Just a Warning...

[whiteandbluefencer]

Can someone tell my mom about this whole "being thrilled about care packages" thing?! I've been at college for two years and only gotten like two of them!

P.S.- I made it back to college safely and the trip wasn't bad at all! Now I just have to get settled in...

[daveappr]

Originally Posted by whiteandbluefencer

Can someone tell my mom about this whole "being thrilled about care packages" thing?! I've been at college for two years and only gotten like two of them!

P.S.- I made it back to college safely and the trip wasn't bad at all! Now I just have to get settled in...

White and Blue best wishes getting settled in- and with the RA thing. My oldest is in his second year- PSU- and while I enjoy his company most of the time- I'mlooking forward to getting back to the routine we had established last year while he was away. (Oh, I do have two more at home). I do remember missing the boy terribly for a few weeks, and the care package companies- well I agree- I can do it myself, but it was nice to give to a relative who didn't feel like packing anything on their own but wanted to be the 'good guy' and send something besides cash in a card. I suspect it wil be different when my girls go off to college as I have different expectations for the boy. Oh well my 2 cents......

[brtech]

Week after next, we drop the 4th of 4 off at Duke.
She will be fine.
Me, I'm not so sure about.
My wife is probably going to take it much better than I.

However, I do have the experience of the previous 3 so:
1. Care packages are a major hit. If you bake cookies, send 'em. Send several dozen: your kid will be the hit of the floor. Every month or so works pretty well. I don't like the services. They are really just fund raisers, and "I give at the office", or more accurately, the bursar's. Homemade is so much better than commercial. Do send one around exam time.

2. Clearly, you are computer literate. Use it. They will text/email/IM with you if you don't overdo it. With my first (Vassar, she is 27 now), we weren't into doing with the kids as much, so the weekly phone call on Sunday night was most of the communication we got. With the middle one (just graduated from Brandeis), we could get an IM or email a couple times a week, sometimes every day. We're now all on Facebook, which weirds the kiddos out a bit, but they deal with it. We did train them: expect a phone call from home every Sunday night around 7. We did get a pretty good long conversation out of it.

3. Books. As you know, textbooks are expensive. Buy used, online. Get the list (they are all on line these days) and buy now.

4. Setup the checking account now. You can set them up so you or they can transfer money electronically. In our family, mom and dad pay the freight for 4 years of tuition, room, board, books and travel home, but the kiddo has to deal with incidentals. They have a savings account that they have used to save for this, and we set them up so they can transfer from their existing savings account to their new checking account. I did this on line last week for the 4th.

4. Sheets. Every college has twin XL beds. The stores are now used to it. You can get twin-XL at Bed bath and beyond, Target, and most department stores. Better quality than the college recommended sources, which are again usually a fund raiser for some organization.

5. More tips on stuff:

• Buy "bed raisers" = a plastic pyramid you put under the bed legs and raises the bed several inches. Under the bed, you put two huge plastic containers that are wide, long and not so high. It's a huge increase in available storage. This assumes they separate the beds, but most do.
• Give 'em a toolbox. Target sells a nice one in a plastic container. Even if they won't use the tools themselves, someone else in the dorm will, but having the tools is unique
• There are special 3M wall hanging things that really work and are dorm room approved (in most places, you can't use nails, tape, or anything else that will mar the wall surface). Wall art makes a big difference.
• Bring one or two 25' grounded extension cords and one or two multiple outlet strips. Dorm room outlets are few and far between
• You DO want to bring an area rug (and a refridge, and a microwave and a floor lamp and probably a desk lamp, although the room mate can bring some of it)
• If they use a desk, bring a good chair. The advent of laptops (yes, they NEED a laptop) has meant that desks are more storage area, and not workspaces, but ymmv
• Get a couple of those cheap white wooden shoe racks that stack. Closet space is precious, and going vertical helps
• Bring a small whiteboard with a marker on a string. They hang it on the outside of the door and their friends leave them notes when they come by
• A swifter thingie is useful if they are the kind of kid who cares about quantities of dust. Some do, some don't
• Most colleges help out move in for freshmen. You arrive and a small army of older kids help you unload your car and shlep it. This offer good for first years only in most places. However, it doesn't work as well unless you have the stuff in fewer larger packages. Buy the big plastic bins on sale now and use them. You have to schlep the empties home (but we bring them back to pack up at the end of the year).

One last bit of advice. When you arrive, the dorm room will not be clean. Some of the guys may be okay, but it grosses out my wife. We bring a bucket, a scrub brush and some heavy duty detergent, and she cleans the room. Walls, floors, closets.

[Slacker]

Kudos to every one of you!
Both my daughters are in college now. The younger was the hardest to let go, but isn't that why we raised them?

