A preemptive post.
The place is Santa Cruz and the Boardwalk PCS this past weekend. The weather was for some excellent, 80 degrees and not much wind. Surfers suffered with no waves and fencers almost died of heat prostration. My wife tired of shoveling snow off her roof came down for the weekend. Before hand, saturday, I weighed myself on a convenient scales there at UCSC field house before the veterans epee event (201lbs) and afterwards (194). The difference was all water. Truthfully it didn't go as well as I wished (8th place) at an A1 event. But the second day's open held out the promise of being an A4 event(curse all of you (10)) no shows.
But if you aren't planning on winning you really oughtn't be an epeeist So... sunday
Pools were so-so and I came out seeded 18th. Have I mentioned that a third of the entries were A's? Santa Cruz is as far north as many of the LA/San Diego crowd can be bothered to go. No Fear and LAIC were well represented and almost all of their crowd are A's. So now we begin the tale. I figured at 18 seed and with my luck I was going to get some hot youngster who had stalled down in the pools, as we all have done, but I never expected one of those ugly do or die, what did I do to deserve this sort of things. Allow me to say that you know you're in trouble when the director gently corrects your opponent on some minor matter and calls him "sweetie". Turning to me she commented that she really shouldn't have called him that but I could understand. My opponent, Mr. Nathaniel Schwab, was definitely the most attractive male in the entire event with tons of curly brown hair the like of which my bald pate has never known. The only thing that kept the ladies from swooning over him, and may I say that UCSC abounds in beautiful young coeds of which we had a share, was his age, 13, and the fact that his mother was standing close by to keep them at bay. And hence my quandary. From the sidelines my salle mates are watching and making snide remarks about child abuse. He is barely more than half my height and I'm not that tall. If I beat him badly those remarks will grow. If I lose to him I might as well quit the game. So the call to fence is made. Damn, he sneaks up and pokes me, taking the first touch. Ok that's it, we'll have NO MORE OF THAT THERE HERE. Problem #1 is that I wear bi-focals and when he gets that close he's out of focus visually. So I make my choice, arm at full extension, lunge. That's it. Treat it like I was trying to make a toe touch and get him on the shoulder. It takes 2 periods but I finish 15:2 to my advantage. But I wonder about advantage when I figure that he's 1/5 my age and will be getting into his prime just about when I finally reach that other stage. I shall only comment that my second DE made up for the first in terms of effort. Mr. Hannah and I had a most excellent bout see-sawing back and forth with my playing catch up at the end. Down 13-11 I brought it back to 14:14 for a finale where he got lucky.
Truthfully I was most proud of my one fleche that even my salle mate Keith Lichten acknowledged as being beautiful.
Which brings us to the title of this piece of how Alex Mummery got in my knickers. It's over with and I'm sopping wet. I did mention the amount of water I had sweated the day before? Well the second day was at least as much. I was just about to go change when Alex comes up and asks if I would do her a BIG BIG favor and lend her my knickers. She has arrived at the venue only to discover she's left hers at home. As an aside, for once I must agree with Paul Soter when he commented that getting the fencer to the tournament with all their equipment is half the equation for winning. I'm really wavering. Alex is a fine friend and all. But even sopping wet these are my best tournament knickers and I'm not sure how I feel about having any young woman... you know what I mean. But then i remember that I did bring my second best pair long just in case and so Cathy, my wife, is sent off to the car to retrieve them for Alex. And that is the real and true story of how Alex Mummery got into my knickers. Any other versions are simply.... not true. Well there may have been some squirming and tugging that has no bearing whatsoever.
Now I learn that Alex took #1 in the women's epee and my salle mate Keith Lichten took #1 in the men's epee. So all's well that ends well - I think. But where would she have been without my knickers?
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