Parent disagreement.

[Trinric]

For the last long while, I have been becoming really interested in fencing. I have gotten to a point where I don't think I could go much longer without trying it.
The problem here is; My dad doesn't want me to get involved with it. He wants me to get involved with something he considers more worthwhile like starting up piano lessons again, or guitar lessons, or more tennis. My brother used to do fencing many years ago, and my dad just couldn't get into it, and didn't see any purpose. My mom doesn't think he is justified in his decision, but can't convince him otherwise.
When I typically try to confront him about why he doesn't want me to get into fencing, he says things such as: "Who is the one who is going to drive you back and forth, or who is going to be paying for those classes." When he is willing to jump forward and pay for those other lessons.
He sadly does not see any point to it, and won't listen to reasons. Any ideas?
Trinric.

[noodle]

whats the point of piano lessons or tennis?

here's a clear benefit: if you get good at fencing before you pick a college, you'll find it potentially easier to get into the higher up universities. there are far fewer people looking to do that through fencing than piano tennis or guitar.

[bbugiii]

How old are you? Are you approaching or in your teens? If so…

The first question I have is who wanted the other lessons? Have you set a pattern of trying something for a bit and losing interest rather quickly? OR Have your parents signed you up for the other lessons believing that you would enjoy them without really asking? I have seen it work both ways and certainly for the young one job a parent has is to expose their children to various activities and sports in an attempt to find a good fit.

A parent does a better job when they pay attention to the interest of the child - what types of activities has the child always been drawn to. If fencing is something that has held your interest for awhile and if the sport is a good match with your competitive personality then help your parents see this passion. Take on jobs appropriate for your age to earn money towards lessons. Find another parent who is supportive and fencing for their child and ask your dad to have a chat with them. Get a coach to talk with your parents and share the benefits of fencing both health/fitness as well as potential college impact.

You said your dad just couldn’t get into the sport when your brother was fencing. In a respectful way remind him that the main point is for the person doing the sport to be into it. Perhaps your brother was not into fencing as much and that attitude wore off on your dad. Ask him why he did not find it interesting, and then tell him why you do. Although it is hard for kids to believe if, we parents are capable of listening – especially is our kids come to us in a calm manner with a well thought out case.

Good luck
Bbugiii’s mom

[amandaa]

Hi! Maybe if you discussed some benefits of fencing with your dad he will see how good it can be! I have been fencing for 7 weeks and I have already gotten a lot out of it:

1. I have made friends!

2. I have gotten stronger and gotten better endurance.

3. My reflexes and balance have improved.

4. I have lost a little weight!

5. I am becoming more self-confident and less shy and reserved.

By the way I fence on a college team. Good luck and I hope you get to fence!

[Trinric]

Alright, thanks everyone. Let's hope he listens to reason..

[ApAperture]

He is paying for the guitar lessons and the piano lessons and the tennis lessons... but seriously, I think he will continue to waste his money unless he invests it in something you're really passionate about.

My dad didn't want me to fence and was very discouraging; then I became over dramatic and said, if you could turn back time and be a boxer, would you do it? I knew the answer is yes. Don't say anything like that though; your dad might not have the same soft spot.

PS. Dunno where I read it but statistics show that them fencers have some brilliant minds.

[SEM Fencer]

PS. Dunno where I read it but statistics show that them fencers have some brilliant minds.

And we are notoriously good manipulators, as well. If you really want it...you'll figure out a way.

[Phrogger]

Aw, this post kinda makes me sad. I hope that when my son gets older I have an open mind about things and lets him do what interests him, not just what I think is worthwhile or "safe."

I'll second what noodle said: You may gain more traction by explaining that a college scholarship is quite possible with a solid fencing background, and present him with a list of NCAA schools with varsity fencing teams.

Could he be concerned about the safety? It's a fact that fencing is safer than sports like soccer and football, because there aren't as many contact injuries.

Is there some other reason he could be objecting? Did he have a bad experience with your brother's coach or club? Perhaps your bro could shed some light.

Does he want you to settle in some activity and pursue excellence there instead of losing progress by activity-hopping?

If you can't make any headway, take comfort in the fact that once you leave for college he won't have much say in the matter (except, perhaps, monetarily). Just make sure you go to a school near a good club!

[epeelion]

Or a school WITH a good club! ;-)

[OMCEPKEN]

tell your Dad you'll do whatever lessons he wants you to do if he lets you try fencing. do well at both.

[FoilBlender]

Show initiative: get a part time job, do some chores, etc. Eventually he'll see the light.

[Old Fencer]

After almost 30 years in Law Enforcement I have concluded that children and parents need to make a choice between “Sports” or “Courts”. By that I mean you must occupy your time or you will drift into undesirable areas.

You could argue that universities and colleges work on a tier level of acceptance and that allows a coach a few tokens each year to bump you athletes to the next level. This could make the difference in being accepted into more formidable educational institution thus insuring a better life.

You could assume a task normally reserved for your Dad to provide him with additional free time to cart you about. I would also suggest that you sit down with him to discuss your commitment to learning and agree to a minimum time frame that you must devote to the sport before being allowed to withdraw.

If you’re lucky enough to be near a Division I NAC take a ride with him to watch some of the better fencers in the country and world compete. He may not understand what it is all about and may walk away with a greater appreciation of the athleticism required to master the sport.

Despite the rumors fencers are real people too, whom for the for the most part enjoy wonderful professional success.