The most astounding thing about having them return from college is the curfew thing. (after all, they are grown ups!) Don't wait up for them, you'll only embarrass yourself and be worthless the next day.
Now think about this: [i]what are you going to do with all the time you have [/I]now? Hint- take up fencing! There are a whole bunch of us who learn the sport in later years, or return to it after many years. It's great exercise. You make good friends.

A couple of us empty nesters at the club are going to the Veterans World Cup in France in October. No, we're not fencing, we're going to cheer on the coach who will be representing his country. Then we're touring Paris together, visiting German fencing friends, drinking lots of wine, and hopefully living beyond that empty nest feeling.

[bigdawg2121]

Ditto BR Tech*. Also, feel safe in the knowledge that it's kinda rough on the kids too sometimes, even the ones that take it really well and/or don't seem to call or write . Making it home for 2-3wks a year max isn't really all that pleasant.


*eww on the filthy rooms thing. I can understand some dust, and let's face it dorm mattresses are disgusting (bring a mattress pad or two and rotate), but in general there should be small armies of underpaid students that roam dorms in the summer cleaning rooms, removing tape, and doing the heavy lifting to ensure the beds are the appropriate rung specified by housing.

[Mom2fencrs]

We got the one for the sheets and ordered them as our son is 6" 5". We also got one for a room rug:-) and we said he could buy his own room rug :-) and any other "room accessories" that are not already provided...

When I went to college you just showed up and put away your stuff...

[whiteandbluefencer]

Originally Posted by brtech

[*]There are special 3M wall hanging things that really work and are dorm room approved (in most places, you can't use nails, tape, or anything else that will mar the wall surface). Wall art makes a big difference.

Yeah, Residence Life is very annal about the whole messing the walls up thing.

Originally Posted by brtech

[*]Bring a small whiteboard with a marker on a string. They hang it on the outside of the door and their friends leave them notes when they come by

Yes, the marker board is a must! Last year I would always draw something cute up in the corner using different colors. I love getting messages from my friends too. Not to mention that as an RA it's an important way for residence to communicate with you if they can't find you.

Originally Posted by brtech

[*]You arrive and a small army of older kids help you unload your car and shlep it. This offer good for first years only in most places.

I'll be in that little army on August 23! Yeah, we think it's a nice way to welcome the new students... and hopefully help with an already stressful process.

The only thing I would have to add to brtech's awesome advise is to take as little possible. When you think that you've eliminated everything they don't need... go back through and eliminate some more. Freshman tend to bring way more than they need!

P.S.- This thread is making me excited for freshman move-in!

P.P.S.- Sorry if I'm crashing on the "parents'" thread! I just find this very interesting.

[Phincer]

Loved the above posts!!! Please advise if we are doing the right stuff:

Our plan (in brief) is to fly up with all clothing, bedding, fencing gear in soft luggage. Mom and Dad take carry-ons, kiddo gets the 6 free pieces of luggage (flyin' Southwest!) and we don't care if we have to pay for more. Soft fencing bag will be stuffed with uni and bedding, hard case with the actual weapons, etc.

We fly in, rent a big honkin' old SUV, load that sucker up and then spend the next day at the Target with a massive list for all the heavy stuff-shampoo, laundry detergent, shelving units, hangers, rugs, reams of paper, printer, all that.

We drop off the kiddo, and do the orientation thing, then kiss him adios. BUT we hang around the next day to see if he has decided that he really does need a rug, TV, whatever he's forgotten. We go on a commando raid (the orientation people have them very busy), arrange a drop time with any extras and then boogie (again). If he doesn't need anything we spend the day looking at historical sites in another town.

He's saying no Xbox the first semester-is this a wise decision on his part?

We have made our plans to come back for parent weekend in October. At that point intime we can bring anything he wants from homeand can't live without until Turkeyday.

How does that sound to you kids/experience parents out there? Am I missing anything?

[SEM Fencer]

Originally Posted by Mo

Attention parents....
Although you know it is going to happen, it is supposed to happen, when your kids finally leave home,
IT JUST PLAIN SUCKS!!
It is the worst at dinner time, when they are supposed to come straggling in.

The Momster

And the burning question we fencing parents want to know is, what WILL you do with yourself, your time and your money, now that you aren't going to be immersed in fencing 24/7? Is there some sort of 12-step withdrawal program? I've got a couple years, so I'd like to start preparing...

[BrianH]

With our son, the 'leaving for college' trauma was pretty minor compared to the earlier 'leaving for the Philippines as an exchange student right after Marcos was deposed' trauma. As a 16 year-old he spent a year in a small town crawling with communist guerillas and dripping with tropical diseases. That scared me and I worried every day for the entire year. I had absolutely no problems with him on a U.S. college campus.

[Slacker]

Definitely no XBox. No Guitar Hero (unless you're a music student). There are SO MANY distractions that first semester you don't need to encourage the ol' familiar ones! Do get a lap top if you can. Most schools contact their students by email. DO send mail- it gets lonely.

[Slacker]

Whiteandblue, you're funny- I almost feel like I know you! Have fun in college...don't forget us on f.net!

