Conspiracy theories!

[erik_blank]

Similar to the Vending Machine of Doom:
Create a conspiracy theory based on the topic of the poster above you, then give a topic for the next person.
Example: Ball Point Pens
- The FBI says: Don't Use them for sensitive information as they are actually reporting your written work to internet hackers! Ball point pens were originally the work of shape changing space aliens that use nano-technology to report all written communication to their home planet. Recently internet hackers have figured out how to intercept these message and now use this data to pry into your personal accounts and feelings. Worse they use this to gain access to your bank and credit card accounts!

Your turn:
Butterflies

[magic_moose]

Butterflies are trying to corner the world market on nectar and pollen so they can raise prices to the point where flowers will be unable to reproduce without spending huge sums of money. This will also wipe out the hated bees unless all the people and BEARS pay a ransom to keep the honey flowing.


Steven Colbert.

[erik_blank]

It is a well established fact that Steven Colbert is in fact himself actually a self loathing bear. Like many other self haters in history, he is advocating for the destruction of his own race, while adamantly denying his own connection to this race. Mr. Colbert, or as his actual name was before he had it legaly changed, Mr. ColBEAR has gone through a series of race change operations to reduce the appearance of his Ursine heritage, and is now on an unethical campaign to instill fear and loathing of his family.

Lightning Rods

[magic_moose]

In spite of the well publicized campaign to install lightening rods on rooftops and historically significant trees to prevent lightning damage, those in the know, realize they have a homeland defense mission. They are really designed as a last line of defense against attack by dirigibles, blimps, and airplanes.

Benjamin Franklin was the first to devise and advocate the installation of these. As a forward seeing scientist, he realized that one day people would invent both lighter and heavier than air craft and he wanted to make sure that his fledgling country was prepared for attack. This is obvious if you read his diatribe against the influx of swarthy Germans corrupting the country and the English language. He was foreseeing the 20th century wars and trying to secretly prepare the country for a possible invasion from the air.

A final and incontrovertible fact is that Franklin advocated pointed rods as being the most efficacious. An English counterpart, who read Franklin's work but did not appreciate the true significance, advocated blunt rods. George III eqiuped his palace with blunt rods, whereas in America, pointed rods were used to prepare against the possibility of the English developing flying machines and using them in the impending Revolutionary War.

bird feeders

[dharmaqueen]

In order to prevent a bird gap, dutiful Americans were asked to construct homes and place food liberally about the yard on sturdy poles to attract American winged avian. The hope was that these local fowl would be used enmass to take down large planes, to carry small weapons of mass destruction and be used for food in times of nuclear winter.

Obviously this technology has been used by terrorist in the past month to take down a plane into the Hudson.

When will we stop feeding the war machine?

dental floss

[magic_moose]

Have you ever wondered why it is that everyone is encouraged to abrade their gums daily with a piece of expensive string?

It is because one of the easiest ways to infect people with pathogens is through injury to their gums. The floss is impregnated with low doses of a bacterium which does not really cause acute infection, but rather a chronic debility. This is designed not only to feed our bloated healthcare system but to make people weak and tractable. You will notice that the largest expansion of government did not occur until the populace was encouraged to floss their teeth daily.

Furthermore, the need for extra health care resulting from this will encourage people to support government sponsored medicine.

Stay strong....Don't floss your teeth!!!!! (Also avoid toothpaste with flouride. They use it for rat poison).

Mountain Dew

[erik_blank]

MAMDD (Mothers Against Mountain Dew Drinkers) recently formed in an attempt to stop people from consuming MD, and thus keep the general population dumb. MAMDD is actually a front group for an elite Right Wing, Socialist branch of the Holy order of Libertarian Freemason LaRochites. This group has realized that MD is an effective source for students of all ages and economic levels to provide the stimulation and alertness needed to study and thus advance the under classes into a position that could threaten the established status quo. As such, the MAMDD group has attempted to promote false facts that MD is nothing more than a source of tooth rot and early appearance of facial tics.
DON'T LET THEM FOOL YOU! CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES OF MD! NOW! (Paid for by the council to get more cash for Pepsico, inc)

Digital TV

[erik_blank]

While most people think that Digital TV is simply a method of attaining a higher quality picture for their entertainment, What most people don't know is that thre is actually a secret circuit hidden inside the so-called "tuning" devices. These devices were created by illegal Norwegian aliens to eventually replace all humans with ludafisk slurping brainless zombies.

Lexan Masks

[DavidX]

lexan masks are aight

[RkfdFencer]

Lexan Masks

Kind of a trick topic as it has been known on f.net for some time that the implementation of lexan masks in Sabre was intended solely for the purpose of determining Inq's true identity. (an attempt he thwarts by wearing those damn sunglasses)

paste

[erik_blank]

While "paste" has been around for quite some time, it is a little known fact that it is currently being used to smuggle in large quantities of doctored and genetically altered corn starch. No one really knows who originated this GM corn starch, but it has been proven that the starch, once washed down the drains in sufficient quantities, will gather in the sewage treatment plants and create a new blobbish life form that will wipe out all local librarians prior to spontaneously combusting and immolating the local flower/Audubon society.

Alarm Clocks