True Confessions

[Windsetter]

I admit to singing Karaoke with a couple of my friends this last weekend. We did "Knights of the Round Table" (Monty Python) and "Shiver my timber" (Muppet Treasure Island)

[DE_Strip_Tease]

I actually wondered where Neinteen had gone to...

please forgive me

[Aussie_Fencer]

I miss Australia

[Nicksmom]

I miss neinteen, where is she?

[pigeonmeister]

I have kidnapped Neinteen.

[Go? Fencing?]

I may have just fallen in love with pigeonmeister.

[pigeonmeister]

I may be planning a trip to Paris!

[Go? Fencing?]

Really? When?

[sneakattack]

The other day when I went to the fencing.net page it automatically logged me in as remistress. There must have been some rogue cookie from back when she logged on using my computer while I was making her renaissance costume. Anyway, I suddenly felt this rush of power at my fingertips! There were so many evil things I could do....

Alas, I couldn't bring myself to do any of them, so all I did to show I was there was to change her E06 to an E07 in her profile since she never got around to doing it herself. The USFA apparently hasn't either because they still show her as an E06 when she has been an E07 since June!

[parrythis]

I miss my parents. They have both passed away. This time of year reminds me of them with every holiday song I hear because when I was young they made this the best time of year. It is deeply ingrained in my memory and my emotions.

I used to think that as I grew older I started hating this time of year because it was so over-commercialized, but now I realize that I have been resenting the fact that with the passing of the years I no longer have the simple wonder and awe of a child.

[matt9476]

My father died four years ago today. This makes celebrating Christmas difficult. He was such a Christmas person, it doesn't seem right without him here.

[Fencergrl]

We never forget Matt, but it does get easier.

[Fencergrl]

It's funny that these comments were posted this morning. I was laying in bed less than an hour ago, thinking about my mom and missing her a little.

[Nicksmom]

I get very down at this time of year. My mom died (her funeral was on Christmas eve) 3 years ago, then my dad got real sick, so I helped take care of him. My Grandmother died less than a year after my mom, then my dad died on the following Mother's day. I would love to crawl into a hole, but I can't. I have two kids that believe in Santa and the good in people so.....I have all gifts purchased, most wrapped, christmas cards sent, gingerbread made. Over the next two days I'll build two houses for the kids to decorate and make cookies, candy and biscotti.

[Fencergrl]

This morning, I was thinking about how nice it felt when I was little hugging my mom. As I wrote my last post (above) I was thinking about not only how nice it was to hug my nieces and nephews but also how nice it must be for them.

Life is about enjoying our time here and the people in our lives. While it's important (and human) to grieve it's also important to celebrate the joy with those around us.

It's a good thing Nicksmom you have your kids around you. Getting through the first few years of grieving a loss would be much tougher with out them. Enjoy the moment and give your kids memories they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

[TBean]

I'm just not feeling the holiday spirit - I miss having a family to go see. My mother divorced my step-father and since then he, my step-sisters and grandmother (step) have not bothered to do anything to keep in touch. I gave up trying when my efforts were never returend. That does not surprise me because in my heart I knew that would happen, it is just sad when it really comes true because you want something different. My Mom has always been distant, so the holidays feel loney sometimes.

Being married to someone who is a reluctant participant in Christmas merriment - my husband is Jewish - does not help either. Christmas is a low-key event in our house, even with a child who believes in Santa and all - it is just not as much fun I remember. Perhaps that is just a part of not being a kid, but it seems like it should just be more festive, that my heart should be in more. Maybe getting the tree up and getting my cards out will help - we'll see.

[Go? Fencing?]

My cat died two years ago on December 18... which also happens to be my boyfriend's birthday.

[the maple epee]

Oh my God. This thread. It's getting ridiculously depressing.

[Nicksmom]

It's cathartic.

[Meteoric Iron]

This story was told in Swedish.

"When I was five years old, my heart was broken. I think there is nothing that has happened in my life since then that has hurt as deeply.
It was when my grandmother passed away. She had always been at our house, sitting on the little couch in the corner of her room, and telling us stories.
I remember doing nothing else in my life, except listening to her stories, day and night, all of us children sitting quietly and listening. What a wonderful life that was! We were the luckiest children in the world!
I don't even remember my grandmother that well. I know she had white, white hair, and she was bent over, and that she was always knitting socks.
But I do remember that she would always, when she got to the end of a story, lay her hand gently on top of my head and say to me: "This is really true, as true as it is that I can see you and you can see me."
I seem to remember her singing songs, too, but not every day, and she taught me some verses and a little prayer.
I honestly can't remember her stories clearly enough to tell them--but, there is one--yes, one that is so clear I could tell it to you today.
You can see that I don't have important facts to recount about this woman. But I can't convey to you the deep sadness that entered my heart when she passed away.
I remember being led into the room where the empty sofa stood, unable to conceive what would happen during the hours that would make up the day, without her there.
And I remember how we children were made to go and kiss the hand of our grandmother, and how scared and uneasy I was, and we were told we must thank our grandmother at the end of her life for all the joy she had given us.
And I remember, now, how from that day fairy tales and songs disappeared from our house, taken away in a long, black casket, and how they never came again.
I remember that something disappeared from my life. It was, as if a door to a beautiful, enchanting world closed, and I could no longer go freely and innocently in and out. And there was noone anymore who understood and had the time to open it again.
And I remember that we children gradually learned to play with our toys and take care of dolls, and play with other children as well. You might have thought we didn't miss our grandmother--didn't even have memories of how it had been before.
But I tell you, even now, after forty years, as I sit here and write this to you, this one story from my grandmother wakes up out of a long sleep in me. Listen: this really happened: "

(...and then the story begins) ...... to be continued. ?