In the Garden of Rocks and Vomit

[Moonitic]

"Meekal," Lady Moon said when they were a safe distance from town, "You cannot let people know that you are back in Muu, or that you are looking for the royal treasure. Someone is bound to tell your father." She cast him a sidelong glance. "Do you know what would happen if he caught us?"

"I hadn't thought about it," Meekal mumbled.

"He'd put us in the dungeon. Or kill us." When Meekal gave her a sullen look, she added for more emphasis, "He'll take your rock collection."

"No!" Meekal shrieked. "He can't!"

"Meekal, shh! Someone might hear you. It's okay. We won't get caught." Lady Moon tried to reassure him. She reached over from her horse to his, & put a hand on his arm. "We'll be safe. Okay? We'll get the treasure, go back to Arconia, & never have to worry about this place again. Okay?" He was just like a child that needed reassurance.

He looked at her hand, then into her face. "Whatever you say, Princess."

She turned forward again & kept her eyes on the trail. The unfamiliar territory unnerved her. She thought she heard things at every turn. But it had to be animals. It just had to be. Lady Moon tightened her grip on the reins.

[Willow]

The crow commnunicated to Willow of how Meekal hadn't exactly been discreet in the town, and how Meekal and Moon were coming a bit closer to their destination. Willow sighed, knowing that Moon was becoming more and more exasperated at Meekal's antics. Personally, Willow didn't know how Moon could undertake a journey with someone such as Meekal. Especially in the face of such overwhelming danger.

Willow turned from the window, as the crow flew away to continue its mission. There wasn't a lot she could do now. Perhaps she should go into town and start planning her dress for the upcoming ball. Maybe one of the other ladies would care to accompany her. It was always more fun to shop with friends than alone.

[Lord Tellurine]

The sun was covered by thick grey clouds when Lady Moon and Meekal the Daft, Prince of Muu ascended the western side of Mount Spire in the Muuvian Mountains. Their horses could not make the climb with them, so they were tied up below in their make-shift camp.

Mount Spire itself was not a tall mountain. It was located on the edge of the Muuvian Mountains, gradually lifing into the sky from it's base. Only the top third of the mountain was actually steep as it came almost to a thick point and rose for another three-thousand feet into the clouds, looking like a fat needle giving a booster shot to a baby cloud.

The cave wasn't difficult to find, but there certainly was no treasure at the entrance. "We'll go in," said Lady Moon, lifting a lantern in front of her.

Moon and Meekal found the cave to be dark, damp, and silent. The only sounds were that of their feet scraping around the ground and a momentary caw of an irate crow at the cavern's entrance.

They walked for fifteen minutes before they came to a turn in the tunnel. Lady Moon stopped and Meekal did the same. He asked, "What?"

"We're there," she said. "It's beyond that corner. I know it. All our money problems will be gone for good! C'mon, Meekal!" She ran around the corner entering a large cavernous room. The ceiling was high above them, covered in a blackness that was too far up for the light of their laterns to penetrate. Huge rock walls rose around them creating a room large enough to hold treasure from a thousand kingdoms.

There was none.

Not a penny.

Nothing.

Lady Moon was perturbed. "Where's the treasure?!?" she asked the emptiness. She turned to Meekal. Her features, already distorted by the light of her lantern, were further mutated by her anger. It frightened Meekal. She asked, "Meekal, where's the treasure?!?"

"I don't-"

"We've come all this way, Meekal! You said there would be treasure! You promised treasure!" She made a sweeping gesture at the room. "There's no treasure!" She began to pace, swinging her latern violently each time she turned. The shadows of the stalagmites danced on the cave's walls. She began to talk to herself. "It's my own fault. I shouldn't have listened to him. I can't believe I listened to him. I actually believed Meekal when he told me he knew where there was treasure! Why would I think that his father would tell him where the family treasure is?

Meekal interrupted cautiously, "My father didn't tell me."

Lady Moon turned to face him. "He didn't?" she asked, knowing the answer already. "Well, who told you? Was it Rufus?!? Was it Nigel?!?" She began to approach him slowly and deliberately. "Tell me which one it was and I'll crush him into a pebble! I've had it with your stupid stones! Only someone as daft as you would go on a quest on a tip you recieved from a non-living piece of Earth!" She was almost on top of him, stepping closer and closer as he backed away from her. "So which one was it, Meekal? Who told you about the treasure?!?"

"I did."

The voice startled Moon. Did a stone just talk to her? She looked towards the room's entrance. Standing there, flanked on each side by a large man was Lord Tellurine. He said with an evil grin, "I told Meekal there was treasure here."

Meekal gave Moon a look of innocence.

She said to him, "Oh, and you think this is any better?"

Lord Tellurine ordered the two men, "Tie them up."

