The Fencing Will Not Be Televised
You will not be able to stay home brother
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and fence off
You will not be able to lose yourself on the piste
Or skip out for Lucozade during commercials
Because the fencing will not be televised.
The fencing will not be televised
The fencing will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruption.
The fencing will not show you pictures of Andrea Baldini
Snorting bugle and leading a charge
On Andrea Cassara, Toti Sanzo and Peter Joppich
To avenge the plot against him.
The fencing will not be televised.
The fencing will not be brought to you
By the BBC highlights show and will not star
Sharron Davies and Colin Jackson or some other idiot
The fencing will not give your mouth sex appeal
The fencing will not get rid of the nubs
The fencing may make you look five pounds thinner
But the fencing will not be televised brother.
There will be no pictures of two foilists
Furiously attempting the fifth remise
Or trying to slide that ill-timed counter attack in
NBC will not be able to predict the winner of the Men’s Epee
Or even count to 15 hits
The fencing will not be televised.
There will be no pictures of pointless shouting on the instant replay
There will be no pictures of pointless shouting on the instant replay
There will be no pictures of Gil Ok Jung being run off the piste
By a psyched up Valentina Vezzali.
There will be no slow motion or still life of Richard Kruse
Strolling through the Olympic Village
In a red, white and blue tracksuit
That he had been saving for just the proper occasion.
Green lights, the women’s sabre and right-of-way
Will no longer be so damned relevant
And no-one will care if the front foot landed before the hit
Because fencers will be on the internet
*****ing about a lack of coverage.
The fencing will not be televised
There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock news
And no pictures of fat-arsed women epeeists
Or Rene Roch blowing his nose
The theme song will not be written by Pharrell Williams, Alicia Keys
Nor sung by Maroon 5, Rihanna, Coldplay, Leona Lewis or The Feeling.
The fencing will not be televised.
The fencing will not be right back after a message
About a white tornado, white lightning, or white breeches
You will not have to worry about a blown call
A thrown mask, or a foot off the side of the piste
The fencing will not go better wireless
The fencing will not look better with Vision masks
The fencing will be won by the Chinese.
The fencing will not be televised
Will not be televised, will not be televised
The fencing will be no re-run brothers
The fencing will be live.
(An acknowledgement/apology to Gil Scott-Heron)
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