The Troubled Rock Band Game

[scrapinpeg]

Simple game. Your task is to make a good band better by (a) firing one musician, (b) replacing one musician with someone else, or (c) hiring one musician.

You must explain why your change improves the band. You need not hire actual musicians -- people may have other qualities you think the band needs. Feel free to be creative.


The starting lineup is Dire Straits, circa 1978:

Lead Vocals & Lead Guitar: Mark Knopfler
Backup Vocals & Rhythm Guitar: David Knopfler
Bass Guitar: John Illsey
Drums: Pick Withers

[ThatReallyHurt]

The starting lineup is Dire Straits, circa 1978:

Lead Vocals & Lead Guitar: Mark Knopfler
Backup Vocals & Rhythm Guitar: David Knopfler
Bass Guitar: John Illsey
Drums: Pick Withers

Geez... you're approaching perfection right there.

Hmm...

Add: Leonard Cohen (writer & vocals). A lot of his stuff is pretty dark, would fit well if it were done by Dire Straits. He could also provide some low vocals to complement Knopfler.


Next Lineup: REM in 1995:

Vocals: Michael Stipe
Guitar: Peter Buck
Bass: Mike Mills
Drums: Bill Berry

[scrapinpeg]

Vocals: Michael Stipe
Guitar: Peter Buck
Bass: Mike Mills
Drums: Bill Berry

I'd swap out Bill Berry for Chad Smith from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He'd really improve the groovability of REM's almost-but-not-quite catchy jangle pop. His really tight technical skills would also reinforce the bassist, the real backbone of this band.

Gonna morph this game. Let's just keep altering the band as we find it from the person before. It will amuse me, and that's all that matters.

So now we have:

Vocals: Michael Stipe
Guitar: Peter Buck
Bass: Mike Mills
Drums: Chad Smith

[I_luv_saber]

Swap Michael Stipe for Ian Anderson. Interesting style of singing with some killer range (at least once upon a time), and can also write some of the most killer lyrics to satiate any cynic.

So now it should be:
Vocals: Ian Anderson
Guitar: Peter Buck
Bass: Mike Mills
Drums: Chad Smith

(Interesting group, no? )

[tehcow]

I would hire the midget guy from Kid Rock to jump around the stage and high five everyone, as well as drink lots of beer and get all the groupies.

Vocals: Ian Anderson
Guitar: Peter Buck
Bass: Mike Mills
Drums: Chad Smith
Resident Pimp: midget from Kid Rock (after some research it appears his name is Joe C.)

[scrapinpeg]

With that tight core bass & drum, and the much more complexly melodic vocalist, I'm going to have to get rid of Peter Buck. Can't decide which lead guitarist can better push the melodic drive the band now craves -- it's either GnR-era Slash or late-70s David Gilmour. Both have great breakouts that can tingle the spine, but would take the band in very different directions. Though Gilmour is by far the better musician, I'm going to go with Slash here. His pop sensitivity and simpler skills won't overshadow the rest of the band, and are more likely to complement the others.

So now we have:

Vocals: Ian Anderson
Guitar: Slash
Bass: Mike Mills
Drums: Chad Smith
Resident Pimp: midget from Kid Rock (after some research it appears his name is Joe C.)

[I_luv_saber]

I've never really cared somuch for Mike Mills. I'd have to kick him out and go for John Deacon, bass player for Queen. His bass skills are fairly simple, but extremely diverse, playing everything from R&B to quartet style music. He mostly seems to write more up-beat and light music which seems to balance out and give a nice break to Ian Anderson's sometimes darker cynicism.

So now we're at:
Vocalist: Ian Anderson
Guitar: Slash
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Chad Smith
Resident Pimp: midget from Kid Rock (after some research it appears his name is Joe C.)

[tehcow]

What I think the band really needs now is something a bit different in terms of the vocal delivery. I can only think of one man right now to fill these hefty shoes and that man is none other than Laurie Anderson, who is 100% woman. Her deep philosophical observations will start a youth revolution when set to the tight rock behind her as well as the inspiring midgetpimping of Joe C. This band is becoming more awesome each time.

Vocalist: Laurie Anderson
Guitar: Slash
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Chad Smith
Resident Pimp: Joe C., midget from Kid Rock

[Have At You]

The band sounds thin. It needs a rhythm guitarist. Someone who can fill the background with simple strumming isn't going to be enough. To fit with this bassist and drummer, we're going to need someone with tight chops. They're going to have to be funky and percussive at times, silky and smooth sometimes, and even folksy now and then. Most of the time, they need to have a blues-based rocking quality that shines, but doesn't overpower the song, and doesn't get in Slash's way.

Tough assignment.

Believe it or not, I'm going with someone most commonly thought of as a lead guitarist, but who really was his own best rhythm picker: Stevie Ray Vaughan, around 1984 or so (Couldn't Stand the Weather era).