[Lord Tellurine]

Lord Tellurine snickered with glee while Lady Moon and Meekal the Daft were tied to a tall, thin stagalmite. It irratated Moon to see him so happy. She asked, "Shouldn't you be locked up awaiting trial?"

He stopped snickering and sneered at her. "Do you really think I could be kept in the same dungeon I had been hiding in a week earlier?"

Moon suddenly realized how stupid of a move that had been. By allowing him a chance to escape she had sealed her fate. "Well, I guess you're just going to kill us?"

"What?!?" exclaimed Meekal, as if the gravity of the situation hadn't occurred to him yet.

"Shut up!" Lady Moon and Lord Tellurine said in unison.

"No," replied Lord Tellurine, answering Lady Moon's question. "Killing you doesn't serve my purpose. Yet." He smiled at something he was thinking. "Besides, if I wanted to kill you, I would have back in Arconia, but that would not have put me back into the good graces of the King of Muu. No, I have more devious plan. While planning my last aborted attack on Arconia's castle the generals of the Muu army were telling me they have run out of money and can no longer fund their plans of conquest. They were delighted though at the prospect of a royal marriage uniting Schoolcraftia and Muu. Schoolcraftia has been enjoying years of peace and prosperity. If Muu had access to their treasury they could build an army that would swallow up Arconia in a week!"

Moon interjected, "Arconia wouldn't fall that easily! They would fight."

Tellurine's smile faded and his usual sneer returned. "I'm sure they would. But how many waves of fresh, newly-trained Muu warriors could they withstand?" Moon didn't have an answer for him. "So instead of killing you I tricked Meekal into thinking there was royal plunder to be found here in this cave. I had discovered this place while going through some old geoligist reports at the Muu castle. I figured it would be remote enough to suit my needs. I also told Meekal to ask you to come too." He looked her straight in the eyes. "I had no doubt you wouldn't turn him down." He turned from her, smiling broadly. "Then I sought out Brother Emmanuel. It was easy to find him. I looked near the food. I dressed like a royal messenger and gave him orders from Schoolcraftia that he should start preparing for a royal wedding. A few days later I returned to him with a note saying the wedding had been called off. He was so angry that he had spent all that time writing out a wedding license in his finest caligraphy. I gladly took it off his hands." He produced a small scroll.

Meekal screamed, "He's gonna kill us with paper cuts! He's gonna paper cut us to death!"

"Shut up!" they both yelled again.

"Sorry," apologized Meekal. "I just really hate paper cuts."

Lady Moon asked, "What ARE you going to do with that?"

"You both are going to sign it. Making you two legally married. It will join Schoolcraftia and Muu, and more importantly Schoolcraftia's treasury with Muu's army, and you two will mysteriously disappear on your honeymoon."

"Really?" asked Meekal. "Where are we going?"

Lord Tellurine smiled again. "You're going... to die."

"Nooooo!"

"Shut up!" they both yelled.

Lady Moon looked at Lord Tellurine. "Could you kill him first?"

[Willow]

Willow went running through the castle. Her screams of "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" echoed through the walls. Guards came running, to see who was being murdered. King Arcon and Queen Zelda ran out of their sitting room. Arcon caught Willow just in time, as she was tripping over her gown. "Willow, what is it? Is something wrong? Is it the baby? You? Anyone else we know?"

Willow looked up at the King, her eyes as big as saucers. "Lord Tellurine has Moon and Meekal. He's going to make them sign a wedding license, uniting Schoolcraftia and Muu. Then he's going to kill them! It's all being done for MONEY! What can we do? We can't get there in time! How can we prevent this?"

[Moonitic]

Lady Moon thumped her head against the stalagmite. "Why me?" she muttered. "Why does it always have to be me?"

[Willow]

Willow heard Moon's "why me?" comment. She thought to herself..."I can tell you why you. Because you were stupid to go off with Meekal the Daft...you just HAD to go off with him. Drat you and your love of adventure and questing! What am I going to tell your mother?" Burying her face in her hands, Willow sobbed.

[Moonitic]

Now is not the time for an "I told you so", Willow, Moon thought.

I'm doomed...doomed, I tell you! Maybe I could claim writer's cramp...

[Zelda]

Well I must admit hearing Willow scream like she did made me start. I had finally tracked the King down and was making a start on some quality time with him when Willows screams shattered the peace.
As I and the king rushed out of my chambers we saw Willow hurtling down the hall. As she told us what she knew I mentally kicked myself for even letting Tellurine in the castle.
"Willow this is my fault and I will have to set it right.My King please allow me to take a few men and go and find Moon and Meekal."

Not many people know that as a princess I trained in the art of apparition (the ability to disappear and reappear instantly in another place). I actually became quite good at it and became proficent enough to take people with me.

"Of course my dear, you can do WHATEVER you like, as long as you come back safely!" The king told me.

