Coaches Feedback

[FoilParent]

I was just wondering how much feedback as a parent do you get from your coach?

I'm not talking about to the student.

When at a NAC, does your coach give any feedback to you the parent? I don't care if she/he has made the finals or got knocked out in the round of 128. It would be nice to hear what the coaches are thinking.

Parents don't want to always have to go up to the coach and say "Hows she doing at practice this month, or why do you think she lost at the last competition? Was she just "out-fenced"?

[Empty Wallet]

Our coach is very communicative about the kids -- and expects it to be returned.

He will comment about the kids both in practice and comp, as well as ask our feedback about how the kids are feeling about their fencing, things that they say to us that will help structure coaching, footwork at home, journal keeping, general fitness, fitting in with school and other activities etc.

Implicit is a 3-way relationship in which the fencer, the coach and the parent all have important roles to play. He even askes that we monitor and encourage specific aspects of the kids. If he can't go to a comp, he wants a report separately from the kids and the parents.

It only takes a few minutes and not every week.

EW

[Allen Evans]

If the parents show a willingness to learn something about the sport, and discuss their children's progress from a positive perspective (as opposed to asking: "Why isn't she a "C" yet!?!") I have frank discussions about their children's fencing. Good parents can be powerful allies for a coach.

For all the rest, I usually discuss good restaurants.


Allen Evans

[Phincer]

Parents (even if they've tried the sport and have been actively watching this particular fencer for YEARS) "know nothing of fencing".

[AdamH]

I would love for more parents to speak to a coach for 2 minutes and then bring up anything the coach might have said in a domestic setting later on, especially any happy tit for tats to encourage little Johnny.

Jesting aside; parents, oy. They spend all that time and love into making an autonomous, fit, crafty and intelligent fighter and just at the age when junior is becoming their own person in the wider scheme of things...

How about paying the devious coach for his/her time for post-match analysis? Unless you know the sport, not much you'll get other than 'aye, not bad today.'

[lewis]

Whoa! I knew as a parent that I was treading a very fine line with the coach and that after xteen years and 3 bazillion dollars I still don't know much about fencing but I think I am absolutely entitled to an opinion at the end of the day - it is part of the coaching fee for a tournament - not 15 minutes but 1.5. I believe I am also entitled to a pre season sit down (10 minutes) and a mid season sit down (5 minutes) just by virtue of paying the fees for lessons, membership and classes.

For those coaches who really hate parents I recommend email.

[Allen Evans]

Originally Posted by lewis

Whoa! I knew as a parent that I was treading a very fine line with the coach and that after xteen years and 3 bazillion dollars I still don't know much about fencing but I think I am absolutely entitled to an opinion at the end of the day - it is part of the coaching fee for a tournament - not 15 minutes but 1.5. I believe I am also entitled to a pre season sit down (10 minutes) and a mid season sit down (5 minutes) just by virtue of paying the fees for lessons, membership and classes.

For those coaches who really hate parents I recommend email.

Perfectly correct. Though you aren't owed this explanation because of writing checks, but because you are the parent*, and hopefully are using this information to better understand your child and the sport they are participating in, and not to do a cost analysis of their activiity -- which all too many parents do. (Though I'm not accusing you of being guilty of this, mind you).

You'll have to understand, however, that coaches tread on this sort of discussion very carefully until they know what the parent is going to do with the information they are given. I've inadvertantly let slip some trivial piece of information ("Her lunge could have been a little earlier and faster in the second bout") and found that the parent later demanded 100 lunges every day from their child** until they "improved".

When I read some of the posts on this forum, I'm often struck by the poor communication that occurs between all three groups: parents, children, and coaches. For every story I hear about a dictatorial coach lording over a helpless parent, I can tell one from the coach's perspective which doesn't paint a parent in a particularly good light. I can only imagine the stories the young athletes might tell, caught in the middle and rarely heard from.

But just like fencing, or chess, or brain surgery, good communication is a skill, and not everyone -- parent or coach -- is good at it.

AE

*If more parents undersood this, it would make a coaches job a lot easier sometimes.

**This is not a story about any of my current students, but one from many years ago.

[seak]

Ok, I'm confused. While I didn't start fencing till college over the years prior to college I competed in, Softball/Baseball, soccer, x-country, track, swimming and basketball. None of the many assorted coaches sat down and talked to my parents. Nor, did my parents think anything of it, same with the other parents. I am sort of confused as to why this seems to be different in fencing.*

Heck, when I was in High School, I would've probably been embarrassed if it happened (whole teenage thing).

*of course if you're trying to make a world team, or getting offered scholarships etc, then talking should happen

[Phincer]

Originally Posted by seak

Ok, I'm confused. While I didn't start fencing till college over the years prior to college I competed in, Softball/Baseball, soccer, x-country, track, swimming and basketball. None of the many assorted coaches sat down and talked to my parents. Nor, did my parents think anything of it, same with the other parents. I am sort of confused as to why this seems to be different in fencing.

I would think that in other sports, your coach was there watching the team at all times. They pretty much have a handle on things b/c they watch each individual. And I've seen parents take time off to come sit and watch wimming, soccer, football practice-its quite the occasion-lawn chairs, coolers, umbrellas, etc. And lots of Monday a.m. quarterbacking.

Not so in fencing. At a NAC or any other large tournament, the coach must make a decision on which fencer to spend the most time with. The interested parent will be at just about every single bout.

Sure, there are some wack-o parents out there that run from one extreme to the other. The 100-lunge parents and then there are the ones that dump their kids at fencing and on the coach and couldn't tell a lunge from a fleche.

For some of us parents of a certain age, we were virtually ignored by our parents, and we've come to appreciate we only have our children for a very short time. Too involved? Maybe. Maybe not. Time will tell.

I know that at 83 years of age my mom is regretting not spending more time with us when we were younger. She sees how close we are with our kid and all that we do together as a family in fencing and wishes she had been more encouraging and involved as a parent.

[jessicasimpson]

Coaches feedback to parents should be limited to:
"You still owe me money for last month."

[oso97]

Originally Posted by FoilParent

I was just wondering how much feedback as a parent do you get from your coach?

I'm not talking about to the student.

When at a NAC, does your coach give any feedback to you the parent? I don't care if she/he has made the finals or got knocked out in the round of 128. It would be nice to hear what the coaches are thinking.

Parents don't want to always have to go up to the coach and say "Hows she doing at practice this month, or why do you think she lost at the last competition? Was she just "out-fenced"?

Do you have the background to understand the answer?

Yes, of course, coaches should talk to the parents of youth that they coach. There should be an open line of dialog and communication at all times. But also, parents should not tell the coach how to coach, just like the coach should not tell the parent how to parent. The coach sees a very different side of the kid than the parent does and interacts with him in a very different manner.

Also consider that coaches time can be very limited, and it may be very difficult to take time during the middle of practice for such discussions. If you want to know more, then make it easy for the coach to talk to you. Come early or stay late, and do so on a regular basis, and open up lines of communication.

[Allen Evans]

Originally Posted by oso97

Come early or stay late, and do so on a regular basis, and open up lines of communication.

An email to the coach also works.

[aamct2]

We're trying something new for our club. We're having a reception after our club tournament. The main driving factor was that parents really wanted to talk to us last time, but during the tournament itself we were booked. This should give us an opportunity to really interact with the parents.

We're a collegiate club, so most parents live quite a ways away. It wouldn't make sense to ask them to come in before or after practice. But they'll make the long drive to see an end-of-term tournament.