Fun Things to Do to Beginners

[remistress]

Alright, firstly I must say I am normally very very nice to begginers. After all more people means more fencing, right? However, in my sick and twisted sense of humor, several things occured to me while watching the beginners do drills. I'm sure they have occured to you too....don't deny it.

1. Instruct said beginner that the bodycord gets plugged into the electric outlet, because that "powers the strip".

2. Make guys wear women's plastrons to help "protect everyone equally".

3. Bring dollar bills. When fencer makes good action, slip dollar bill into knicker back pocket. Explain it is part of the "reward and punishment" system in fencing. When they ask about the punishment, tell them that happens later.

4. Bring street fighting equipment. Have them suit up and call it street fencing. Hand them machettes.

5. Bring alcohol. Every time they mess up tell them to take a shot. Tell them this helps with tournament preparation.

I know there are more out there...c'mon a little guilty pleasure

[larkmaj]

2. Make guys wear women's plastrons to help "protect everyone equally".

Women's plastrons? The only difference is those are darted. You probably mean chest protector.

[Beloit Fencer of Old]

Tell them that as part of their initiation, they have to fence you. Once they are able to score a point, they "earn the right" to wear a mask when fencing.

[Nicksmom]

hope these are for Adult beginners? Nick acts goofy enough

[Neinteen]

bah! 6 year olds hold shots like the rest of us!

didn't you wonder why there were so many singles in his pocket? you didn't think he was...

[Neinteen]

I know there are more out there...c'mon a little guilty pleasure

Well last year I:

-Bring in and show off a 'full body lame' for epee.
-Tell foils that flicking a sabre on the shoulder and an epee on the head is a way of saying hi
-tell epees that poking peoples toes does the same
-don't talk to sabres
-tell fencers that tournaments consist of tons of hot people (bah! they never do!) so that they go and hold your stuff
-convince them ( once there ) that the hotdogs are 'free' and that line is for donations. My friend and I had freshman get us like 100 hotdogs. that woulda been pricy.
-when directing JV just make up a whole lot of bullsh!t that end at : 'even with your parry riposte, that yellow light means my fencer's off target gets the point'
-inturpt every JV bout with : woah woah woah woah, LIES! that was 'my fencer's " point!
-give a freshman your lame, give them your mask, and have someoen to distract your coach while the director test weights and crap. Then have the freshman fence varsity ( actually a nice thing, i did it and the kid only lost 4-5 to a senior, though it lowered my indicator =[ )
-When directing practice bouts between teammates, call halt every 3 seconds.
-talk massively with your friends about how meets are filled with drugs, booze, and sex int he locker room. They'll change in the guys locker room, forcing the guys to change outside.
-lock the girls lockerroom to accomplish the same
-have a friend on the other team, take their lame, and fence your own teammate ( coaches are blind these days )
-scream in german at your fencer, the opponent thinks they understand and is like zomg what are they saying
-HFBALHKBAHKFHJF idk.

[seven6ty]

-don't talk to sabres

Generally speaking, I don't really talk to inanimate objects.

[leftyboy]

-don't talk to sabres

Cool ones wouldnt talk to you anyway.

-tell fencers that tournaments consist of tons of hot people (bah! they never do!)

QFT

-give a freshman your lame, give them your mask, and have someoen to distract your coach while the director test weights and crap. Then have the freshman fence varsity ( actually a nice thing, i did it and the kid only lost 4-5 to a senior, though it lowered my indicator =[ )

"Since when did you lose 3 inches of height?"

*runs*

-talk massively with your friends about how meets are filled with drugs, booze, and sex int he locker room. They'll change in the guys locker room, forcing the guys to change outside.
-lock the girls lockerroom to accomplish the same

A locker room, with Cascada in the background

*raves*
"We're training for Summer Nationals!"
*waves glowsticks*

scream in german at your fencer, the opponent thinks they understand and is like zomg what are they saying

I'll try this with French next time.

[RPI Epeeist]

-Tell foils that flicking a sabre on the shoulder and an epee on the head is a way of saying hi

You know... I think I get enough stupid foilists saying "hold still... I wanna try and flick your back"... I don't need beginners trying to do that to my head

[Neinteen]

hah, can't wait to force people to do that for me

[larkmaj]

I think I get enough stupid foilists saying "hold still... I wanna try and flick your back"...

Are you sure it's not just the one? Then again, that's plenty...

[Timo]

OY! I'm a beginner!

[Shi no Tenshi]

OY! I'm a beginner!

Hey Timo, you should stab somebody in the face with an Epee to say hello!

[RPI Epeeist]

Are you sure it's not just the one? Then again, that's plenty...

Well it was one THIS year (plus one epeeist... how many times does someone have to say "Leave my foot alone!")... but every foilist has an evil gremlin inside of them saying "Hey... see if you can flick that guy right here". Its impossible to fight it. Especially when you're from New Jersey... and fence/fenced in high school. Spending a lifetime not being allowed to pump your own gas must have some malicious curiosity affect on them.

Could this be a thesis in the making??? Hmmmm

[RPI Epeeist]

OY! I'm a beginner!

Yes... and I don't want you flicking my head as a salutation... your point was???

[latenight]

I think the funniest trick you can play on a beginner is to start them with foil! roflmao!! I love that one!

[Sword Hobbit]

OY! I'm a beginner!

Oh, don't worry we'll be nice .....ish

[Shi no Tenshi]

Don't worry, Timo. If you truly have been fencing a year, you have been fencing longer than me. I'm at 11 months.

[Timo]

Ehh... A year? try 4 lessons

[Shi no Tenshi]

Ok, I have a bit on you then.