Amy, I like you, but as soon as we step on that strip, all bets are off." That's how I generally look at it...unless I'm fencing a foil tournament...then I'm just there to mess with everyone's heads (sabre is my primary weapon and I only mess around with foil and do foil tournaments for S&G) and usually laugh my way through bouts - friend or not.

[catwood1]

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMk5sMHj58I[/YOUTUBE]

[MyrddinsPrecint]

I think it is unfair to not give them your best.

You already figured this out, you're now just moving on into overthinking it.

Her personality is of the type that she'll be really pissed off if I beat her.

That's her problem, isn't it? You're only allowed to be responsible for your behavior. Be a good athlete on the strip, be a good friend off the strip, and if she fails at either of those things, that's her fault, not yours. That's something she needs to struggle with, not you.

And you may, in the future, need to re-evaluate if the friendship or the the off-weapon tournaments are more important to you once you have this additional information. Or at least if you're willing to give her rides.

Real advice? Give her some space immediately after. If it does happen, and you do end up fencing each other in a gold medal bout, and it does end up kind of awkward, try to avoid being in the car together alone immediately after. Help keep score for some next event or grab food with other people, even if it's just fries. That should give the two of you enough time to relax a bit. Also have music you both can agree on for the ride back.

[dberke]

If this really is that big a problem, don't fence in the event and coach her instead. That way, if she wins and gets her E, you can both enjoy the victory!

Dan

[knave]

If she wins the event, she "deserves" the E. If she doesn't, she doesn't.

Ratings are classifications awarded based on tournament performance. Fence her hard, make her earn it. If she wins the event, you'll have done your part to help her grow as a fencer. If she doesn't win, you'll still have helped her grow.

I say this having fenced my wife in the last several tournaments I've fenced. I wouldn't dream of "letting" her win. If she wins, she wins. If I throw a bout, I'm not being respectful of her as a fencer.

[JacoKierkegaard]

If you respect her, you'll fence to the best of your ability.

Be sportsmanlike no matter what happens. If she wins, congratulate her and tell her how proud you are. If you win, thank her for being a good competitor.

[Purple Fencer]

There are no friends on the piste...none.

A couple of years ago I directed Bill Gelnaw in a sabre bout against his daughter...Bill also coached her.

When the masks came down it was (read in an Ahnold accent) "You are no longer my child....you are my enemy...I must destroy you."

She won....but she didn't back off on her dad either.

Fence to win....to do otherwise honors no one.

[Craig]

How do you fence a good friend and teammate when a rating, or even just a medal or prize that you both really want...is at stake?

I try my best to beat them. If they can't handle that then they shouldn't be fencing. If they don't respect me enough to come at me with their best, then I don't want them as a training partner.

Craig

[milstdfarm]

Fencing is a sport of honor and sportsmanship. It is a matter of honor that you try your best. It is even in the rule book; if you don't fence to the best of your ability you can get a black card.

[foibles]

If she throws a tantrum, she can walk home.

kidding.

She'll get over it.
If not, she isn't much of a friend.

[samh]

I've trained with one of my best friends for around 8 years now and when we fence it's war. If you don't have the competitiveness to try to beat your friend then I don't think tournaments are really for you.

[edew]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMk5sMHj58I

Catwood, Jet's coach may preach "Play to win", but I don't see the Jets doing that for the past 40+ years. Might need a better example for great coaches.

[InFerrumVeritas]

Look at it like playing Halo/any other game with your friends. You play to win. Otherwise, what's the point?

Fence her to the best of your ability. Period. If you can, kick her ass. If you're not fencing to win, there's no reason to be on the strip at a tournament.

Also, not that throwing a bout is collusion, which would, if proven, get you and your friend blackcarded.

[Guided by Wire]

There's always the possibility that neither of you will be in the gold medal bout.

[Inquartata]

Print out this thread and hand it to her.

[telkanuru]

[Mac A. Bee]

I am giving a ride to a teammate...Her personality is of the type that she'll be really pissed off if I beat her.

I used to drive to a fencing friend's house and from thence travel together to tournaments. What great comradeship - and even better competition when we were DE-paired. At a Vet NAC my first DE was against a former high school competitor. The 20something ref didn't know how to handle our kibitzing and complementing each other's actions. Competition is pure joy without raging hormones.

Then again, how do you think our women's saber national team handles it? Or the Kiefer sisters?

[telkanuru]

I used to drive to a fencing friend's house and from thence travel together to tournaments. What great comradeship - and even better competition when we were DE-paired. At a Vet NAC my first DE was against a former high school competitor. The 20something ref didn't know how to handle our kibitzing and complementing each other's actions. Competition is pure joy without raging hormones.

Then again, how do you think our women's saber national team handles it? Or the Kiefer sisters?

Poorly.

Great story! Tell it again! Tell it at a party and make some friends!