So I gathered a force of soliders willing to apparete with me to Moon and Meekal. It took all my strength to convince Willow that apparition was NOT a good idea for someone in her condition. Besides I needed her to fix it if something went wrong, it was such a long time since I had done it.

As the soliders were gathering their gear I retired to my chambers to prepare myself. As I dug my light chain mail out from the back of teh closet I thought "Never thought I would need this again!!!" It had been along time since I had ridden into the kingdom looking for adventure and instead fallen in love with a prince. (But thats another story!)

"Your majesty? the force is ready." a page said, her jaw dropping in surprise to see me in full battle kit.
"Thank you," I replied as I walked past her.
"Everyone ready? Right lets go then, Willow where did you say Moon said she was?"
As Willow told me I concentrated my thoughts solely on Moon, and where she was, "Dont worry Moon, I'm coming....." and the group disappeared with a pop, and reappeared instantaneously behind Lord Tellurine. His guards, who had seen us appear out of thin air, gulped as they recognised the markings on our armour.

[Lord Tellurine]

Lord Tellurine was speechless. He finally managed to get out, "Huh?"

Between him and his prisoners, where there had once been empty space, stood Queen Zelda, Queen of Arconia, and a half-dozen castle guards. She declared, "Your days of evil-doing are over, Lord Tellurine! Hand over Lady Moon of the Quill and Meekal, Prince of Muu!"

Lord Tellurine glanced around him. "I've got a better idea," he said, starting for the room's entrance. "How about I run?" He began running. His two henchman followed.

Queen Zelda pointed at four of her men. "Go after them!" The four ran off. She ordered the other two, "Untie them!" The two guards approached Lady Moon and Meekal and untied them.

Lady Moon rushed over to Queen Zelda. "Thank you, my Queen," she said hugging her, although it wasn't easy with all the chain mail.

"Was he able to carry out any of his evil plan?" she asked Moon.

"No," said Moon. "Meekal and I refused to sign the marriage license." There is one other thing though..." Moon looked worried.

"What is it my child?" asked Queen Zelda.

Suddenly there was a huge explosion. It had come from the tunnel leading to the outside world. The walls began to shake. Rocks began falling all around them. Queen Zelda, who was wearing armor, tried covering Lady Moon. Soon, all was quiet again. Queen Zelda asked, "What was that?"

"That was the second part of Tellurine's plan," Moon said, brushing dirt off of her. "After we were to sign the marriage license he was going to trap us inside Mount Spire for eternity."

"Oh, dear," said Queen Zelda.

Lady Moon smiled, "But we can just pop right out of here, just like you popped in, right?" There was no answer from her Queen. "Right?" asked Moon again a little bit more urgedly.

"Here's the thing," began Zelda avoiding Moon's eyes. "That 'popping' we did took a lot out of me. I guess I was hoping we would capture Lord Tellurine and walk out of here and once I was rested I could 'pop' us back home."

Lady Moon knew what she had to ask, but Meekal, who had just joined them asked it for her. "How long till you're rested?"

Queen Zelda was silent. Finally she said, "For a group this large... a week."

Lady Moon asked, "What if it wasn't all the way back to Arconia? What if it was just out of the mountain?"

Once again Queen Zelda was silent for a moment. "I afraid it isn't that easy. I didn't know this place so I had to concentrate on you to get us here. In a way you guided us here. To get us back I would concentrate on the castle. It's a place I know. ...There's nobody to guide us outside of the mountain and I'm afraid we could all end up upside down in a tree."

Suddenly, the four guards sent after Lord Tellurine returned. They were dirty and badly bruised, having taken the worst of the explosion. One of them said, "I'm sorry, my Queen, but Lord Tellurine escaped."

"Pay that no mind," she said quickly. "Lady Moon, help me dress these men's wounds."

The dust that had been kicked up by the explosion had finally settled and Queen Zelda looked around her. This room will be her home for a while.

[DamedEscrime]

Oh my goodness!! What will happen to our heroes? Will they be freed in time for the ball? Will the evil Lord get away with it?
Stay tuned to this folder for more of the exciting adventures of the fabulous folks of Arconia.

And now a word from our sponsors....
Do you feel irritable and irregular?.......

[ 08-06-2001: Message edited by: DamedEscrime ]

[Moonitic]

The group sat in silence. A heavy blanket of depression settled over them. With her elbows on her knees, & her arms propping up her head, Moon looked over to Queen Zelda. With a sarcastic tone, she said, "Gee, thanks for saving us, Your Highness."

On the Queen's other side, Meekal sat. He couldn't find his rocks in the dark, which did nothing for his usual happiness. "I think I would have preferred the papercuts."

