In the Garden of Rocks and Vomit

[George Washington]

All your weaselhood
are now belong to us.

Moonitic,

I'm sad to see that you have lowered yourself to calling me uneducated. Grasping for straws and scraping the bottom of the barrel.

I was not refering to any famous people or name origins. I'm simply making a call on modern stereotypes and how they are applied. Your objection is irrelevent.

I'm sure that we could find many upstanding citizens named Adolf, but that wouldn't change perceptions of the name or erase the holocaust.

[George Washington]

All your misguidedness
Are now belong to us.

Then just consider my contribution to be of a helpful nature. If the author was unaware of the racial conotations of his chosen name, then he should consider himself to have been warned.

That sort of thing should not be tolerated here or anywhere for that matter. Please respect the sensitivity of others.

[Moonitic]

"Maybe he's got something there," Lady Moon thought. "I mean, there's not much else we can do at this point. And I really don't want to go through another round of 'sign its'...But what am I saying? It's a rock! It's Meekal's rock, for pity's sake."

"Ugh!" she said out loud.

"Keep it quiet over there," one of the goons demanded. From his position, he shot Lady Moon a nasty glare.

Through clenched teeth, Moon muttered a quiet, "If I get out of this, I'm going to kill someone."

[SteveMcDonough]

My sister's dog's nickname's Rufus.

The dude in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey was Rufus.

A local Builder's yard is called Roofs R Us. (it was close).

My name is not Rufus.

[Moonitic]

Steve,

Bill & Ted's Rufus rocked, too! George Carlin, babe.

[SteveMcDonough]

Moon!
Rufus was just the dude. I mean, he wears shades, has a bad jacket with jeans and he gave them both Steinberger guitars in Bogus.

Not sure on the babe front, though. I prefer the "Babes from England" (esp the keybord player).

Steve.

[Willow]

Ah, yes...Bill & Ted.....EXCELLENT!

<playing Guitar rift>

[Lord Tellurine]

"Well?" whispered Meekal the Daft from his side of the stalagmite.

"Well what?" whispered back Moon.

"Rufus wants to know if you're going to use his idea."

"Yes," she said back. "I haven't figured out an angle yet."

"Rufus says that the goons seemed pretty interested in getting paid."

"That's true," agreed Moon.

"He said that he doubts Lord Tellurine has the means or the inclination to pay them."

"Maybe we should point that out to the goons..."

"Rufus says..."

"Okay, Meekal, Rufus is beginning to get a little overbearing."

Meekal was a silent for a moment and then said, "That's Rufus for you."

Lady Moon gathered up her courage and then called out, "Oh, boys! Could you come over here for a minute?"

"Whatdaya want?" one of them said as the two goons lumbered over.

Lady Moon smiled up at them. They had fists the size of her head. This better work she thought. "Boys," she said with a sweet smile, "my friend and I were just wondering how much of the treasure Lord Tellurine was going to give you two."

The two goons gave her a surprised look and then looked at each other. One of them turned back to her and asked, "What treasure?"

Lady Moon gave them a look of fake surprise. "Why the treasure WE came to get. It's just too bad Lord Tellurine got here before us. I bet he stashed it away."

The smarter of the two goons said, "I thought he said this was a... a... trap for you guys and that there was no treasure."

Lady Moon gave them a condescending smile. "Of course there was treasure. It was Muu treasure. And do you know who's tied up on the other side of this rock?"

"Uh, some stupid twit that talks to rocks?"

Moon laughed gracefully. "Well, besides that." She didn't didn't get an answer. "He's a prince of Muu. He's Prince Meekal the Daft. He's here to get the treasure HIS family hid here. Now don't you think he'd know if there was treasure here?"

Meekal took his cue. "And of course, there is."

"You see," smiled Moon.

"Well I'll be daft," said one of the goons hearing this revelation.

"No," corrected Meekal, "I will."

The smarter of the goons turned to the other one. "That Lord Tellurine tricked us! He said there was no treasure, but there is! Let's go talk to him!"

The other said, "Let's talk to him with our fists." They clomped there way across the room and out into the tunnel. Soon the echos of their disatisfaction were far away.

"Good job," congratulated Meekal.

"We're not out of the woods yet," said Lady Moon, positioning herself so she could start rubbing her ropes against the stalagmite.

"Or out of our ropes," added Meekal.

