The 'You Know You Fence Too Much When..' Thread

[Sciurus-Rex]

Originally Posted by pokey

YKYFTMW:

* You offer to shake hands with your client during a business meeting with your non-weapon hand.

I've done that a few times.

YKYFTMW
... you start to lean across the dinner table to reach the mashed potatoes and collapse into a fleche.
... rather than swat at an errant fly buzzing through the room, you poke at it with anything long and pointy you can reach (pens, pencils, broom handles).
... you're surprised that it hurts when you bump your head (on the car door frame, on a shelf in the house, etc.) because your mask didn't absorb the impact.
... impatiently waiting in line at the local Mega-Lo Mart, you start practicing short advances and retreats.
... between tasks at work, you pencil your friends into fantasy pools and brackets and imagine how they would fence off against each other.

[Sciurus-Rex]

... listening to two people bicker, you give hand signals to award points and describe successful counter-arguments. ("Logical fallacy from my left, parry-riposte arrives on topic. Touch right.")

[Aussie_Fencer]

YKYFTMW you walk with your back foot tilted sideways.

[MessiahFencing]

Originally Posted by Aussie_Fencer

YKYFTMW you walk with your back foot tilted sideways.

That may just be...being crippled...

YKYFTMW:

You write a 4 page letter to Blizzard demanding the "Fencer" Be a choosable class in world of warcraft and that the warrior is a pale example...

Not saying i did, just saying that if i did, i would know i fenced too much...

[Aussie_Fencer]

YKYFTMW you think they should make a fencing game for the Wii.

It isnt that bad of an idea though is it.

[remistress]

Actually there is fencing on the Wii...well sort of. A sad excuse for it exists as a mini-game on Warioware, called "Get the point?". *apparently* footwork isn't necessary to fence, however large pieces of fruit, high heels, and chairs are integral to the sport.


YKYFTM when you post on the YKYFTM thread about fencing mini-games on the Wii.

[Aussie_Fencer]

Thats not really fencing though. you dont need any real skill to do that. I want to see an actual modern day fencing type game.

YKYFTMW you yell people that stab you with a pencil that they were off target, and then demonstrate on them the proper way to conduct a lunge, and show them where a valid target area is.

[D'Art]

Originally Posted by remistress

*apparently* footwork isn't necessary to fence, however large pieces of fruit, high heels, are integral to the sport.

Have you been getting lessons from an eeper again?

[remistress]

lmao d'art lmao

[MessiahFencing]

Originally Posted by remistress

Actually there is fencing on the Wii

Your see only that and immedietly leave and go buy a wii for one game

[Angwilwileth]

Not my work, just stuff resurrected from a previous thread on this subject...


-you try to zip up a normal jacket on your non dominant side
-you always reach into your back non dominant pocket for stuff
-(girls only) you go to put on a chest protector instead of a bra in the morning
-you think it's normal to be attached to live wires and be holding a long metal object!
-you salute to your friends instead of wave to them when someone says: "Your zipper's down" and you look over at your shoulder, not down. Instead of having a left and a right leg, you have front and rear ones.
and weapon and non-weapon arms!
You cringe when someone refers to a foil/epee/sabre as a "sword"
Whenever you're presented with a task that carries a risk of injury, you do it readily with your non-weapon arm.
-when you have to take a big step, you lunge instead.
-start seeing the shadow of mesh even when you are not wearing a mask
-you bounce a lot when you walkYou have bun of steel.
when you start walking in an on guard position.
-When a cop hands you a speeding ticket and you say you want to "appeal to the bout committee!" You know your a fencer when you start to swap licks with a sibling and come on gaurd- and start parying and lunging with the punches! If I ever get in a fistfight I'd better just run!

You know your a fencing family when....
You are running practice and the entire class breaks up laughing because your 16 month old is behind you doing lunges when you call lunge...
and she has better form than some of them...
Your daughter prefers lexan masks so she can see mommy when mommy gives lessons...
She manages to put on one of the plastic beepie masks...without help....
At tournaments she you have to be carefull cause she goes around picking up weapons lying on the strips to put them away in the bag cause weapons dont belong on the floor...
You say halt at home when she goes running off...
and she stops dead in her tracks
I am in sooo much trouble in a couple of years....

you approach a felow fencer and instead of saying HI or shaking hands, you raise your weapon arm, index finger extended, perform a decieving action and finish with a disengage to his target area..
people hear you're a fencer and twist their other hand up poking you with the other -- you parry the poke before you know what you're doing. If your brain kicks in before your reposte arrives, you know you're a good fencer

