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suterces · 05-24-2007, 03:01 AM

Hi parents,

I was refereeing at a low level (not many rated fencers) junior event this past weekend and it was interesting seeing how some parents try to encourage the fencers during a bout. Some of the parents probably never fenced before, but they were yelling out things like "set it up!" on the side anyway.

So my question is, what is your experience with encouraging the fencer during a competition? How much fencing knowledge or experience do you have? How did the fencer respond?

Just curious. And someone wanted more posts in here anyway.

Peach · 05-24-2007, 07:02 AM

My experience is that my daughter would like me as far away from the strip as possible. Preferably in another state.

fencing freakster · 05-24-2007, 03:30 PM

My son wants me to hold the water and say nothing, pretend I am not there, but be there if he's emotionally destroyed, to quietly comfort him with out anyone noticing. Sometimes, I have to leave to be quiet as I am LOUD by nature as I was born a freak.

However, then he complains that I wasn't there for him........
My daughter, on the other hand, LOVES to be cheered for and responds to it. Although, not by me...that distracts her....but if no one else is there, she prefers me over nobody...... She clearly perks up when people call out, as long as it's not specific directions. Her name and "Go!" or "Finish" seem to be effective...she likes to fence for an audience...
it sounds like the parents you are talking about bothered you....you imply a certain ignorance, but you never know, they may be doing what their child has encouraged......

Phincer · 05-24-2007, 08:37 PM

In the beginning we cheered, but he eventually told us it was distracting (read embarassing). We are there, and if he knows where we are, we get a special salute at the beginning of DE bouts.

I'll ask if there's anything he wants us to do. Most of the time its nothing. Usually I'm behind him and off to the side filming if there's room. Sometimes emotions take over and there's a wild "good" after a really nice set-up or one of those sweet hand touches no one feels.

Like freakster said, there are some parents out there who may have fenced before, and even though the kid is unrated, those parents may know what they are talking about.

Everyone has to start somewhere.

sleepyweasle · 05-24-2007, 09:20 PM

At first we were not allowed to watch. Then we were allowed to bring food & drink, watch and cheer quietly. Now I am allowed (actually required) to give a quick "good luck, etc." before the bout, cheer quietly during the bout, and - if & ONLY if her coach is not present - give a few quick words of advice during the DE break while I bring a beverage. I AM allowed to console AFTER she has dealt with any loss on her own. And I am certainly allowed to cheer LOUDLY and take pics for any medals.

RITFencing · 05-26-2007, 10:27 PM

When I was younger, my parents kept their own involvement in my fencing pretty limited... they would drive me to stuff when I didn't have a ride/license, pay for lessons, watch me fence and clap, but that was it. That's more or less how I preferred it. I don't understand how kids whose parents record all the scores, carry their stuff, shout advice, argue with refs, etc, put up with it all. I'd go insane. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Nowadays, on the rare occasion that they watch me fence, I'm fine with them being loud. I like a nice loud cheering section for both fencers; lots of energy, so long as everyone realizes that the competition is between the fencers. Cheering = good. Jeering = bad.

Babs the Cat · 05-26-2007, 10:35 PM

Here's something that bothers me: parents who run around like slaves at tournaments for their kids. I have even seen parents wait in 45-60 min lines at a NAC to get the gear checked out at the armory, while the kid is nowhere to be seen. There will be plenty of time to warm up later, Junior! And get your own sandwich, while you're at it!

I even saw a mom give up her seat to her fat kid once at practice, when he had a "water break" between drills.

Don't spoil your kids!

Peach · 05-26-2007, 11:23 PM

OTOH, I've had parents tell me my kid should be carrying her own equipment . . . because they assumed I was the mom and not the fencer.

Phincer · 05-27-2007, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babs the Cat

Here's something that bothers me: parents who run around like slaves at tournaments for their kids. I have even seen parents wait in 45-60 min lines at a NAC to get the gear checked out at the armory, while the kid is nowhere to be seen. There will be plenty of time to warm up later, Junior! And get your own sandwich, while you're at it!

I even saw a mom give up her seat to her fat kid once at practice, when he had a "water break" between drills.

Don't spoil your kids!

Yes, there's a fine line between supporting your child and spoiling...in the beginning you set the example, reinforce the habits you want your child to develop, keeping in mind the development of a responsible adult may take a while. All the while asking-'do you want help with this or do you have it?' from the age of about 14 up. I received plenty of flak for this very approach.

I knew we were supporting and not spoiling when at his latest NAC, I woke up with a raging case of food poisoning and kiddo got himself to breakfast, the venue, checked in, mask checked, warmed up and through two pool bouts before I could drag myself to the venue.

sleepyweasle · 05-27-2007, 12:37 PM

Since, for economic reasons, we've had to start sending our kid alone to a few of the NACs (rooming with a friend, of course) we know she's got the skills to carry on perfectly without us. She only lets us "spoil" her when we're there to give us something to do to keep us busy so we leave her alone and don't bug her too much.

suterces · 05-27-2007, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fencing freakster

it sounds like the parents you are talking about bothered you....you imply a certain ignorance, but you never know, they may be doing what their child has encouraged......

