Just a Warning...

[Mo]

Attention parents....
Although you know it is going to happen, it is supposed to happen, when your kids finally leave home,
IT JUST PLAIN SUCKS!!
It is the worst at dinner time, when they are supposed to come straggling in.

The Momster

[erik_blank]

I am both sorry and happy for you at the same time. I feel happy that your child has managed to move on to a (hopefully) productive life and has a method of supporting him/herself in the world. I sympathize with you over your loss. Loneliness can be pretty rough. I have three to look forward to leaving home... Although I can't really say that I look forward to it. Just that I know that this is on the horizon for me also.

I am happy.sorry for your gain/loss. (how wishy washy can you get?)

May your child succeed in all walks in life!

[whiteandbluefencer]

I'm sure it's tough for my mom... I'm leaving in a couple of days, in fact 20 days early (conference and RA training). Plus, I go to college so far away that I can't come home till Christmas.

[Mo]

I am both sorry and happy for you at the same time. I feel happy that your child has managed to move on to a (hopefully) productive life and has a method of supporting him/herself in the world. I sympathize with you over your loss. Loneliness can be pretty rough. I have three to look forward to leaving home... Although I can't really say that I look forward to it. Just that I know that this is on the horizon for me also.

I am happy.sorry for your gain/loss. (how wishy washy can you get?)

May your child succeed in all walks in life!

Erik,
Thanks for writing such a nice reply to my whining post. My son who is four years older than my daughter just moved out this summer. Both kids took off within 6 weeks of each other.
We had great times while they were at home. I expect to have great times in the future too but right now is just difficult.
When your kids move out feel free to come here and express your dismay about your empty nest. I will be right there to support you.
WhiteandBlue. It is good that you know it is hard on your mom for you to be leaving. Keep in touch with her and let her know that you still love her. It would make me happy if my daughter who is going the farthest from home, asked me to mail her some homemade goodies because "no one can make them like you mom." Do that ok??
Sincerely,
THe Momster

[whiteandbluefencer]

I call her every couple of days, and bore her with all sorts of details about my sorority and the fencing club and everything else. But I know she loves it! I always tell her I love/miss her and home, even if I'm having fun at college. Then she tells me about all the mundane things happening at home; local news, what's going on with my two sisters and brother, etc. So, we still stay pretty connected!

[Mo]

I call her every couple of days, and bore her with all sorts of details about my sorority and the fencing club and everything else. But I know she loves it! I always tell her I love/miss her and home, even if I'm having fun at college. Then she tells me about all the mundane things happening at home; local news, what's going on with my two sisters and brother, etc. So, we still stay pretty connected!

You are a good daughter!!!
The Momster

[Empty Wallet]

Mine are much too young to do this, as yet. However, the older one is already talking about going to college in another country. And the younger one always wants to follow what the older one does.

In my family all the kids (5) scattered to various parts of the country or around the world. So, my mother was left without any of us. At least the time was also scattered and she usually had at least one of us there.

The big feeling she has is that her grandchildren are scattered as well. She missed out on all of them when they were babies -- except visiting to help when they were born. Strangely, we live 3000 miles away, but she spent more time with my kids than any of the other who were closer.

It is really hard in these times where we are so mobile.

The comfort, for what it is worth, is that we have successfully done our jobs as parents when the kids get their independence. It can just hurt so badly at times.

[dcmdale]

Yes. Our oldest is leaving for college in two weeks so I understand. I think it is even harder for homeschool families because there is a tighter bond. Ours isn't going across the country (she considered it, but it didn't work out) so we don't have that issue.

[pacer]

My oldest left home for college in '03, got terribly homesick and transferred to a college nearer home. She lived with us for another 1-1/2 years and then got her own apartment (w/ roommate). My son is living at home for his first 2 years of college, and in so doing eased the empty nest syndrome. Nonetheless, I know it is coming and it is hitting me at a time when I don't feel so "young" anymore. But I wouldn't have it any other way. They need to spread their wings and I just hope they have the foundation they need to be good people.

[Phincer]

I think it is even harder for homeschool families because there is a tighter bond. .

Please re-think this statement. The parent-child bond is what you make it, whether your child is homeschooled, boards, goes to public or private school. Whether you have one child or a dozen. I'm going to assume that the above statement didn't come out like it sounded.

On a lighter note-I've had three or four women who have children waaay out of college come up to me (since I'm the first to have the empty nest) and say- "its not as bad as you think its going to be".

So, while I am in deNILE about what happens on the 28th of this month, I have made peace (so far) with the fact that this is what happens when you raise your kids-if you do your job right, they leave the nest. I'll report in as soon as we get back. Buy stock in Kleenex now.

They aren't gone forever, and if you did a really fine job, they'll be back as much as they can.

Hugs, Mo-you'll be okay!

[dcmdale]

Please re-think this statement.

So I have re-thunk it and will try to restate what I meant rather than what might have come across...

Absolutely, the quality of your relationship with your kid(s) can be the same whether in a normal school environment or a homeschooled one. My relationship with my kids hasn't changed just because they are in public school. The nature of the homeschooling beast is that the quantity of time spent with your kids is different. You can't teach them (effectively) without spending time with them.