"No," mumbled Moon, "but at least one of us is out of their mind."

[ 08-08-2001: Message edited by: Lord Tellurine ]

[DamedEscrime]

Quite an enjoyable exchange, Lord T.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Moonitic]

The ropes wouldn't budge. As much as Lady Moon tried, the rock did not even make the smallest tear. Maybe Tellurine was smarter than she thought. Perhaps this time, he planned well. "Naw..."

"Uh...Moon?"

She sighed. "Yes, Meekal?"

"We're not free yet."

"No, Meekal." She went back to struggling, to no avail.

"Uh...Moon?" Meekal's voice came again after a moment.

"What?"

"I hear voices. They sound mad." Meekal offered weakly.

Lady Moon strained to listen. Sure enough, the hefty lumbering of footsteps & the grunting tone of three different male voices came. "This is not good..."

[Lord Tellurine]

The first voice Lady Moon could distinguish was that of Lord Tellurine. He was not happy. She heard he say, "I can't believe you dunderheads left the prisoners alone! Don't you know that the minute they're left alone they try to escape? I didn't hire you two so that they could escape!"

"But, boss!" said another voices.

"Don't 'but' me! The first mistake I made was hiring you two idiots! The second mistake was leaving you two alone with the prisoners so they could fill your empty brains with ideas of treasure that just aren't true!" The three of them entered the cave.

"The third mistake you made," interjected Meekal in a loud, confidant voice, "was leaving us alone! For during your absence we have managed to rid ourselves of these ropes!"

"No, we haven't, Meekal," corrected Moon.

Meekal tugged at the ropes, as if to stand, but was unsuccessful. He smiled weakly at Lord Tellurine. "Uh... Nevermind."

Lord Tellurine rolled his eyes. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

[Moonitic]

Lady Moon leaned her head back on the stalagmite. In a very tired, somewhat defeated voice, she said, "You and me both..."

[Lord Tellurine]

Lady Moon of the Quill and Meekal the Daft had fallen into a uncomfortable sleep. They were both propped up on opposite sides of a stalagmite in a cave, tied securely to it until such time as the both of them signed a marriage license joining their kingdoms (Schoolcraftia and Muu respectively)so that terrible war could be waged against the peaceful kingdom of Arconia.

The mastermind of this most vile plot was Lord Tellurine, an unscrupulous noble from Muu who was trying to gain favor with the King of Muu. He had fallen asleep on the cave floor near the cave entrance. Near him were two men, who were built like oxen, but smelled worse, hired by Tellurine to do any of the dirty work required. They had been ordered to stay awake and watch the prisoners. They were both asleep.

Lady Moon was jarred awake by someone. She opened her eyes. It was her friend, a pregnant sorceress in training, named Willow. "Willow!" she whispered with glee.

Willow smiled down at her. "You have to be quiet. Tellurine and his goons are asleep." Willow started loosening the ropes around her friend. Answering an obvious question she said, "Meekal's friend, Kliff, showed us the back entrance." She struggled with the ropes.

Suddenly someone appeared behind Willow. It was Queen Zelda. "What's taking so long?" she whispered.

"My Queen!" said a quietly startled Moon. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm rescuing you," she said proudly.

"No one's rescuing anyone until we get these ropes untied," argued Willow.

"Use my knife," said someone else and a man entered Moon's eyesight.

Moona asked, "Who's that?"

Willow smiled. "My husband-to-be. The father of my child. My hero." She saw the confusion in Moon's eyes. "Long story." She took his knife and started carving the thick ropes. "This is gonna take awhile," she said to him.

"How long?" asked Queen Zelda.

"Long enough for us to get caught if we don't hurry."

"My troops are still just outside. I could order them in."

Willow replied, "No.. It could get too messy. Who knows what traps Lord Tellurine has set."

"Yeah," agreed Moon. "We don't want him to set off his explosives and get us all trapped in here again."

Willow and Zelda both asked, "What?"

"Sorry," apologized Moon. "It was just a bad dream."

Suddenly the not-so-great-wizard Oddeldoodle joined the group. He asked, "Willow, do you not know the untying spell? It is very simple. Allow me-"

"No!" said everyone as quietly and as forcefully as they could.

One of the goons snorted in his sleep. Everyone froze.

A moment later Willow began cutting deeper into the ropes and Moon asked, "What is Oddeldoodle doing here?"