I didn't mean to sound like I was annoyed. Sorry if I offended anyone. I was just a little amused watching parents cheering on for their kids.

Although I could remember one time that I don't particularly agree with the way the parents cheered. The kid fencer was unrated, fencing a bout with a strong B rated fencer. The parents yelled on the side, "Kill her! You can do it! Go go go! Kill! Kill her!" .....

alexafencergirl · 06-07-2007, 12:08 AM

To be honest, I tune out everything except my coaches voice anyway.

fatfencer · 06-08-2007, 12:06 PM

It's best if a parent does almost nothing. The child must learn what does or doesn't distract him or her from winning. There's nothing more embarrassing than a parent screaming "kill!!!" or something.

Also it helps them learn self reliance and how not to buckle under pressure.

Good things parents/non-fencing spouses do: get drinks, carry bags, offer no fencing specific advice, get thru armory lines, etc.

Let the child focus on fencing, the advice and training from the coach. Let the coach provide whatever mental mindset training or cues or whatever.

In a world that's soooo ADD its really helpful and refreshing to a child to actually be incontrol of what stimuli is being added to his/her mind.

Anything a parent says that isn't positive, given all those hormones coarsing thru the veins, gets driven deep into the psyche... and since parents tend to live vicariously thru their kids competitive experience, they tend to say and do things not necessarily valuable. Not always of course but you do see this a lot. Parents are valuable to be sure, but not usually in the way they'd LIKE to be involved.

Parents who are smart recognize this and help the child establish before events what and what not to say and do. This helps the child to be free of carrying their parents as a mental/emotional burden. You can't think FOR your kid, and its the coaches job to teach the student how to think about fencing.

Once things coaches should never allow is children to be disrespectful to their parents. Any signs of obvious rudeness or lack of control should be dealt with immediately. Pushups... lots of pushups.

Fatfencer

Mo · 06-09-2007, 05:18 PM

The best way to deal with YOUR kids at meets is to ask them what they want. As long as they don't tell you to climb in a hole and pull the cover over it, most anything should be acceptable.

We are paying for the kids to fence. We have the investment of time, money, lack of life on our part and everything else. It should be ok to simply watch or to shoot video.

Blindly following a coach's advice is stupid. Travel with your kids, be a part of their lives. Childhood is fleeting. Too much can happen to your kiddo if they are going somewhere with a coach who thinks he/she knows how to be a parent but is really clueless. There is plenty of time for your child to grow up. They don't need to do it when they are under 18.

You will be glad you did.

The Momster

amia · 06-17-2007, 01:38 AM

thanks for your inputs. I though my son wanted active support. From all your reactions I understood that most prefer silent distant support. I asked him what he prefered and he said both are ok but when I presured him for answer I understood he also prefered what you describred...

archer1960 · 07-02-2007, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phincer

I knew we were supporting and not spoiling when at his latest NAC, I woke up with a raging case of food poisoning and kiddo got himself to breakfast, the venue, checked in, mask checked, warmed up and through two pool bouts before I could drag myself to the venue.

Yep, that's a good indication that you've done a good job as a sports parent!

D

3x1 · 07-08-2007, 10:08 AM

Yes, in the beginning I was one of those Fencing Dads. We had three fencing at one time, thankfully all sabre, at different levels. I never, ever told them how to fence as my knowledge was minimal at best (being kind to myself) when they started to go to NAC's. Now I know enough LOL, to see when their attacks are falling short, they are moving too fast or too slow and a few other real basic things. Do I tell themafter the bout? No, I let them bring up the subject with me if they want to. Then I give my thoughts. I feel that I have gained their respect as they are willing to talk about the bout and hear my comments without them "going off the wall." All I asked and still ask them to do is hustle, do their best, think and as their coach says, "Don't be stupid." Now I just stand back, watch, live through their bouts emotionally, and praise them when they do a good action...God forbid they fence stupid. Sorry for the length of the post.

Nicksmom · 07-09-2007, 11:43 AM

I will be the first to admit that I know NOTHING about fencing, except what I have heard from what has been said while watching my son. (he's 6, can't drive yet, so I have to go). I ask him if he wants me to stay or come back and pick him up, so far it's been to stay, but not in the same room. I'm ok with that. Hopefully, I'll be able to support him the way he wants as he gets older.
Brianna

RITFencing · 07-14-2007, 02:42 PM

Brianna, you already ARE supporting your son how he wants.

That may change as he gets older, and it may not, but he knows that you're there if he needs you without being so close you smother him, you drive him around, you pay for his equipment, tournaments and lessons and I'm sure you provide encouragement before and after the fact.

It may not look like it, but I'm sure you're already doing a whole lot.

sabregrrrl · 07-20-2007, 12:26 PM

The mental preparation aspect that was brought up is so vitally important, especially for kids who listen carefully to everything their parents say, whether they admit it or not.

We have a teenage fencer who has a mother that is very negative about life in general and who often brings her daughter to tournaments in a very poor mental state. It takes the fencer so long sometimes to get out of the mental funk that there is hardly any time left to warmup.

Parents, please, please, please realize that you have such an impact on your child before they even get to the venue. The attitude you project will influence their performance.