When you know your going to die....

[SexyPeacock]

I don’t want to sound like a downer, but I’ve been thinking of a few things.
Last April I wasn’t supposed to live past the 17th. Now it’s almost three days to my birth day. I’ll o only be 17 , but that’s a year I thought I never see. In may, I realized that I have to live each day to the fullest. I knew I was given a second chance., and I wanted to so something with my life. I started to reset all my goals, I started my Japanese lessons more seriously, looked in to fencing, and even faced up on the petty things in life, that most teenagers are blind to.
Sad to say I haven’t been able to do much, of my goals, I’ve become sick once more, and all my fencing money has gone to medical bills. I haven’t been able to relish my dreams, I’m only hoping to reach Christmas. But what I’m trying to say is, you never know when the end will be, people live there lives in a bubble of….. Concerns and worries, I know I did. Live for the moment, tell the people you love , you love theme, never give up hope, and always keep your future clear.

And most important, never give up on your dreams, you’re the people who can actually achieve theme, please never give e up on theme, do theme for the people who many never be able to achieve there goals. Your life’s are not worthless , and you have an impact on every one you come in contact with. Most will never see the things that are treasured, until they are gone.

My fellow. Board members, and switch block friends, I ask that in your lives you never give into the world, that you will realize that life is not so cruel, and it can have some of the most precious blessings, I want you to keep your harts pure, , true. So that while your still standing you can reach to the stars, and remember dreams are only as far way as you make theme, so … hold theme close

With great love
Kawaii- chibi- pikaku (kajaku, heh found the right word for peacock…..)

[MikeHarm]

I haven't gotten to know you, at least under this name, but I will remember your words.

[D'Artagnan1673]

Its hard for us to respond to such a post. What you have to say is terribly tragic. You are so young to be faced with such a horrible situation; one you cannot deal with. All I can really say is that I hope your last few months will be as pleasant as they can be. Enjoy spending time with your family and the people you love.

Take care.

[epeefencer74]

Hey people she's not gone yet. Come on let's give her some encouragement. My wife, who works in a hospital, says that ppl with more support have better chance of recovery. So let's give her as much support as she needs and then some.

SexyPeacock you may be young but you have the wisdom of the sages and the prophets. I don't know the nature of you illness, but whatever it is I do pray that you will make a recovery as you did in April. From the way you put it, it seems that the doctors have told you that the chances are slim, but I say however slim they may be it is still a chance. I don't believe there is such a thing as an absolute prognosis. Everything from this point on is a chance. Even when they say there is none, God might still intervene (I'm not sure if you have any religion, but if you do have faith). So I say fight and live, grab at whatever chance is within reach.

Your words I will take to heart, and I will try to live it and spread it to all those around me. I will offer your needs up in prayer whatever they may be. May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord lift his countenance upon you and give you peace; May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; Amen.

Your comrade in arms

David Leow

[Catlady]

Peacock, a poem for you, I wish I had written it, but I must give credit to the real author, Dylan Thomas.

Do not go gentle into that good night
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you , my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


The part about old age isn't true for you of course, though I hold out hope you may get to be old yet, but anyway, don't give up yet. To paraphrase Yogi Bera, "It ain't over 'til it's over"--incidentally that sentiment will have to be included in that book I keep meaning to write about how everything I needed to know I learned from fencing-- fight until it's time to quit, you'll know when that is. I too know many people who shouldn't be here, but are, or who despite ultimately dying outlasted their fair share of death sentences.

If it does turn out you're set to move on, I'm sorry I never got to meet you in person or fence you. However, if there's fencing in heaven, and there must be or I certainly wouldn't want to go there, taKe some lessons from the departed greats because I'll be heading over for a bout as soon as I get settled in myself--many years from now I hope.

You are wise beyond your years and obviously a great person. My thoughts are with you.

[MikeHarm]

So what were your other logins that we would know you by SexyPeacock?

[Swordsman]

"O Father of mercies and God of all comfort, our only help in time of need; we humbly beseech thee to behold, visit, and relieve thy sick servant SexyPeacock for whom our prayers are desired. Look upon her with the eyes of thy mercy; comfort her with a sense of thy goodness; preserve her from the temptations of the enemy; and give her patience under her affliction. In thy good time, restore her to health, and enable her to lead the residue of her life in thy fear, and to thy glory; and grant that she may dwell with thee in life everlasting; through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Amen.


