Dear Fencergrl

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by glowstix

my dear FG

the drivers here are driving me crazy!! the crap they do is just ridiculous (don't get me started).

any ideas (that doesn't involve cougars, ) on how i can NOT let it ruin my days??

conservative defensive driver glowbug

Dear CDDGB,

When I feel that way (ie. when I'm not the one speeding and cutting you off) I remind myself that it's just not worth getting your glowballs in a knot. They're endangering their own lives as well as others, there's no point in having them cause undue stress in your body as well... so take a deep breath and relax. Enjoy the scenery... you don't want to miss one all those wheat bails on your drive do you (or this time of the year snow drifts)???

Alternatively, take up music. Then you can hum the notes CDDGB... I have no idea if the tune is pleasant, but it would be relevant to your chosen name for this letter. And perhaps that would amuse you enough that you'll forget about being annoyed by the drivers.

[jBirch]

Dear FG,

Following your previous advice, I (and a number of my students) beat myself with an epee. Sadly, I didn't feel anything and the experience was anything but traumatic.

Any other suggestions as to what I should use to beat myself with?

James.

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by jBirch

Dear FG,

Following your previous advice, I (and a number of my students) beat myself with an epee. Sadly, I didn't feel anything and the experience was anything but traumatic.

Any other suggestions as to what I should use to beat myself with?

James.

James,

It appears beatings have offered no relief from your need to get involved in Right of Way discussions. Since specifically fencing ROW discussions have been unhealthy... and quite frankly when aren't they? You need to begin using the following guidelines:

1) Discussions about a parcel of land that refers to the land having a right. Such as an easement, footpaths, or road. So discussions about shoveling your sidewalk... permitted.

2) A strip of land granted for a rail line, highway, or other transportation facility.... discuss away into the wee hours if you desire!

3) Conversations with Inq... not permitted as it will lead to fencing ROW arguments.

4) Priority/right of way, in traffic.... permitted if we are talking about cars, pedestrians cyclists, horseback riders, motorized vehicles etc... but not fencing in the street.... stop it James... you're thinking about right of way of two foil/ sabre fencers at a 4-way stop. Resist the urge to discuss this. Are you back under control??? To continue...

5) Discussions pertaining to International regulations for preventing collisions at sea... are allowed. Quit thinking about fencing in the street.

6) Naturally discussions regarding visual flight rules, for aircraft are permitted.

However, if any of these discussions happen to involve epees, sabres or foils, I suggest you should look at your watch and say "Oh my! look at the time! I have an appointment to shave the cat in 15 minutes!


I hope this helps, James.

[PeterGustafsson]

Hi!

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

Dear CDDGB,

Alternatively, take up music. Then you can hum the notes CDDGB... I have no idea if the tune is pleasant, but it would be relevant to your chosen name for this letter.

I just went to check on my piano, and yes - that short piece could be used to make a leitmotif!


Have a nice time!

Peter Gustafsson

[Capt. Slo-mo]

Dear Fencergrl:

I've got a pork roast on the smoker. How long should I heat my meat?

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by Capt. Slo-mo

Dear Fencergrl:

I've got a pork roast on the smoker. How long should I heat my meat?

Well done! There's nothing nicer than a smokin' hot piece of meat.

Don't forget to go for seconds. Often you're so hungry with the first, it's hard not to rush. The second time allows you to savour the experience a little more and explore some of the subtleties you missed the first time around.

[Nolano]

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

However, if any of these discussions happen to involve epees, sabres or foils, I suggest you should look at your watch and say "Oh my! look at the time! I have an appointment to shave the cat in 15 minutes!

Dear Fencergrl,

Why would a discussion about right of way have anything to do with an epee?

[Fencergrl]

This one does. Better to be safe than sorry.

[Empty Wallet]

Dear FG

On the televisual news medium the other evening was a story of cattle running around Torronto. I was guessing it was some strange Canadian sporting activity, but the newsreader said that they had escaped on the way to the abattoir.

Anyway, I was wondering whether all the white stuff they were running around in, and soiling, as some of the stolen Scandinavian snow reported missing ealier. What is the story?

EW

[Fencergrl]

Dear EW,

You are right on both accounts. It is a Canadian sporting activity and how Toronto got it's name. Early Spanish explorers started the sport in the area, chasing bulls. They were simple folk and called the town "Toro". The French settlers wanted to be included (as they want half of anything Ontario has, even if it's bull). So the Spanish added "et tu". Now the English said... "Hang on, we're in charge here... and did what they do best which is butcher the French language. So "et tu" became "n'to". Hence... Toro-n-to, means "you're in a place amongst a lot of bull". Which makes you wonder why Parliament isn't there.

