Dumb Boyfriends

[ReverseLunge]

The following is a messed up story about how jealous men don't care about their women. The other day I was in downtown buying some stuff and as I was walking down the street i noticed big crowd of people gathered in a circle. It turned out that some girl fainted and stopped breathing. Her boyfriend was kneeing down next to her in a panic and screaming out for help.

Nobody knew what to do so I volunteered to help since I know CPR. Well the girl didn't seem to be responding to my mouth-to-mouth and it seemed as though her heart stopped beating so I started massaging her breasts in order to get the blood going. That's when her stupid boyfriend grabs me by the shoulder and asks me what I was doing. Right in the middle of CPR! I was like, "Hey man, I'm trying to get the blood circulating here so do you want her to live or do you want her to die?" He was like,"Uhhhhhh????", so then I was like "Well then back off man!"

Anyways, the girl coughed up some meat she had stuck in her throat from a steak sandwich and she is OK now.

In case this ever happens to any one here, I want you guys to know that you should never interrupt someone while they are preforming CPR and that there is nothing sexual about massaging a woman breasts during CPR in order to get the blood flowing into the capillaries and stuff. Think about the last time you massaged a woman's breasts. Didn't it get the blood flowing to her heart pretty fast?

[JackSparrow]

[quote=ReverseLunge;538444] Anyways, the girl coughed up some meat she had stuck in her throat from a steak sandwich and she is OK now. [quote]

So lets get this straight. She's was choking on a steak sandwich and your answer was to massage her breasts?

[Teme]

The kind of CPR I was taught starts with clearing airways and then proceeds to break-the-ribgace-strength chest compressions.

RL's way seems more interesting, I must admit. To train for, that is -- otherwise it's too close to "date rape" or outright necrophilia...

[ReverseLunge]

[quote=JackSparrow;538475][quote=ReverseLunge;538444] Anyways, the girl coughed up some meat she had stuck in her throat from a steak sandwich and she is OK now.

So lets get this straight. She's was choking on a steak sandwich and your answer was to massage her breasts?

By stimulating a woman's nipples and mammary glands you get the blood circulating. When you massage a woman's breast the blood goes to her heart real fast and that's what helps bring her back. Since her nose was like stuffed up I couldn't force any air in through there so I had to go to phase two of avanced CPR and if that didn't work I would have to go to phase three and pull her unconscious a$$ up and do the Hindlick Manoeuvre.

[ReverseLunge]

Originally Posted by Teme

The kind of CPR I was taught starts with clearing airways and then proceeds to break-the-ribgace-strength chest compressions.

I never said I am certified. I am not. I learned CPR from a picture manual. I still remember the first time I had to preform CPR. It was on a girl who was passed out and had her face beat up to a pulp. I mean her face looked like pulverized

She was a girl that my roommate was dating who had epilepsy. One time while she was giving him oral sex in his room, she went into a seizure and locked her jaw on his penis. The pain was so intense that he no choice but to punch her a million times in the face to get her off.

And when these people go into seizures they feel no pain.

[RebelFencer]

[quote=JackSparrow;538475][quote=ReverseLunge;538444] Anyways, the girl coughed up some meat she had stuck in her throat from a steak sandwich and she is OK now.

So lets get this straight. She's was choking on a steak sandwich and your answer was to massage her breasts?

Sounds about right to me.