[pinkelephant]

Don't worry about the empty nest - they come back when they want something - feeding, money, love, money, Christmas, money...

I hated it when number one went to university - the house was far too quiet (number one is the quiet one, but number two had nobody to be noisy with). Then number two went and it was even worse. But we still see them at competitions (when they often need new bits of kit, money...) - which is the advantage of the whole family being actively involved in the sport. You WILL get used to it - really.

[mrbiggs]

Originally Posted by Slacker

Definitely no XBox. No Guitar Hero (unless you're a music student). There are SO MANY distractions that first semester you don't need to encourage the ol' familiar ones!

That's crazy. If an 18 year old college student hasn't yet figured out how to budget their time, they've got a lot more problems than an X-Box.

(Of course, some students learn this the hard way, but it's still a lesson they have to learn.)

[brtech]

Originally Posted by Phincer

Loved the above posts!!! Please advise if we are doing the right stuff:

Our plan (in brief) is to fly up with all clothing, bedding, fencing gear in soft luggage. Mom and Dad take carry-ons, kiddo gets the 6 free pieces of luggage (flyin' Southwest!) and we don't care if we have to pay for more. Soft fencing bag will be stuffed with uni and bedding, hard case with the actual weapons, etc.

Sounds like a plan.

We fly in, rent a big honkin' old SUV, load that sucker up and then spend the next day at the Target with a massive list for all the heavy stuff-shampoo, laundry detergent, shelving units, hangers, rugs, reams of paper, printer, all that.

Sure, assuming this is the day before move in

We drop off the kiddo, and do the orientation thing, then kiss him adios. BUT we hang around the next day to see if he has decided that he really does need a rug, TV, whatever he's forgotten. We go on a commando raid (the orientation people have them very busy), arrange a drop time with any extras and then boogie (again). If he doesn't need anything we spend the day looking at historical sites in another town.

Here I think you have gone astray.

First of all, every college I know of moves in during the morning. This leaves you the afternoon to go get anything you forgot. Around 3 in the afternoon, if they are like ours, they are ready for you to go. It's best to leave then, and don't come back. If they haven't thought of it by then, it won't matter.

He's saying no Xbox the first semester-is this a wise decision on his part?

No Xbox

We have made our plans to come back for parent weekend in October. At that point intime we can bring anything he wants from homeand can't live without until Turkeyday.

Good idea. I recommend it

How does that sound to you kids/experience parents out there? Am I missing anything?

Well, coordinate with the roommate. Someone needs to bring the fridge and the microwave and the rug. Split that up.

[brtech]

Originally Posted by whiteandbluefencer

The only thing I would have to add to brtech's awesome advise is to take as little possible. When you think that you've eliminated everything they don't need... go back through and eliminate some more. Freshman tend to bring way more than they need!

Are you at Penn State? They have the SMALLEST dorms on the planet. Not representative of most other dorms these days. You do have limited space; basically the dresser, the closet, the desk and under the bed. That's it. If it won't fit there, it can't stay. We find that we can pretty much fill up the back of a minivan and have it fit in a dorm room. With two rows of seats out, I can see out the back. With the one row in, fagettaboudit.

[Phincer]

Originally Posted by brtech

Here I think you have gone astray.

First of all, every college I know of moves in during the morning. This leaves you the afternoon to go get anything you forgot. Around 3 in the afternoon, if they are like ours, they are ready for you to go. It's best to leave then, and don't come back. If they haven't thought of it by then, it won't matter.

Would love to do it that way, but we parental units are "scheduled" as well-we drop off at a designated time, park the car, do a luncheon, then there's a meeting or ceremony of sort, a reception on the lawn, then kiss 'em good-bye at 3:17 p.m..

I'd love it if there were coordination between roomies...but they are BOYS. I'm sure this other kid's mother is the same way- what about fridge/microwave/rug? The bare minimum??? The roomie's parents live closer, so I'll let the boys figure it out. Stick a fork in me and call me done.

Although while in college, I didn't have a fridge for years...just stuck drinks in the glacier outside my cave.

[Phincer]

Originally Posted by mrbiggs

That's crazy. If an 18 year old college student hasn't yet figured out how to budget their time, they've got a lot more problems than an X-Box.

(Of course, some students learn this the hard way, but it's still a lesson they have to learn.)

Well, I have to say, mine is pretty good but by no means perfect about the time management issue.

That was something I left off-his time management skills are better than average, so I thought he could handle the xbox and bring it home in December if it was a distraction.

I read a study about three years ago where they studied the brain development in boys from pre-puberty through college. They found out that the parts of the brain that control time management, prioritization, etc. (all those skills that really help in high school and college) don't develop in males until the early twenties, sometimes not until they are 25 years of age.

That explains a whole lot of stuff I've been seeing lately. I also have seen the time management skills improve every six months or so.

There is hope.