Well early Canadians thought the Parliament should be in "the place of a lot of bull" but the Torontians wouldn't have it. They found a place (where they hoped it would flood and wash away these scoundrels) and said to the politicians "Wouldn't you like nice waterfront properties? You deserve that! We'll trade you. Instead of setting up house here why don't you go over there. *Imagine someone with a finger in the air in Ottawa's direction... I know hard but work with me.

Now the English's talent for butchering French is only surpassed by their ability to butcher Indian languages. Their new home was called "Adàwe" which is an Algonquin word meaning "to trade". Yup... somehow (and this is where the talent of the English for picking up languages comes in) "Adàwe" became "Ottawa". The Algonquins, just rolled their eyes, and said "sure, that's close enough... just clean-up after yourselves okay?"

As for the snow... again you are right as indicated in one of my earlier posts. They stole it to cover up the smell of bull that gets pretty thick out that way at times.

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

As for the snow.... Toronto stole it. Feel free to bomb them if necessary to get it back. Out West, the only snow we have is the pink kind you get in the street when the cherry blossoms fall from the trees. So I can assure you not all of Canada is responsible... only Toronto. So it's about time they've felt your Finnish wrath at their snow-stealing ways.

I hope this gives you some insight into our rich heritage, and the importance of a good shovel.

[parrythis]

Dear Fencergrl,

My wife claims that I don't listen to her. I claim that she tells me the important stuff when I am sleeping..., or watching TV..., or eating.., or surfing the internet for porn..., or trying to ignore the annoying buzzing in my ears..., or am otherwise pre-occupied.

How can I convincer her that I really am listening to her? (at least when I am looking right at her and not doing anything else at the time)

Signed,
Out of the Loop

[Fencergrl]

Dear Loopy,

To fully understand your query, I ran your post through a translator. Here's what I got:

"Often when I'm sleeping, eating, watching TV or porn I hear this buzzing in my ear. How can I fool my wife into thinking I'm listening to her so she leaves me alone."

It is obvious this buzzing is annoying you and affecting the enjoyment of your porn surfing. Pretending you're listening will arouse her suspicions that you weren't, so she'll insist on a "pop quiz". Men seldom do well in these situations... so don't set yourself up for this.

The best strategy is to fake that you're going deaf. Disabled people have the sweet life... good parking, government grants, assistants, cool gadgets, discounts, you never get handed the check in restaurants... It's time you got in on this action. If you also fake paralysis, she'll also wait on you hand and foot.

[Gav]

Dear Fencrgrl,

Why do so many US fencers appear to be involved with these bizarre cultural phenomena known as "Ren' fairs"? They don't appear to have anything to do with either the Renaissance period or Fencing.

I am confused.

Hugs and Kisses.

G

[seak]

They have good beer, and one can wear silly costumes

[Nicksmom]

Dear FG:

I have been having a major problem with blood sugar. Normal blood suagr should be 110-70. Mine has been dropping. Last night I woke up and it was 32. My doctor has instructed me to: not consume any refined sugar, not consume any white flour, and to drink 200 calorie protien shakes ever 1-2 hours while awake and to set an alarm and get up 2-3 times a night. What do you think?

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by Nicksmom

Dear FG:

I have been having a major problem with blood sugar. Normal blood suagr should be 110-70. Mine has been dropping. Last night I woke up and it was 32. My doctor has instructed me to: not consume any refined sugar, not consume any white flour, and to drink 200 calorie protien shakes ever 1-2 hours while awake and to set an alarm and get up 2-3 times a night. What do you think?

Dear Sugar Mama,

Sounds like you and your doctor have this under control. Having gone through something similar, I know what it's like. I would have dreams my blood sugar was low and I was passing out... sure enough when I woke up...

I too have had to keep emergency food rations by my bed, in my car, on my person... I'm grateful those days are over. For me, it was my thyroid crapping out on me. Getting on a synthetic hormone made my body/life normal once again. Best of luck with getting this sorted out.

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by Gav

Dear Fencrgrl,

Why do so many US fencers appear to be involved with these bizarre cultural phenomena known as "Ren' fairs"? They don't appear to have anything to do with either the Renaissance period or Fencing.

I am confused.

Hugs and Kisses.

G

Dear WUTK, (what's under that kilt)

Let me get this straight.... as a Scot you're asking why people would want to dress funny and then drink lots of beer????

Dig deep inside for that answer my friend.

[D'Art]

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

Let me get this straight.... as a Scot you're asking why people would want to dress funny and then drink lots of beer????

Dear FG,

I have a Canadian friend who seems to be getting confused about cause and effect.....



Sober and conservatively dressed.

[Gav]

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

Dear WUTK, (what's under that kilt)

Let me get this straight.... as a Scot you're asking why people would want to dress funny and then drink lots of beer????

Dig deep inside for that answer my friend.

Dear Fencergrl,

I am disappointed that you have felt the need to mock my national dress.

I retract the offer of hugs and kisses.

G