[Willow]

Willow woke up screaming in fright. Oh, thank God it was a dream. Meekal and Moon hadn't reached the mountain, yet. But, why was Lord Tellurine in her dream? Was any of the dream prophetic in any way? You know, they say that pregnant women have very unusual and colorful dreams. Sending her thoughts to the crow following Meekal and Moon, Willow saw them sleeping by the fire, safe and sound. At least for the moment.

[Moonitic]

Lady Moon sat wherever she was & banged her head on a rock. "I'm so confused!" she mumbled over & over. The horrible reality of the situation was that Moon had lost track of ALL reality.

Meekal looked over at her. "Hey! That's Derek you're banging your head on!"

ACK

[Moonitic]

Okay, after a lot of confusion (must be a FS trick!) here is what actually happened that fateful day:

Lady Moon & Meekal did, indeed, make it to the cave. And yes, they did encounter Lord Tellurine & his henchmen, who tied them to the stalagtite. He indeed planned on forcing them to sign the marriage certificate.

It all proved too much for Moon. She was, after all, a princess. The difficulties of the journey (& Meekal), the happenings of the past month (& Meekal)..they all took their toll on her. After groaning "Why me?" she simply passed out.

The crow did not return to Willow with any word. He had been "taken care of" by the Muuvian soldiers. In the meantime, Willow had a prophetic dream about her friend. It would be natural, with such a strong connection. And pregnant women are known for strange dreams.

Upset by this dream, she ran screaming through the castle. It drew the attention of the King & Queen. Believing that the dream was true, the Queen asked permission to go find Moon & Meekal. The King agreed, stating that he needed to stay here in case there was another attack. The appearance of the queen & the royal guard in the cave proved to be a mere hallucination by Moon, as did her previous "conversation" with Willow.

So, as it stands now, the Queen & her men have begun their long ride to the mountain cave (though they are not completely sure WHICH cave). And Moon & Meekal are still tied up.

Oh yeah...& Lady Moon is having a much needed rest. Shall we continue?

[latenight]

I think you should all know that whenever I read the title to this thread, I can't help but start thinking of the Iron Butterfly song, "In a Gadda Da Vida". The title just fits perfectly into that tune.

Anyway, just thought I'd let you know. Back to your regularly scheduled serial....

[POCCIA]

STOP THE PRESS!!!

We've got a best-seller here! Why this ain't useless slop, I love it!

[Lord Tellurine]

"Sign it."

"No."

"Sign it."

"No."

Lord Tellurine gritted his teeth. Once again he thrusted the marriage license towards the tied-up Lady Moon. "Sign it."

"No," answered back Lady Moon once again.

Meekal suggested, "Maybe you should say please."

"Shut up," they both said. It was the only thing they DID agree on.

Lord Tellurine began to pace the large cavernous room, which happened to be a room made out of a large cave. The plan was going along so well up to now. He decided to re-trace his steps:

Trick Meekal into thinking there was royal plunder in out-of-the-way cave. Check.

Convince Meekal to take along Lady Moon. Check.

Get Brother Emmanuel to write up a marriage license. Check.

Hire two goons to do dirty work. Check.

Take care of crow spy. Check.

Capture Lady Moon and Meekal. Check.

Make them sign license... ... ...No check.

"Hey, Boss," interrupted one of the goons. "When do we get paid?"

He answered, "It's in the mail." No check.

The other goon said, "I told my wife I'd be home by the weekend."

Lord Tellurine glared at the man and said, "You're not going home until the job is done!" He started for the cave's entrance. "Watch the prisoners... I need some fresh air."

[Lord Tellurine]

Lady Moon was uncomfortable. Being tied to a stalagmite was turning out to be not a pleasant experience. Not that she ever thought it would be, nor did she ever think she WOULD be tied to a stalagmite. If only she could think of a way out of this mess. She supposed that the rope could break, if she could manage to rub a section of it against the rough rock she was tied to, but with the two goons watching over them, that would be impossible. If only there was a glimmer of hope.

"Moon," whispered Meekal from the other side of the stalagmite. "You want to escape?"

What a stupid question, thought Moon. "Of course I do," she whispered back. "You have an idea?"

What a stupid question, thought Meekal. Doesn't she remember who she's talking to? They don't call me daft because of my looks. "No," he answered back, "but Rufus does."

Moon thought a moment. "Which one is Rufus?"

"The clever one. Sometimes overbearing."

"Right." She thought, at least it's the clever one. "What's his idea?"

"He says we should get the goons to turn against Tellurine. I don't see how, though. Sure, he's mean to them, but he's mean to everyone."

Lady Moon didn't respond. Her mind was racing. Meekal's mind, on the other hand, pulled off the road and shifted into neutral.

[George Washington]

All your bigotry
Are now belong to us

I object to using the name Rufus, because it carries certain unneeded negative racial overtones. That is exactly the sort of thing that we don't need here.

You might as well just name your creations Amos & Andy.