... your non-fencing parents start to pick-up fencing terms.
Severity of injuries to depend on whether it affects your fencing.
Did that dog just bite your arm? Yeah, but its okay, it wasnt my fencing arm.
Or when you launder your clothes, you make sure that your jacket, plastron and knickers are hanging in a prime spot where they can dry first.
..you riposte to insults.
...you do footwork while waiting.
...you feint-disengage the cat. Repeatedly.
...you feint-disengage the dog. Repeatedly.
...you do bladework with your pen/pencil. you award touche's with appropriate hand signals during conversations with friends

you only poke other people on target
when someone pokes your arm and you yell 'off target!'
You fence all the time, even in your dreams.
You're in the mob to catch the garter at a friend's wedding, and the photo catches you reaching out for it via a lunge....
for right handed people: your right side is noticeably more muscular than your left. You check the oil on the car, and are suddenly possessed with the urge to fence with the dipstick.
all of your bruieses are small ish and round!!
and they get really weird looks when you have a cluster of them on your arm and you and your friend start comparing war wounds
you semi-dream that you lunge, and your entire back leg snaps straight, waking you up.
Double whammy: I'm no longer asleep, and I'm not actually fencing.
When you automatically go into an en garde position when you're standing in a moving bus or subway train, because it's the easiest way to keep your balance...
When you tie up the cords for every single appliance you own like they're body cords.
When you tie up the cords for every single appliance you own like they're body cords.

• You have a seperate drawer in your dresser for tournament shirts, of which you have more than any other item of clothing, including underwear.
  
  2. You can actually see a tip screw.
  
  3. Your last present for your mom or wife or any other girl you know has been earrings that look like fencers or a necklace that says "Number 1 Fencing Mom."
  
  4. You have a preference of hotels to stay at in Atlanta, Sacramento, etc, because you have been there sooo often.
  
  5. Your ear starts ringing and you instantly recognize it as a touch.
  
  6. The refs can actually pronounce your name (okay, so I haven't achieved that one yet).
  
  7. When asked to name your role model, you name Romankov, for example, to the confusion of all around you.
  
  8. You have no trouble getting up at 6 AM on a Saturday or a Sunday.
  
  9.You go to fencing on the day of your Bat Mitzvah, between the service and the party (my parents didn't like that one).
  
  10. Instead of measuring, you refer to things as "about the size of a 5 blade" or "just a bit taller than _____ (*fill in with name of a fencer*)"

[D'Art]

Bat Mitzvah? I always had you down for being female....

[SSMSabreMN]

Originally Posted by D'Art

Bat Mitzvah? I always had you down for being female....

I'm totally not sure if you're being sarcastic here... but last time I checked Bat Mitzvah was for a girl.. and Bar Mitzvah was for a guy.

Then again you might be aware of that in which case I'll just go off to my corner again...

[Go? Fencing?]

Bat is for a girl, Bar for a boy (and the plural is B'nai).

[MessiahFencing]

well if Angwilwileth is your name, i can see the pronunciation difficulties.

Lol d'Art. YKYFTMW you look at F.net as a dating site...

[die Fechterin]

* when you fill out an application of things you currently do and the only thing you can think of to put down is fencing.

*when you quit your job so you had enough time to study because you just couldn't cut down on the fencing hours.

*when you quit a real job because coaching/teaching beginning classes pays more for fewer hours.

*when the HS counselors ask you if your boyfriend is abusing you due to massive bruises.

*when breadsticks at Italian restaurants become weapons...very messy ones.

*when you're driving on the highway and you and the driver hit each other for seeing a "Slugbug" or "Cruiser Bruiser" and you need the guy in the back seat to establish right of way.

*when someone seems interested in the fact that you are a fencer and you decide to give them an entire beginning lesson (usually in the middle of a store) because you're so excited.

*when you begin to do push-ups and other pectoral exercises to build up muscle so it won't hurt as much because guys always miss the freakin' chest protector!

*when Zorro's (or any other bladed hero) is no longer exciting, but messy and unrealistic.

[Angwilwileth]

Originally Posted by D'Art

Bat Mitzvah? I always had you down for being female....

I am. If you'd read the disclaimer at the beginning you would have realized that the post was not my own work, but a compilation of many other people's.

[Lucifer]

Ok, YOu know you fence too much when...

...you can't poke your three-year old in the belly without doing a feint-disengage.
...you no longer switch lanes, instead you disengage.
...your kids start sword-fighting with chopsticks and you stop to correct their footwork before confiscating the chopsticks.