Dear Fencergrl

[Go? Fencing?]

Dear Fencergrl,
Hi Cupcake!
I have Latin homework that I have to do.
Generally I like Latin, but not homework.
I've been having trouble motivating myself to do it.
Especially when I'd much rather sleep.
I find myself doing anything to avoid it, like going on the computer for hours.
Cause the internet makes everything better.
But I'll get a bad grade if I don't do the work.
And we don't want bad grades, no.
How should I make myself do the work?
Without having anyone actually kicking my butt to do it.
Lazy Latin Lover
Your Snookums

[academe]

Dear Fencergrl,

I was turned down by my girlfriend when I asked her to marry me, what do I do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQEKgm1yi4M

Signed,

So Embarrased

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by matt9476

Dear Fencergrl,

The f.net community, one girl in particular, has the idea that I am some sort of internet pimp. How can I shed this image, since nobody wants to believe that I am no such thing?

Misunderstood in Buffalo

Dear Misunderstood,

Sell the girl to a pimp on another sporting website and the problem is solved. No one else would dare to tell you to your face that you're a pimp.

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by Rabid Monk

Actually....

I an aquaintance of mine is Native American.
He owns and rides an antique Indian motorcycle.

His pickup-line is "Hey! Wanna ride an Indian?".

Appearantly, it actually works pretty decently.

You see... proof that I offer good advice. Sure he's a fellow Canadian and he's from a part of Canada where this time of year his brain is half-frozen... and he's likely to be a habitual liar (which most Canadians are, which is one of the many reasons why they should never be trusted).

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by Go? Fencing?

Dear Fencergrl,
I have Latin homework that I have to do.

Dearest Lazy,
Kisses and love snookums!
Here's motivation for you.
If you become lazy, soon the only guys you'll attract will be lazy ones.
But I would always love you

Such as this one

Originally Posted by App13

Huh?

This fellow was too lazy to translate my advice..... and will now pay dearly for it.

Think of Latin as a rare Vulcan language, one that is useless in everyday life, but will serve you well, in a room full of geeks. The really cool thing about this rare Vulcan language is that unlike regular Vulcan this one will enable you to pass your test.

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by academe

Dear Fencergrl,

I was turned down by my girlfriend when I asked her to marry me, what do I do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQEKgm1yi4M

Signed,

So Embarrased

Dear Embarrassed,

Not only did your girl turn you down but she ran.

Were you distracted by hot nuts the entire time you were dating??? This might be why you didn't notice the signs and could have saved yourself public ridicule. Not much to do but become an Internet pimp.

[Go? Fencing?]

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

Think of Latin as a rare Vulcan language, one that is useless in everyday life, but will serve you well, in a room full of geeks. The really cool thing about this rare Vulcan language is that unlike regular Vulcan this one will enable you to pass your test.

But I've never studied Vulcan, only Klingon!
Though at least I think my Latin is a little better than my Klingon... Anyway, just got back from Latin class, we got quizzes back, I got a D+ on a curve where an 85 was an A+. So not good. *dies a slow lingering Latin death*

[Fencergrl]

Sorry to hear about your test results snookums.
Geek Speak:
Klingon to a geek is like English to the rest of us.
Vulcan is like French, and rare Vulcan is like Latin.
How's that for covering my tracks?
You are the type of girl that never settles for the ordinary. So you might as well be extraordinary at Latin.

[Got_Fenced_In]

Originally Posted by academe

Dear Fencergrl,

I was turned down by my girlfriend when I asked her to marry me, what do I do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQEKgm1yi4M

Signed,

So Embarrased

My brother was AT that game

How crazy.

Any one read lips?

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by Got_Fenced_In

My brother was AT that game

How crazy.

Any one read lips?

Cornflower does.... you see I really am wise.
I doubt if it's clear enough for her to catch most of it.... besides she's a Canadian and likely to just make stuff up. You can't trust them ya know eh?

[Sword Hobbit]

dear FG,
I'm "in love" how can I revers this status?

~Stupid Hobbit~

[Fencergrl]

Dear Stupid,

This depends entirely on the type of "love" you speak of, as to whether it will reverse itself.

First 6 months:
Do not give the keys to your place, have the object of your desires move in, or do anything that will seal the relationship as anything more permanent. Do this for at least 6 months.

Once all the crazy chemicals subside in your head (you'll know this has occurred when you begin to notice flaws in your chosen cuddle muffin). You will notice one of two things:

1) The love you feel right now, has just reversed it's self and you know have "Coyote Arm*".

2) You recognized the flaws in this person, but still want to be with them anyway... and you don't offend them either. At this point you wait another 4-5 years.

After 6 months have past kind of love:
You wait, you do stuff. You try and not make things too permanent.

After 4-5 years if you still like this person and consider them your very best friend. If you laugh way more than you ever fight.... then there's no reversal of this love. Getting rid of the person won't change it, they'll always be residue of them around you, so accept the fate and enjoy the ride.

If this is not the case, it is time to find someone who you feel this way about. Don't you think??? Afterall, you're just treading water in the relationship, aren't you? Life isn't about things being "just okay". Suck it up, you're a big kid now. Do both of you a favour and move along.

*Coyote Arm is when you gnaw your own arm off in order to dislodge it from the snuggle you are in when you wake up to find yourself either a) sober b) the 6 month bliss has just ended c) all of the above. You have the strong urge to be far, far away.

[glowstix]

my dear FG,

i find the SK women i've met are actually agressive, but yet very indecisive and commitment phobic; they say they like the glowbug, then do a bait and switch..since you're the expert on canadian women, how can i "fix" them??

[Fencergrl]

Dear Glow,

You glow, so Sask women are attracted to anything that looks warm. It's winter and they're looking for a means to warm their frozen bodies.... if that doesn't make you aggressive I don't know what would!

Since there is only winter and then 2 weeks of bug season out thata way, waiting for spring is likely to come and go without much change.

I suggest you move somewhere that if the cold northerns start blowing, you have warm cougar fur to keep ya warm.

[pokey]

Dear FG,

I spend far too much time at work lurking on internet message boards. Recently, I came across a message thread where someone offers free advice. It sounds like a pretty good deal, I mean, who doesn't need advice right? And the price is certainly right. There's so many questions I could ask! Like how to focus at work instead of surfing message boards. Or at least, better yet, convince my masters that that is indeed what they *should* be paying me for.

The only thing that makes me wary about this sounds-too-good-to-be-true offer is that the advice giver is a self-declared cougar and, between you and me, I think has an obsession for hot nuts.

How can I tell if this generous offer for advice is for real, or just a ruse to flush out the next cougar victim?

I have more questions, but I'll get to them later. I need to give this Nigerian minister my bank details to help him transfer some money out of the country.

Signed,
About to be rich

[Fencergrl]

Dearest, About to be Rich

You're right about "too good to be true" deals on the Internet. That's why you should come to my place for advice in person. I hear you have hot glazed nuts.

[parrythis]

Dear FG,

I admit it. I am a Trekkie. I just heard that the release date for the new movie has been delayed. How can I deal with this crushing disappointment?

Yeoman Rand's Love Slave

[needle]

Dear FG,

I've put new screws on my tip, and just can't be sure that I weight-test it enough.
I like my weapon to be in working order, and always ready, and therefore feel this constant need to make sure frequently that it will pass the weight-test of any shape and size (I've seen some really strange-looking ones, that I was actually quite aftraid to put on my weapon).

Any advice?

South-Western-Ukrainian with a large bag of screws