Mom needs to vent

[Nicksmom]

My son, who is six years old, recently started fencing. He has been practicing his foot work on a daily basis and is egar to go to class, so I bought him a starter foil and mask. (got a glove too, but it is WAY too small) You should have seen his face he was so excited, he wanted to go to class an hour early to be able to show the people who lead the class his new equipment. When he got to class he went up to show them, the response was, looking down at him, "Oh, I see mommy got you the beginner kit". You could see the air go right out of his balloon, he dropped his shoulders and lowered his head and went an stood on the line for warm ups. He participated, but it wasn't with a smile, and he was real quite the entire ride home.
Any suggestion on what I should have gotten for him, (other than a new fencing instructor)

[Mo]

Originally Posted by Nicksmom

Any suggestion on what I should have gotten for him, (other than a new fencing instructor)

You bought him exactly the right thing. He is a beginner, darn it. He is six years old and going to be growing like crazy.
This is the kind of stuff inherent in every sport and it drives me nuts. I've seen kids who are just joining swim teams put down because they have the wrong "kind" of competition suit. The same for gymnastics and the leotards.
Kids who can, do what they need to do, kids who are threatened harass other kids and act like little creeps.
Too bad your son is experiencing it so early.
When my daughter was 6 she was in gymnastics. She was in a group with a lot of older girls. She had trouble pronouncing her "r" sound. Since she was a pretty handy gymnast, the girls focused on her inability to pronounce the R sound and made fun of her all the time. She fixed it but she cried a bit too.
Tell him success is the best revenge. Get in there and beat all those kids and be a young gentleman with class, doing it.
The Momster

[Nicksmom]

the worst part was, the "instructor" was the one making the comment.

[Neinteen]

Wow, kinda cool having a kid fencing at 6. Kinda makes me wish i did when i was 6.

I'm not a parent ( thank god! ) but i'd suggest making up a new rank, lower than beginner and telling him he improved from it and that all the other 6yr old fencers are still in it. Self-Esteem Boosts FTW

Or just wait until he forgets about it...

[lauralitz]

You might try talking to the coach away from your son and let the coach know what power the words he chose had over your child. I would never presume to tell a coach how to coach, but I don't think that this is a coaching issue. Is there a cultural difference? Maybe the coach only meant the comment as a positive comment and it came across wrong? If this person is going to be coaching your child, you need to be able to talk to them. (Don't do this when they are busy with classes/lessons)

Here is hoping things get resolved and that your little guy sticks it out.

Tell your son that my daughter didn't get to start fencing until 7 and she didn't get her own gear until almost 9. He should like that ;-). She loves fencing still at 11. Good luck!

LL

[Peach]

I would also suggest to other parents to learn from what you went through--That is, you might check with the coach before buying equipment. With my goofy little middle school club sport, I try to convey to parents that they shouldn't rush out and buy kit just yet. My students are just trying out the sport, and I find the parents (who are often very well-to-do and ambitious for their children) will buy way too much stuff, which puts pressure on their kids to succeed at the same time as it makes them stick out among their peers, who can be tough on them.

I don't criticize kids who do arrive with unsuitable equipment, though. I try very hard not to react one way or another.

[lefty_monster]

Tell poor nick that the monster feels for him. I'm a teenager and I still go "Coach! Look what I got! Isn't it cool? It's shiny!" Showing off equipment is fun.

But I agree. You need to tell the coach that this comment hurt nick's feelings. He probably didn't mean any harm and doesn't know that his words had that effect.

[counterattack]

I cut the coach no slack here. That comment is totally uncalled for. The only two reasons I can think of for it are:

1) Belittlement. Lots of people do this subconsciously. All the time. You know the people.
2) Business. Coaches often sell equipment and want to make sure you vet the purchases for your young one through him/her in the future. This gives the coach more sway.

I say "one swinging strike against the coach". When a student gets to be of a higher level (much higher) then a student and a coach should discuss equipment (though really just the weapon).

Perhaps I am just an angry person, though. All the time. You know the kind

-philip

[pokey]

Originally Posted by counterattack

Perhaps I am just an angry person, though. All the time. You know the kind

Sabreur? Oh wait, that's aggressiveness.

I read "looking down on him" literally since you said he was 6. Was the coach's tone condescending? Maybe the coach didn't mean any harm by it and was just stating a fact without realizing how it may have sounded to your son.

But I'm with Mo. He's a beginner who'll quickly outgrow his kit. What else could you have gotten him?

[jbenjamin]

well, if the coach did mean it the way you interpreted it, why would he not like a beginner's kit for a beginner?? beginner's kits for beginners are economical!
plus, fencing can be a bit of a risky investment-your son might change his mind about fencing in the following months-Competitive/Intermediate or FIE gear is just too expensive for a beginner (plus I don't think they offer FIE for a 6 yr. old kid).

good luck to you and your son!

[The Rose Knight]

Originally Posted by Nicksmom

My son, who is six years old, recently started fencing. He has been practicing his foot work on a daily basis and is egar to go to class, so I bought him a starter foil and mask. (got a glove too, but it is WAY too small) You should have seen his face he was so excited, he wanted to go to class an hour early to be able to show the people who lead the class his new equipment. When he got to class he went up to show them, the response was, looking down at him, "Oh, I see mommy got you the beginner kit". You could see the air go right out of his balloon, he dropped his shoulders and lowered his head and went an stood on the line for warm ups. He participated, but it wasn't with a smile, and he was real quite the entire ride home.
Any suggestion on what I should have gotten for him, (other than a new fencing instructor)

What should you have gotten him? Exactly what you got him. He's a beginner, and I'd assume in a class with other beginners. Don't know what the coach's intent was in making the comment, and perhaps it was an offhand comment with no meaning behind it. It doesn't sound like that was the case, however. Sounds like the coach frowns on beginner kits for some odd reason.

