Fencing Zombie Survival Guide

[pillow]

Does that zombie remind anyone of a well known USFA personage, or is it just my imagination?

[RkfdFencer]

Agreeing with K O'N about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (although it could use a littel more action IMHO).

I never read the original, but cannot imagine how dreadful it would be to read without the zombie apocalypse thrown in. Some of the characters are still mind numbingly boring people.

I do not have any plans to read Sense and Sensibility and Seamonsters.

[RkfdFencer]

I'd strap a holder for a flare on the end of my foil. I could stick a flare on the end of the foil.

But flick hits with a flaming foil are not one shot/one kill. You just end up with a brain eater on fire. It doesn't even slow 'em down.

[Dev]

Veteran Fencers versus Zombies:

This one is a particularly tricky distinction. Both Veteran fencers and zombies tend to exhibit shambling, shuffling footwork, indifference to aural stimuli, slack facial expressions, and a general lack of balance and coordination combined with surprising muscle power. Both may be found in bathrobes, in public, at odd times--zombies because they were bitten while relaxing at home, Veterans because it's between pools and DEs. Within both crowds, groaning is the primary form of communication.

Err on the side of caution. Just because that shambling figure didn't respond to your sharp call of "Halt!" doesn't mean he's a zombie--he might be a Vet fencer. Try these simple tips to differentiate between the two:

1) Try to turn on a colored scoring light within the field of vision of your subject. While many veteran fencers will ignore the score box's tone because they can't hear it or the referee, many will respond to the light. Turn one on nearby; if they stop after (at most) two or three extra remises, they're a veteran fencer. If they don't stop at all, they're a zombie. React accordingly.

2) Stand before the subject and reverse a referee hand signal, or call a riposte or counterattack against them. This should trigger the Veteran fencer's complaining reflex; if they continue to advance without reacting, they are a zombie.

3) When faced with a crowd containing both Veteran fencers and zombies, one can quickly separate the herd by making use of the nearest P.A. system. Announce that the bout committee has determined that only two strips will be sufficient for warming up, and the rest of the venue will begin breakdown immediately. Those who angrily storm the bout committee table are Veteran fencers; the rest are zombies.

4) Make a comment within earshot of your subject that their L16 DE could easily be handled by a newer referee, because it's slow anyway. Lack of protest could indicate deafness, but most Veteran antennae are quite sensitive to this sort of thing--your unresponsive subject is more likely to be a zombie.

5) If you are under the age of 32, loudly ask a group of subjects if anyone has Ibuprofen. Veteran fencers will proudly produce their own personal supplies of NSAIDs while gleefully mocking your lack of preparedness. Anyone without an IB bottle is probably a zombie; they can no longer feel pain.

Using these helpful tips, one can safely negotiate a mass of white-clad, foot-dragging, groaning, shambling subjects of questionable nature in the most expedient manner.

[Purple Fencer]

Veteran Fencers versus Zombies:

This one is a particularly tricky distinction. Both Veteran fencers and zombies tend to exhibit shambling, shuffling footwork, indifference to aural stimuli, slack facial expressions, and a general lack of balance and coordination combined with surprising muscle power.

Does anyone else think of Donald Benge (RIP) when they read this??

[Superscribe]

You're putting in a lot of work in differentiating.

If the USFA doesn't care about vet fencers, I won't either. jk. Too soon?

[monitorlizerd]

Obviously if there are many zombies the canting bar is always the better choice. If you are being ambushed by zombies the canting bar is also the better option but if there are only one or two zombies and you are the one doing the ambushing I would probably go with the soldering iron because of its greater likelihood for a one hit kill. If there is only one zombie between you and a vehicle or more powerful weapon, sneaking up behind it and ramming a soldering iron into its eye socket would be a quick and quiet way to overcome this obstacle.

Canting bar in one hand, and two or three stretcher chains (the metal chains with the copper caps) to whip around in the other.....
And while I'm an armorer, I dont drink. However, you can always bribe me with Diet Pepsi, or a small bottle of Everclear (to clean with, silly!)

[wwalkerjr]

Veteran Fencers versus Zombies:

This one is a particularly tricky distinction. Both Veteran fencers and zombies tend to exhibit shambling, shuffling footwork, indifference to aural stimuli, slack facial expressions, and a general lack of balance and coordination combined with surprising muscle power.
Using these helpful tips, one can safely negotiate a mass of white-clad, foot-dragging, groaning, shambling subjects of questionable nature in the most expedient manner.

I now see the purpose of some of your directing idiosyncrasies.

Regards,

Bill

[pillow]

I still say that zombie is a "dead" ringer for someone we know.

[SabreReedfrost]

I still say that zombie is a "dead" ringer for someone we know.

Then enlighten us.

[pillow]

Then enlighten us.

That's the problem--I've seen him at NACs but don't know his name.

[CaptainA]

Tactic No. 6: Misquote a rule. If they take it without complaining, they're zombies. If they scream for the B.C., vets. Or parents of a junior.

[Craig]

I still say that zombie is a "dead" ringer for someone we know.

It's an istockphoto photo.

[Winterbean]

Tactic No. 6: Misquote a rule. If they take it without complaining, they're zombies. If they scream for the B.C., vets. Or parents of a junior.

Or a friend of mine who did this exact thing at a tournament last week

[Fiat Slug]

Tactic No. 6: Misquote a rule. If they take it without complaining, they're zombies. If they scream for the B.C., vets. Or parents of a junior.

Corollary to #6: make up a rule. A vet fencer will immediately tell you there's no such rule whereas the parent of a junior will pull out her iPhone to *prove* to you that there's no such rule. The zombie, unlike the other two, will maintain it's cool.

[MyrddinsPrecint]

It's an istockphoto photo.

There are istockphotos of zombies with clipboards?????? WHY???

other than this, of course.....

[foibles]

Zombies today arent crap compared to the zombies of the 1980's.


Our zombies could dance.

[Wetmelon]

I'd then load up my paintball gun with marbles. The trauma of a high velocity marble impacting a chest or head should not be neglected.

Yea, my friend can tell you all about that one! (He has 4 older brothers)

Our zombies could dance.

Terribly, and to mediocre music *ducks*

[rburch]

I find it highly amusing we've brought zombie survival onto this forum.

Mainly because my other forum is the Zombie Squad Forum. We use zombie uprising as a tongue in cheek term for any disaster situation it would be a good idea to prepare for.

Now as for fencing gear, not sure anything we use would be effective, although the canting bar is best option so far.

Then again, melee is generally considered a bad idea when it comes to zombies. It would require you either crushing, piercing, or cutting the skull, and all of those actions result in body and other fluids splattering. If these zombies can spread infection through those fluids, it's not good to be close when they splatter.

That said, the fencing jackets, and those pants would be good options in the case you did end up close, and a mask would help with the splattering.

Still my plans for most such situations involve holing up somewhere defendable and waiting it out. preferably somewhere with a large supply of food, water, and ammunition.

Oh, and i'd really like a fencing strip, and lots of books. But since the boxes can be heard in the next county, I think it'd have to be dry fencing.

[larkascending]

My school has a registered student organization (read: club) called the Zombie Readiness Task Force. I think a friend of mine is a member.