"Delivering your results," she said to Moon raising an eyebrow.

"Oh. Right." Moon smiled weakly. "Turned out to be that guy, didn't it?" she asked motioning her head towards Nicholas. Willow nodded. "Told you AFTER you found out it was him, didn't he?" Willow nodded again. "That's a bill I'm refusing to pay."

The rope had been successfully cut and Willow pulled them off of he friend. Lady Moon stood for the first time in a long while and she found that her knees were not ready for it. Nicholas grabbed her and helped her to steady herself. Moon complimented Willow, "Good catch." She motioned to the other side of the stalagmite. "Wake up, Meekal."

Willow walked to the other side of the stalagmite and gently shook Meekal. "Wake up," she said, poking his shoulder.

Meekal awoke. He whispered, "What are you doing here?"

"Saving you. I've cut the ropes. Let's go."

"Okay," he said. "Just let me grab my stones." He began looking around the stalagmite. "Where are they?"

"C'mon, Meekal," said Moon. "Let's get out of here!"

"I can't find Nigel! Or Margaret! Or Rufus! Or Derek!"

"Meekal!" she said rolling her eyes.

"I'm not leaving without my stones!" his said without whispering.

"Yes, you are!" said back Moon in a voice a little louder than his.

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"Moon!" whispered Willow urgently. "Keep it down!"

"What's the hold up?" asked Zelda.

"What's his problem?" asked Nicholas.

"May I be of assistance?" asked Oddledoodle.

"I want my stones!" cried out Meekal.

"Looking for these?" came the oily voice of Lord Tellurine. They all looked over and there he stood. There was a sack in his hand and an evil grin on his face.

[ 08-10-2001: Message edited by: Lord Tellurine ]

[Moonitic]

"Can't I kill him myself? PLEASE?" Lady Moon stated.

[Zelda]

"Nope, I'm the Queen, I get first Dibs..."

[Willow]

"I would love to have first dibs on this guy, myself," said Willow, "Drat it! I wish I could make myself puke on command. Tellurine, if anyone deserves to be thrown up on, it's you."

[arcon]

Arcon had Zelda followed. He couldnt just let her run off on this mission and not keep a watchful eye.
The Arconian Secret Service had done their job. Angel had reported to him that a plot concieved by fencingsuck bandits had been discovered. Their intentions were to keep Zelda from reaching Moon and Meekel, kidnap Zelda and trade her for the King of Arconia, Arcon.

Arcon rode for two nites into the north county of Arconia.......he was going on mere instict that he could locate Swordsman and Latenight ....they could be hunting almost anywhere in the region. It was a stroke of luck that on the second nite he spotted their evening campfire.

"latenight!" shouted Arcon as he walked up behind latenight leaning over a bowl of stew. "DAMN", what tha? ," my king you scared the ----- out of me".
"Its good to see you my lord but what are you doing here?" Ill explain but first where is Swordsmen....? "Hes in his tent,sire." Go wake him! do it NOW.

The three of them rode out the next morning.
Arcon had arranged for mango and the others to meet them at the river crossing a days ride from the caves. So much was at stake here, he would need mango and angel hopefully they would make it.

one day later.......
At the river they rode up just as Mango was exiting, there stood one clean Mango and three laughing arconians......Mango's eyes were like daggers until finally she said,"when youre done gaulking may i please get my clothes?"

For two days they rode with only a few hours of sleep........arriving at the caves at dawn on the second day. They would rest and formulate their plan. It was decided they'd move in by cover of nite.

Arcon was tired he lay on his bedroll thinking of Zelda....wondering if Moon and meekel were still alive......
he could give little thought to the Knights to be, he left in charge of the Castle...but hopefully they would prevail. And hopefully he would get back to Knight them.
The darkness of nite would soon fall, and by the next day he knew it would all be over.
But what would be the outcome.....even as a King he could not be sure.
He could only be sure that they would all be risking their lives in just a few hours.
Then he was asleep.

[ 08-11-2001: Message edited by: arcon ]

[ 08-11-2001: Message edited by: arcon ]

[Lord Tellurine]

"Puke," said Lord Tellurine with a sneer. “How quaint.”

"I’ll have you know,” said Queen Zelda with authority, “There is a dozen Arconian Palace Guards just outside this cave’s entrance."

