For Sale or Trade - Half-Finished Dissertation

[qatet]

Are you trying for that fashionable bald look but not sure how to get started? This is a great incentive to tear your hair out in chunks.

Are your friends telling you that you look too healthy? This is guaranteed to put those bags firmly under your eyes.

Are you starting to get a bit cocky with your fencing? Take this baby on and you, too, can miss weeks of training and bid farewell to your qualifying events.

The wonderful product that can deliver these fantastic results can be yours for the low price of - enh, who am I kidding? Anybody want a half-finished dissertation? I'll trade it for a chocolate chip cookie.

Anybody?

Anybody?

Bueller?

[jfarmer]

Sorry, my wife is working through the (hopefully) final edits on hers. And since I've sworn off going back to school (except to get my Fencing Masters) I doubt that I could find a use for it...

John Farmer
Coach, Oak Ridge Fencers Club

[Peach]

The great joy of successfully defending my dissertation was the realization that I would NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.

[lefty_monster]

Sorry, dude. No one is going to trade a chocolate chip cookie for your problems.

Nice try, though.

[JEC]

The great joy of successfully defending my dissertation was the realization that I would NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.

This is sooo true! I wrote my PhD thesis every fourth night for a year during my medicine internship (being on-call every 4th night). I started in June and defended in May. Believe me, you despise it until after your successful defense.

[jfarmer]

The great joy of successfully defending my dissertation was the realization that I would NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.

The scary thing is that I have met people that have done it more than once. IE, earned 2 or more PhD's.... They seemed like normal sane human beings, but I've always had my doubts....

John Farmer
Coach, Oak Ridge Fencers Club

[qatet]

Sorry, dude. No one is going to trade a chocolate chip cookie for your problems.

Nice try, though.

Hunh. I'm a dude now. Cool.

And you don't quite get it... this is no problem - this is the opportunity of a lifetime. What's the tough part of writing something? Getting started! Therefore, I have started the journey for you. It is now up to you to decipher the logic presented thus far and carry it forth to support a conclusion of your own choosing. If you like, you could think of it as a cross between MadLibs and Choose-Your-Own-Adventure!

Complete the sucker and imagine the looks on your future friends'/spouse's/kids' face(s) when you proclaim that famous phrase... "Trust me, I'm a doctor!"

[pokey]

It's not that I don't want your dissertation. I'm sure it's wonderful and all.

But I just really really like this chocolate chip cookie I have more. It's so delicious.

[RITFencing]

Qatet, I'd be glad to finish up your dissertation for you, but if you want any hope of getting that PhD, keep it out of my hands. I'd just come up with 200 pages of half truths, fantastic lies, rambling stories that don't go anywhere, threatening references to the UN, all work and no play makes Sean a dull boy, plans to blow up the sun, stories of unicorns and whatever other alcohol induced gibberings I can come up with.

[seven6ty]

What's the disertation about?

[pokey]

On the other hand, maybe you can convince RITFencing to illustrate your thesis with one of his drawings.

[RITFencing]

On the other hand, maybe you can convince RITFencing to illustrate your thesis with one of his drawings.

I think that's usually used as an "or else."

[qatet]

Hee. In comparison with the images that I have to see in my research, there's not much that RIT could create that would be more horrifying. Nothing quite as much fun as constantly reading books with hideously racist images in public.

I'm writing about blxackxfaxce in Hoxllxywxooxd muxsixcaxls for a muxsixc hixstxorxy department, but I think I'm getting a degree in how to get an Ivy League university to pay for five years of coaching education. Don't tell.

(xs added because I'm a bit paranoid about my department learning just how much time I devote to fencing. Something tells me they'd be horrified by that last claim. I basically never mention the fact that I fence or coach, and I'm sure that they think I'm a relative slacker, not understanding that I have this entire double life. It's true. I'm a total slacker. Slackers work steadily from 8AM to 2AM for weeks on end. Mommas, don't let your kids grow up to be grad students.)

[RITFencing]

Hee. In comparison with the images that I have to see in my research, there's not much that RIT could create that would be more horrifying.

That sounds like a challenge.

[pokey]

That sounds like a challenge.

And I thought I was the only one who read it that way.