You got your son the right tool for the job. And the fact that you have him involved in something he wants to do and gave him a nice kit to get him going shows you to be a cool mom

I have two sons who both have gotten into kendo and one into fencing. 650.00 for a set of hogu (kendo sparring gear) is big bucks if they quit. My oldest son got a set. My youngest did not; he had no interest in competing and quit after reaching first dan (blackbelt). Master Kim had a set his size there for him to use in class. When my younger son got into fencing last year, I got him the same thing you got for Nick: a beginner kit. He'll outgrow the jacket by the year's end (Nick will certainly outgrow his within a year) and the knickers by next year most likely, so it would have been absolutely silly to get him a fancy jacket and knickers.

Your coach owes Nick an apology. He owes you one too.

[Harrychoi]

I can remember when my son first started to fence, after three to four group lesson, we were ask to consider buying equipment of our own. since I do not fence and know anything about fencing, I ask the coach how and what to purchase.

answer:

1. If you think your son is going to stay for anything min. two years then consider buying club range equipment (FIE350) with manufacturer like all star or leonpaul, buy two size bigger, most likely your son would go into competition and the next six months or so and the equipment give better protection.

2. buy good second hand from other young fencer.

That was five years ago and I opt for option 1.

Now thinking back, I relised what he is actully is saying is, are we prepare to spend money support our son for this expensive sport, if not dont start.

[Inquartata]

Originally Posted by pokey

Maybe the coach didn't mean any harm by it and was just stating a fact without realizing how it may have sounded to your son.

Yes, but if the kid's reaction was as pronounced and obvious as she described it, how could the coach possibly have missed it?

Now, just reading the words it's not a comment I would leap to interpret as sneering or condescending, but I take it that that was the tone...

[larkmaj]

I think it's also worth noting that Nicksmom didn't actually get him a beginner's kit. She got him a mask and foil after consulting with this community. The coach jumped to the conclusion that he had a beginner's kit.

[4qtrs]

Originally Posted by larkmaj

I think it's also worth noting that Nicksmom didn't actually get him a beginner's kit. She got him a mask and foil after consulting with this community. The coach jumped to the conclusion that he had a beginner's kit.

I have to say that the 'coach' doesn't sound like he is use to dealing with kids. If he was engaged with the student he would have picked it up. That being said, there are coaches in fencing and then there are the wantabees or thinktheyarebees.

My suggestion would be to check out the competition. Either within the club or even other clubs. Where do the other kids go and make sure to visit when a kid class is going on so you can check out the interactions.

I will say that the dynamics of a coach/kid relationship are very important. If they click, it's great if not....well, lets just say we want to see more of Nick!

[The Rose Knight]

Originally Posted by 4qtrs

I have to say that the 'coach' doesn't sound like he is use to dealing with kids. If he was engaged with the student he would have picked it up. That being said, there are coaches in fencing and then there are the wantabees or thinktheyarebees.

My suggestion would be to check out the competition. Either within the club or even other clubs. Where do the other kids go and make sure to visit when a kid class is going on so you can check out the interactions.

I will say that the dynamics of a coach/kid relationship are very important. If they click, it's great if not....well, lets just say we want to see more of Nick!

I agree completely. Lots of people think that they can coach a sport with kids. But while they may have some coaching aptitude, they don't connect well with younger kids or kids in general.

I have experienced such "coaches" in other sports my kids have been involved in. One coach in particular had experience coaching high school soccer. He was retired and was coaching kids soccer. He may have been good with teens, but he was way too intense for seven year olds. Not a bad guy, but he was just the wrong guy for the job.

As for thinktheyarebees (love the term: you must coin it!), perhaps thinktheyarebees should work at Arby's and leave coaching to people who actually can.

[Peach]

Golly--if I had determined my relationship with my daughter's coach on the basis of a couple of miscommunications at the beginning, she wouldn't have been with him for ten years.

[4qtrs]

Originally Posted by Peach

Golly--if I had determined my relationship with my daughter's coach on the basis of a couple of miscommunications at the beginning, she wouldn't have been with him for ten years.

Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of those, but you must have seen something in the coach that made you work through those times.

I think that many new parents often don't realize that there are different levels of 'coaching' avalible for their athelete especially if they haven't been exposed to fencing.

[Nicksmom]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. The class that Nick is in is for "6 years and up" Most are up, High school and older. Not only did the "coach" look down on him physically, but also in his voice. The "coach" never had a parents meeting, since most parents are not involved. He is still very excited about fencing, and is planning on going to class tomorrow. I am planning on thalking with the "coach", that is if he's there. For some reason he tends to miss the majority of the Saturday classes. I'll keep you posted. Oh, and Nick says thanks, too.

Lefty Monster-Nick LOVES you avitar

[The Rose Knight]

Glad to hear that Nick is still excited about fencing.

That he is in a 6+ class where the majority of students are high school age explains a lot. A six year old beginner will need a much different touch than a high school student. Perhaps this coach is good with high school kids but doesn't know what to do with a younger child.

If that's the case, he shouldn't advertise a minimum age of six. Sounds like he isn't excited about coaching young kids, as if it's somehow beneath him. What a shame. To be able to start a younster at that age out in fencing is an honour that this coach should really appreciate.