Tournament Coaching Conundrum

[darius]

I have followed the rule (mentioned above) about no strip coaching bouts between teammates….and especially between my three sons…except in the case of low impact or practice bouts for learning. But, I have often been accused of favoritism by other parents in the club.

I have even been accused…by other parents… of teaching their kids the “wrong stuff” during lessons….so that my sons could beat them. Or at least…not teaching them the “right stuff” to beat my sons.

In my case, I go out of my way to engage parents, and if they ever have a question regarding the way I do things, I'll happily tell them my reasoning.

If they're politely asking about it, then it's easy to engage them -- why would you not teach them the actions to beat your sons? Clearly, if anything, you SHOULD be teaching them the "right stuff" to beat your sons, so that your sons will see those tactics and get better against them. If its a tactical question -- why are they not learning to parry the remise when fencing the middle child, for example? -- then explain that the student has to learn the rules before learning to break the rules.

If they're being accusatory or going behind your back, different methods may apply. And of course, all this implies that the accusations are untrue.

darius

[MdA]

Parents are so crazy...when it comes to their kids and competition. I have tried many things over the years...like engaging the parents....as you say

It takes a lot of energy. In recent years...since we train at an epee club...I just teach the other kids epee...mine fence foil....I just don't want the hassle.

[Allen Evans]

Since Dominion does not have a varied group of fencers to fence against, I go out of my way to give weaker students advice to beat stronger ones in club. The stronger fencers understand that I am trying to create situations that will challenge them. The weaker fencers see this as a sign that I'm not protecting any "prize pigs". I never advise the strong fencers on actions to beat the weaker ones -- it's their job to figure those situations out. I make sure that my fencers understands this.

When it comes to coaching your own kids, however, you're not going to dispell any doubts about your behavior as long as your kids are successful*. There will always be a parent who feels that you're not doing your best to help their own kid. But isn't there always ONE parent at club who isn't happy?


AE

*And if your kids AREN'T succesful, another parent will use this to question your abilities as a coach.

[MdA]

....
When it comes to coaching your own kids, however, you're not going to dispell any doubts about your behavior as long as your kids are successful*. There will always be a parent who feels that you're not doing your best to help their own kid. But isn't there always ONE parent at club who isn't happy?

AE

*And if your kids AREN'T succesful, another parent will use this to question your abilities as a coach.

...so your saying that if everybody was beatin' the crap outa my kids...this problem would go away...and I would have another one? Why am I doing this job?
...and your right there always seems to be one very unhappy parent....besides me.

[fencer92]

Communication, communication, communication. Too many coaches feel that we should just trust them. As a parent I think that the hardest part is letting go. We all have to do it sometime but it is a learned process and not an automatic one. As the parent of a fencer, I can truthfully say that it would make things so much easier, both in our attitudes towards the coach and my fencer's feelings about giving in to the process if the coach was a more effective communicator.

[Allen Evans]

...Why am I doing this job?

(laughing)

Glad to hear that I'm not the only one asking that question at times!

AE

[MdA]

(laughing)

Glad to hear that I'm not the only one asking that question at times!

AE

I suppose Greg Massialas has this problem...what do you think?

Wes Glon....Sarkosova...lotta parent/coaches out there.

[Allen Evans]

I suppose Greg Massialas has this problem...what do you think?

Every coach with a kid in his/her own program is going to face charges of favortism. The best the coach can do is run a transparent program and let the chips fall where they may. No matter how much (or how good) of a communicator the coach is, at one time or another a parent is going to be upset about the "coach's bias". If the coach has done a good job of demonstrating a lack of bias, this complaint will usually be limited to one person, and it won't spread to the other parents in the program. If the coach hasn't done a good job, the dissatisfaction of one parent will spread to the others whether the coach is biased or not.

To be fair, the coach's kid usually does have an advantage over the other kids: 24 hour access to fencing knowlege. In a fencing household, you're constantly being immersed in fencing conversations across a wide array of topics. At my house, with two coaches, we're constantly trading knowlege and information (and the odd bit of gossip) at the dinner table, in the car, and so forth. Most kids aren't going to have access to this, unless they, too, have a fencing parent who knows something.

AE

[MdA]

......
To be fair, the coach's kid usually does have an advantage over the other kids: 24 hour access to fencing knowlege. .....AE

This is true. No matter how good a communicator, the coach is not going to give as much info to the other kids in the club….as his own kids for the reasons that Allen sites.

This is particular true for coaches for whom English is a second language.

I encourage non-coaching parents, to immerse themselves in fencing as much as possible with your child…just like any other activity….boy scouts, band, soccer, cheerleading, etc. There are plenty of opportunities to share fencing information with your child. Get involved in bout committee, equipment repair, refereeing, tournament organization, division officer/treasurer/secretary, club parent rep, Fencing.NET...(plug for Craig)...etc.

If you are expecting all this additional info to be rolled up into your two-hour session at the club ….or your coaching fees for tournaments….you are kidding yourself and your kids. Not to mention college recruiting info…..whole ‘nother topic.