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  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Wetmelon's Avatar
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    Gay Teen Worried he Might Be Christian

    http://www.theonion.com/content/news...ed_he_might_be

    LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He's a member of his school's swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

    "I don't know what's happening to me," Faber admitted to reporters Monday. "It's like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I'm tempted to go behind my friends' backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on."

    Added Faber, "I feel so confused."

    The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

    "It's like I don't even know who I am anymore," the frightened teenager said. "Keeping this secret obsession with radical right-wing dogma hidden away from my parents, teachers, and schoolmates is tearing me apart."

    ENLARGE IMAGE

    Faber's sock drawer is home to a number of illicit magazines he has secretly accepted from street preachers.

    According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.

    "Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has," Faber said. "We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we're growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn't think it meant anything."

    Faber's instinct was to deny these early emotions. But recently, the Louisville teen admitted, the feelings have grown stronger, making him wonder more and more what life as a born-again right-wing fundamentalist would be like.

    "The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic," the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I know it's wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating."

    Faber's parents, although concerned, said they're convinced their otherwise typical gay son is merely going through a conservative Christian phase.

    "I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer," his mother, Eileen Faber, said. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but even if he doesn't, I will love and accept my son no matter what."

    Faber's father was far less tolerant in his comments.

    "No son of mine is going to try to get intelligent design into school textbooks," Geoffrey Faber said. "And I absolutely refuse to pay his tuition if he decides to go to one of those colleges like Oral Roberts University where they're just going to fill his head with a lot of crazy conservative ideas."

    He added, "I just want my normal gay son back."
    It kind of brings a tear to my eye. It is a story about a boy and his fundamentalism.
    In Flanders fields the poppies grow - Between the crosses, row on row, - That mark our place, and in the sky, - The larks, still bravely singing, fly, - Scarce heard amid the guns below. ~John McCrae

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array erik_blank's Avatar
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    I wanted to give you some rep for this, but apparently I have to give more to others first...

    Excellent....
    "Rub her feet!" - Lazarus Long, Time enough for Love, Robert A. Heinlein

    "Never moon a werewolf."
    Mike Binder

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array I_luv_saber's Avatar
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    I'll rep for the both of us then. I laughed my ass off.
    "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it."

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array migopod's Avatar
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    I too have covered some rep deficit.

    Sharing is Caring.
    Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem
    ~
    ^[:wq

  5. #5
    Gav
    Gav is online now
    Moderator Array Gav's Avatar
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    Along very similar lines...

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politi...-201001112367/

    I am not sure how familiar you are with polictics in Northern Ireland but all you have to do to find out more is go to the BBC NI section.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array jeff's Avatar
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    Hysterical!

    But, there's hope: I hear there's a cure...
    "In theory, theory and practice are the same, but in practice, theory and practice are different."

  7. #7
    Curmudgeon Emeritus Array Inquartata's Avatar
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    Cure? I thought it was Genesistic?
    Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!

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