Good band:

Vocalist: Laurie Anderson
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Stevie Ray Vaughan
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Chad Smith
Resident Pimp: Joe C., midget from Kid Rock

[I_luv_saber]

Well, as good a band as this is, gonna have to let someone go. Don't get me wrong he does add a certain element, just not the right element for what the band has turned out to be. Joe C... I'll have to let you go.

So now we've got a nice little rock and roll band at:
Vocalist: Laurie Anderson
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Stevie Ray Vaughan
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Chad Smith

[SFfencer]

you should add Michael McDonald (Doobie Brothers era), but I don't really have a reason for him.

Vocalist: Laurie Anderson
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Stevie Ray Vaughan
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Chad Smith
Keyboard: Michael McDonald

[I_luv_saber]

Not a bad little rock and roll band here. However, I think this might add an interesting piece to it. Cut Chad Smith and swap with Keith Moon. That might take us somewhere interesting...

Vocalist: Laurie Anderson
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Stevie Ray Vaughan
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Michael McDonald

[Have At You]

That means Laurie Anderson needs to go. Too art-poppy. This band is now too energetic and vibrant for that. Sorry, Laurie. We'll mail you your last check.

This band needs someone who can fill the hall with energy, angst on occasion, and youthful enthusiasm, but can also carry a real tune, not just shouting. Someone with a decent vocal range.

That chick from Evanescence, Amy Lee, would be great if she wasn't allowed to write any of the songs. I think we can work something out with her agent.

So now we have:

Vocalist: Amy Lee
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Stevie Ray Vaughan
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Michael McDonald

[Epee_Pox]

I am sorry to report that, in this alternate history, Stevie Ray Vaughan has just succumbed to an overdose of heroin. He will be sorely missed.

We were going to hold auditions for his replacement after a respectful period had passed, but the young Prince (you know, the one who still knew how to play guitar, before he got famous) practically begged for the chance, and we couldn't say no.

So now the band is

Vocalist: Amy Lee
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Pre-fame Prince
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Michael McDonald

[Zilverzmurfen]

"Michael McDonald has decided to give up his music career and go back to his family company to fry hamburgers. He says now he will finally do what his parents stopped him from doing when he was young.

He will be replaced by a guy who actually knows how to play the keyboard -- Jean-Michel Jarre."

Vocalist: Amy Lee
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Pre-fame Prince
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Jean-Michel Jarre

[ThatReallyHurt]

And, for a brief period, they decide to do some lighter work... some parodies, perhaps:

Vocalist: Weird Al
Guitar: Slash
Rhythm Guitar: Pre-fame Prince
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Jean-Michel Jarre

[Zilverzmurfen]

Parodies or not, you still need a good guitarist. Slash has to go. In comes James Iha to rock your socks off.

Thus:

Vocalist: Weird Al
Guitar: James Iha
Rhythm Guitar: Pre-fame Prince
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Jean-Michel Jarre

[matt9476]

I believe the Weird Al experiment has worn thin. Let's replace him with Chester Bennington from Linkin Park.

Vocalist: Chester Bennington
Guitar: James Iha
Rhythm Guitar: Pre-fame Prince
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Jean-Michel Jarre

[RebelFencer]

Parodies or not, you still need a good guitarist. has to go. In comes James Iha to rock your socks off.

Thus:

Vocalist: Weird Al
Guitar: James Iha
Rhythm Guitar: Pre-fame Prince
Bass: John Deacon
Drums: Keith Moon
Keyboard: Jean-Michel Jarre

Press Release! Apparently the band completely lost their identities due to the abuse of several mind expanding drugs. Management has decided to take the band in a new direction. The new lineup is as follows:

Vocalist: Urine (MSI)
Guitar: Alexi Laiho (Children of Bodom)
Rhythm Guitar: Jack White (White Stripes)
Bass: Les Claypool (Primus)
Drums: Lars Ulrich (Master of Puppets era)
Keyboard: Andrew W.K. (Andrew W.K)


Urine would be great in terms of general engergy and singing style for this band. Also, realistically speaking, the guitar/bass solos that would inevitably occur would give him some form of break so he isn't constantly running out of breath.

The Guitar/Rhythm Guitar/Bass section are meant to function as a unit. Laiho is a fan of shredding, so it is necessary to have talented Bass and Rhythm guitar players to give the music some tempo and groove... as well as to back him up. MoP era Lars would hold it down very well on drums and Andrew W.K. is one of the few Keyboard players I can think of who could seem legitimately at home with the style of music that would inevitably come out of this.

And I just realized I threw five very competent singers into one band. Sweet.

[Have At You]

Alexi kept missing rehearsals, had to let him go.

Fortunately, 1979-era David Gilmour was visiting the studio, and we signed him right up.

Vocalist: Urine (MSI)
Guitar: David Gilmour (c. 1979)
Rhythm Guitar: Jack White (White Stripes)
Bass: Les Claypool (Primus)
Drums: Lars Ulrich (Master of Puppets era)
Keyboard: Andrew W.K. (Andrew W.K)