Lord, in thy mercy,
hear our prayer.

[epeefencer74]

Originally posted by Swordsman
"O Father of mercies and God of all comfort, our only help in time of need; we humbly beseech thee to behold, visit, and relieve thy sick servant SexyPeacock for whom our prayers are desired. Look upon her with the eyes of thy mercy; comfort her with a sense of thy goodness; preserve her from the temptations of the enemy; and give her patience under her affliction. In thy good time, restore her to health, and enable her to lead the residue of her life in thy fear, and to thy glory; and grant that she may dwell with thee in life everlasting; through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Amen.


Lord, in thy mercy,
hear our prayer.

Amen.

[SexyPeacock]

You are all to kind, and no words will i be able to remend. Thank you very much for you support and prayers, i will take each to the deepest of my hart, and charish theme when the night seems its darkess. With the strong will of live and knowlage that soem care i will stive to go on, as for many of your beautiful quotes i will try to answer what was said by memory, and that in it' self is not very good, lol.

let's see, "Catlady"
i hope the master can teach a fumbbled little one like me, when and if i happend to grace there prencence... i also wonder if god fences...., anyway i will take your challage with honor, and hopefully your life will be very long, so that this newbie wont fall straight on her face. heh and what a lovely poem, i will keep it close.

thank you "swordsman"
for your prayer, tis beautiful and i to will charish it's words to the larks of my hart.Fathe rin heaven shien on you for you grasious words of love.

"Epee,"
i will try and strive to my best,to proserve life and carry my burdens tell they have vanished form my soul. Your encouragent eill help when i go back to th vergouious sugery , in hat i call the human pin cusion. thenak you for persevering my words and sharing theme with others, i'm glad that if i do not survive that my words might bring comfort to some.

"D'art"
thank you for letting my hopes and dreams remian stable while on this beautiful earth. I will make my last moments into great memories, eveyr moment every day, i will honnor fo that is one more sunrise and sunset i was able to see. and when i see the sunrise in the east from the heavens above, i will do my best o ask a blessing on all whom gave comfort in my life.

And my lat name was peacock rose goddes, but i lost my password...heh.. and since i'm called sexy all the tiem at school as a retoical note to my true name which is Jexy, i thought i combine my two pet names, the peacock goddess an sexy lol.

thank you all again, for you great words, again keep strong, and remember in my favorite "wind chime speach , or slightly corny widsom tones"
no matter how the wind blows th womd chime, it may never ring a wrong note"
sincerly
Jexy

[Haze]

Anyone know of the words to "Made to Last" by Semisonic?

They are here, anyway:
http://www.musicfanclubs.org/semisonic/madetolast.html

- Seemed appropriate.


I wish you well, Jexy.

[MikeHarm]

Has anyone thought of trying a fundraiser tourney in your division to help with the medical bills? I don't know the folks from your area but I've seen it done before for folks. I feel like trying to help in some way.

[Ken Mondschein]

...it's not the dying that counts, but the living.

Keep showing your colors, Peacock.

[sjpfencer220]

Just wanted to bring this thread back to the front page. I don't think sexy peacock is here anymore, but it is really inspirational and, although bittwesweet, I want to with Jexy good luck and blessings in whatever endeavor she takes on, wherever she is right now.

[fencerbill]

This thread has brought back to me my good friend Dean Alexander.

Dean did not survive the reoccurence of his cancer this past winter. But he had survived the original occurrence. And survived well.

He participated in the first Veterans World Fencing Championships in Siofolk, Hungary, in 1999.

Then the cancer occurred but his treatment was effective. Afterwards he participated in the World Championships again. And he finished writing his autobiography, "Cue the Elephants", about his career in television.

I don't know whether SexyPeacock was able to get back to fencing. I hope she did and I hope she is still with us.

But I hope she, and others, don't lose hope. Because fencing was such a beacon of hope for Dean and his participation was so precious to him. While I am sad for him, I am so glad he was able to achieve his dream and participate again.