The statistical average that American parents spend interacting with each of their teenage children is 1.5 hours / week -- including time spent fighting. Obviously, you and any other parent here who is dedicated to their kid's fencing or other sports is putting in a lot more than that. My daughter loves traveling to events with one of us because that means dedicated daddy/mommy time. One of the benefits of investing our time (and money) in our kids is the opportunity of having the stronger relationship that can be built upon having more time with them. If circumstances were different and I had to work 3 jobs to feed my family and "daddy time" was 2-3 hours every other Saturday night it wouldn't mean that I loved my kids less or that I was not as good of a father, but it would unquestionably change the amount of time that I spend with my kids and reduce my involvement in their lives and development. I have no doubt that because you have invested so much in your own kid, you will feel "the hole" in your life more next month than a parent who did not--no matter what the reason they didn't or couldn't.

Like your investment in fencing, homeschool unquestionably is an investment of time and money into your kids. It has to be if you are going to actually be teaching. Even though you aren't necessarily teaching all of the time at the high school level, there is about 7 hours a day that the kids are "around" that wouldn't be the case in public school. Changing that leaves its own hole.

I am not a homeschool bigot. We homeschooled when we thought it in the best interests of our kids and stopped when we felt appropriate. Homeschool has advantages and disadvantages. So does more traditional schooling. It is certainly not right for everybody.

Certainly, I did not intend what I wrote to be a put down of you or other non-homeschool parents on the board and I apologize if it came across that way (or if this message comes across that way).

[Mom2fencrs]

HI MO:

We drive our older to Penn State in mid August. We have homeschooled both of ours all the way through. They have become great young adults. I am very thankful the older one took a gap year after high school and is now more decisive about what he wants to be doing. I have been working on my own "releasing" of our first born...I think this past year of still living at home while working, etc has helped me as much as it has him! Now the PSU coach and the Army ROTC get him! But I would be happy to commiserate with you any time!:-) I have to keep my mind from going there....

[Phincer]

So I have re-thunk it and will try to restate what I meant rather than what might have come across...
... Certainly, I did not intend what I wrote to be a put down of you or other non-homeschool parents on the board and I apologize if it came across that way (or if this message comes across that way).

Thanks- I do appreciate the clarification. Posting leaves off all the voice inflection of a nice conversation.


Now, will ALL parents join in the jaw-dropping moment of the day- (here I go with my old fashioned ideas....)

I got a note today offering me- get THIS- a care package service.

Yes, for a a fee, this service will send my child care packages at certain events during the year- move-in, Halloween, finals, Valentines, what have you-of course I write the personal notes for each occasion this fall, send them in and voila! I don't have to think about sending my child little packages for the rest of the year.

I know I'm an "older" mom and now I'm feeling quite ancient, but don't all parents look forward to being able to send at least one box of cookies to the kid? Even my friends who have careers that boggle the mind have found the time to pack something off to their kids at school-at least the first year.

Pardon me while I go back to my cave drawings.. I was going to say "go put on my saddle shoes and bobby socks", but I really feel old....

[magic_moose]

Ah, but after they go, you can really enjoy it when they are home!

My oldest has just graduated and is home again and my youngest is home for the summer. We four just finished a delightful home dinner consisting of a nice Salade Nicoise with a good bottle of wine.

Lots of laughter, shared stories, jokes, food appreciation, and good conversation.

Just try that with a 2 and 5 year old!

[dcmdale]

I got a note today offering me- get THIS- a care package service.

We got the same note yesterday... I'm afraid it brought out the "Jewish Mother" in me: "What! And I'm not capable of throwing some whatever into a box and mailing it?!?"

[whiteandbluefencer]

Hehe, I remember when my mom got one of those... we both thought it was hilarious! Who would have thought they had such a thing! Do your children's colleges promote a company that sells sheets for dorm beds?!

[magic_moose]

Yep, and the sheets are not very good quality.

[MdA]

Don't worry. When they come home at breaks and in the summer, they bring their friends...you'll have three times as many kids for a few years.

[Phincer]

My oldest has just graduated and is home again and my youngest is home for the summer. We four just finished a delightful home dinner consisting of a nice Salade Nicoise with a good bottle of wine.

Lots of laughter, shared stories, jokes, food appreciation, and good conversation.

Just try that with a 2 and 5 year old!

No kidding! I can honestly say I've enjoyed each stage of my kid's development, but I'm really loving this older kid-we have such a good time with him and he's turned into a really funny guy! I think it just gets better and better. I can't wait to see what a semester/college degree(s) does for him!

Yep, and the sheets are not very good quality.

Yeah, we did do the sheet service-b/c he hates to shop more than I do- and the towels weren't very good, and one set of the sheets were of poorer quality than the other set (which was a really nice set). Both were 100% cotton-I've washed them and that helped, so we'll see how this goes. I just went and got a few extra towels from Stein Mart.

You 'experienced' college parents may know this, but I just found out we can charge the books on our fflyer mileage credit card and they will hold them at the bookstore for the kid. Sweet! Miles!!!

[journalmom]

Yes, for a a fee, this service will send my child care packages at certain events during the year- move-in, Halloween, finals, Valentines, what have you-of course I write the personal notes for each occasion this fall, send them in and voila! I don't have to think about sending my child little packages for the rest of the year.

I think it's brilliant! It's an added insurance just in case you forget to send a care package in time. Of course you'll send yours too and he/she'll be thrilled that you sent TWO packages because you love him/her so much.