Need help motivating a teen with an Xbox addiction

[milstdfarm]

One of my fencers (14 yo boy) could be a good fencer but he would rather play video games. He can't wait for practice to get over.

The main reason he comes to practices is to hang with his friends The main reason he wants to go to tournaments is so he can visit other cities and eat at McDonalds.

He works hard in bouts until he falls pretty far behind then he seems to give up. He told me after one DE that he quit trying so it would get over sooner.

It's okay with me if he just wants to have fun with fencing and never takes it seriously but when he loses he gets down on himself. And I have a hard time with the father who doesn't understand why his son is goofing off rather than trying hard.

Soooo, do any of you guys have some suggestions for me how to motivate the kid to try harder? OR... make the father accept that his son is only moderately interested in winning?

[Allen Evans]

Hmmm...the student actually IS trying pretty hard....to hang out with his friends, and to win at X-box. He's just not trying that hard to fence.

I think you need to take a step back and find out why this student started fencing in the first place. What were his motivations for fencing to start with, and do they still exist? If they still exist, you might have to ask yourself some questions about the conduct of practices that the student is participating in? Has something changed to reduce his motivation?

If his motivation for fencing doesn't exist any more, it might be worthwhile to find out what's changed. Was it something he had certain expectations for that aren't being met? Is this something that was a phase, and now this phase is past? Is this something that his father wanted more than he did? Did he start fencing as a way to have mini vacations away from home with his friends (wouldn't be the first student), but is now being expected to "produce" during these trips?

Kids at this age go through a lot of different interests. They can be very passionate about something, and then, a year later, that activity is gathering dust and they've moved on to something else.

You won't know, unless you ask. Just remember that 14 year old boys are not always the best communicators. It may take more than one conversation, or a conversation with the boy and others.

[RITFencing]

Hard to say what the issue is without knowing him; motivations can be as numerous as fencers. That being said, talk to the kid. Ask him what's up, if he still enjoys fencing, if there are any problems he's having.

Try to avoid being negative and confrontational. "Why don't you work hard? What's wrong with you? Don't you want to win?" will just drive him away. "Has everything been going ok? Stuff been bothering you about fencing? You seem like you haven't been having much fun lately, how can we change that?" might not hurt.

Also, he may be having confidence issues on the strip. Those take time and baby steps to heal (generally.) Success will help there, but to succeed he needs to train harder, it seems.

You can also use themed bouting in the club, without keeping score. Just rotate the fencers every few minutes, and give each one a task. It could be as vague as "one fencer attacks, the other defends" or as specific as "you must score with a parry 4 disengage riposte." That shifts the focus of success from scoring X amount of touches to something that will help him develop without giving confidence issues.

You can also try to keep them all super busy with fun things at practice. Don't give them time to goof off. Change the drill every few minutes, give them games, have them fence a few bouts and then move on to another drill. Give them breaks, but only at designated times.

Finally, he's 14. He's entered that age where we're all just jerks in one form or another. You may just have to deal with that.

[Mauler]

Next time you see him do ANYTHING positive that you'd like to encourage, SCREAM this on top of your lungs as you point at him:

"Achievement Points! (insert positive activity) 50G!"

[AaronK]

I agree that communication here is going to help (but may not solve) with this issue.

From the coaches perspective you will need to know what the kid wants/expects from fencing. You probably should be talking with the parent about what they want/expect (from fencing) for their son. I can't say what the parent's role should or shouldn't be, but there is going to be conflict that you can't really resolve if the parent has any expectation not congruent with their child's motivation or goals (be that success, happiness, health, whatever).

I think your best bet is to talk to the student first, and see if you can establish some outcomes between you both...what does this student want to achieve in the short-term, and work together to achieve it.
Having the parents involved (in something other than parenting) can be a positive, or can hurt the situation. It's important that you are communicating with them what's going on (I think they should be included in knowing), so long as they are not attempting to interject or "motivate" the kid's activity.
Maybe this kid is fencing to get away from their parents (to be around their friends)- so that's going to be difficult to motivate them, and involving the parents could backfire.

Kids may often make excuses to cover up for something difficult for them to face...not being there was this kid actually "giving up" because they didn't want to be there anymore, or did they feel helpless after a certain gap in the score was reached. They might have said they wanted to "get it over with" when in fact they may have been ashamed for getting so far behind and covered it by a false sense of "I lost because I was in control". I'm sure you have a clearer perspective of what you thought they where communicating in that moment (being at the tournament yourself), though I was just trying to make the point that not all motivations (giving up a DE vs. not taking practice more seriously) may stem from the same root...

[Don Badowski]

Originally Posted by milstdfarm

One of my fencers (14 yo boy) could be a good fencer but he would rather play video games. He can't wait for practice to get over. The main reason he comes to practices is to hang with his friends The main reason he wants to go to tournaments is so he can visit other cities and eat at McDonalds.

What a life! Your fencer sounds like the type of kid that Morgan Spurlock makes documentaries about. I suspect the parents are pushing him into fencing as a way getting out of couch potato mode, without having to compete in your typical jock sports, which he's sure to feel out of place. Any chance of this?

[SabreReedfrost]

It seems to me that you've already accepted that his son is only moderately interested in fencing, if you don't mind that he's taking it lightly and does not have much interest in whether he wins or loses. If his father knows about his attitude towards the sport, then he obviously is waiting for you to do something.

[Cookeit]

Originally Posted by milstdfarm

The main reason he wants to go to tournaments is so he can... ...eat at McDonalds.

I admit it, I lol'ed.
Explain please?

[milstdfarm]

Cookeit:
"I admit it, I lol'ed.
Explain please?"
-----------------------

Don't underestimate the thrill a 14 year old gets spending a weekend in a new city, sharing a hotel room with 3 friends and eating out every meal.

We have had some success at tournaments. The fencer in question has fenced much harder and he, his father, and I, am happy with his effort. The difference: strip-side cheerleading. I make sure to cheer every good action, clapping, shouting encouragement, etc.

Next is to get better practice effort out of him.