"And I’ll have YOU know, I don’t care." He smiled broadly. "You see, when I discovered the crow spy I knew you Arconians would be coming to the rescue." His smile faded into a look of disgust. "You always do. So I sent off a message to the King of Muu, telling him I was aware of an Arconian raiding party in the Muu Mountains, so he sent me TWO dozen of his finest men, who were waiting to ambush you at the cave’s entrance. I don’t know how you got in, but I can ensure you, your guards are busy." He paused to let his audience hear the sounds of battle outside echoing through the tunnel into the cave. What Tellurine did not know was that the Arconian Guards had been joined by Mango, Swordsman, Latenight, and King Arcon, himself, and they were giving the Muu troops some new lessons in pain.

"We still have you out-numbered in here," stated Moon.

"Oh, yes," agreed Tellurine with a snicker, "and what a crew it is. A scribe who fancies herself a knight, a daft prince, a queen, a pregnant sorceress in training, a washed-up wizard, and…" He took a good look at Nicholas. "I have no idea who you are."

"Long story," said Willow and Moon simultaneously.

"Whatever." A thought occurred to him and he smiled cruelly and lifted the sack he held. "And some useless rocks." He shook the sack.

"They’re not useless!" argued Meekal. "They are my friends and I want them back."

"Certainly," stated Tellurine. "As soon as you sign this marriage license."

Meekal gleefully said, "Is that all I have to do?" He started walking towards Tellurine.

"Meekal!" yelled Moon. "Get back here!" He sheepishly returned. "Nobody is going to sign that thing, Tellurine!"

"Really?" he asked, smiling. "How about for every minute you don’t sign, a rock gets pulverized by one of my goons?" The two goons flanking him grinned intensely.

"You can’t!" cried Meekal.

"I sure can!" he said back, shaking the sack violently.

"Don’t do that!" Meekal pleaded. "You’ll get them mad."

"So?" laughed Tellurine.

Meekal replied worriedly, "It’s just that they have friends in high places."

"What are you talking ab-" Suddenly the cave began to shake violently. The floor shook. The walls shook. A boulder plummeted out of the darkness above and landed a few feet from Tellurine. The huge rock split and it’s two massive halves fell from each other and rested on the cave’s floor. The shaking stopped. "What was that?!?" asked Tellurine.

A goon answered, "It’s probably one his stones’ Uncle Harold! And I’m not sticking around to meet the rest of the family!" He ran out the cave’s entrance.

The other goon yelled, "Wait for me!" He also left.

Lord Tellurine admitted defeat to himself. "Fine! You win!" He dropped the sack. "But you haven’t seen the last of Lord Tellurine!" He ran out the cave’s entrance.

Meekal ran over and grabbed his sack of stones. He turned and faced everyone else. They were all in shocked silence.

The silence was broken by Queen Zelda who turned to Nicholas and asked, "Perhaps the royal guards could use some help?"

"Right, Queen Zelda," said Nicholas. He gave Willow a kiss on the cheek and followed Zelda out of the cave.

Moon asked Meekal, "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" asked Meekal.

"He didn’t do it." Moon turned around and saw the dirty man she had met in Swampton, Meekal’s friend, Kliff. "I had mapped this mountain and I remembered seeing a boulder sitting on a small ledge just above where Tellurine was. I told Oddeldoodle and he performed an earthquake spell."

"It was nothing, really," Oddeldoodle said weakly. The spell had taken a lot out of him.

Kliff continued, "I’m just sorry my calculations were off and we missed him."

"That’s okay," said Moon. "Tellurine will get his. I’ll make sure of that. C’mon everyone, let’s see if we can help out up front." They started down the tunnel that led to the outdoors.

"I guess there’s one thing you can say about my stones," said Meekal.

"What’s that?" asked Willow, feeling nauseas again.

"They rock!"

[Moonitic]

"That's IT!"

Lady Moon lunged at Meekal, but was caught in the air by Zelda. "Let him live," the Queen whispered in Moon's ear as she held on tight. "Use your anger against the Muuvians."

And that, she did!

[Iwant2bafencer]

*Stands up and starts to clap feverously and gets so into it she smacks Gw on the back of the head making him slip and fall to the floor. Then smirks at her own mistake.*
Bravo everyone! Bravo! I do say when this book comes out it will be a best seller! nono! THE best seller! Sorry continue.