The 'You Know You Fence Too Much When..' Thread

[restlesscheese]

YKYFTMW you realize that you extend to grab things rather than reaching for them. (happened to me today)

[remistress]

YKYFTM when you become an armorer to support your *habit*

YKYFTM when people no longer ask if you "fell down the stairs" due to the constant bruises you seem to be plagued with.

[Asprin]

When the only hoody you can find is your uni fencing one.

[The Chaotic Wind]

YKYFTM when you drive with two feet

YKYFTM when your friend hits your arm, leg, face or anything other than your chest or simply slide off and either a. hit them saying they wer eflat or b. take the hit and say "off target" before punching them in the stomach.

YKYFTM when someone bigger than you is moving full speed towards you and you hit them anyways because there arm wasn't extended.

YKYFTM when you're at school, here the bell ring and go on guard and poke and when someone steps in front of you to ask why you poke them

YKYFTM when your friends either a. looka t you funny cu they don't knwo what you sjut said in fencing terms or b. tell you to shut up and stop tlaking about fencing.

YKYFTM when you see people fighting and shout "tuck in your shirt"

Thats all i can think of right now....

[Charles Shapiro]

Yeah, many of these have been posted before. This is a list I made up on another site.

# You keep advance-lunge distance during marital or business quarrels
# Yard work and house moving don't make you sore. You're ALWAYS sore.
# You've given and gotten bruises from most of your friends.
# When you meet a stranger for the first time, your first thought is 'I could take him.'
# You try to look pudgy and slow so people will underestimate you.
# You're used to spending Saturday night recovering from Saturday afternoon.
# You worry more about getting enough to eat than about getting too much.
# Your cubicle at work features a large collection of 2nd and 3rd place medals
# You have to hold your hand over your mouth during the fencing scenes at a movie.
# Your Significant Other doesn't mind guns around the house.. but won't let you keep a sword.
# On being given an antique sword, your first impulse is to try it out -- but you find you can't hold it properly.
# You carry your USFA card laminated in your wallet -- and try to use it as ID.
# You have trouble finding pants which fit both legs.
# You can rewire a foil or epee faster than you can change your oil.
# The last time you tried to play swords with a rolled-up newspaper, you nearly killed your opponent.
# Your dreams are filled with clanks and thuds.

[Chafunkta]

YKYFTM when you slice your finger while cutting vegetables, and shrug it off because it's just your off hand.

YKYFTM when you have a front and rear leg.

[jbenjamin]

you know you fence too much when you do NOTHING but look at fencing on the internet.. btw.. right now, apart from typing this, I'm on Leon Paul's website...

[SabreFerret]

YKYFTMW:

you follow witty comebacks with "attack is parried, riposte arrives," complete with hand signals.

your jeans don't fit both legs the same way.

you smash your hand in the door and then say, "Oh, it's ok, it's not my weapon hand."

your professors have stopped asking what you're doing when you're practicing your parries with your pencil.

you advance lunge to the fridge and then recover to open it.

your door has little round dents from practicing your distance and point control.

you wear sneakers with your skirt suit because you have a tournament coming up on the weekend and you don't want blisters.

you dont feel dorky for posting on this thread.

[mrbiggs]

You know you fence too much when you figure out what day it is by what fencing club you're at.

I actually did that today .

[ParryRiposte]

Along the same lines: when you figure out what day it is by how long you haven't been fencing.

[remistress]

YKYBFTM when you have devised a completely separate budget for tournament expenditures.

YKYBFTM when you look forward to graduation, for the money which you'll receive, which will help pay your way to Nationals.

You'll ****never**** guess how these two are related

[fancy for fencing]

You know you fence too much when you are reaching out for the doorhandle and think "first arm, then foot".

[ParryRiposte]

When you see a couple of the neigbourhood kids playing lightsabres on your lawn, and you yell at them because their swordsmanship sucks.

[MessiahFencing]

When you see a couple of the neigbourhood kids playing lightsabres on your lawn, and you yell at them because their swordsmanship sucks.

to add:

YKYFTMW you demand that they learn to do it properly with you as their teacher

[GuitarKid]

^haha yeah... oh the lawsuits...

[parrythis]

You know you fence too much when you're out for cocktails with your friends, somebody orders a round of martinis, and a swordfight breaks out with those little plastic sabres that hold the olives.

[Asprin]

You know you fence too much when your in a pub and someone is doing lunges and you are actually watching to try an learn something.

[Warrior Princess]

You know you fence too much when whenever someone claps twice fast and once again slightly slower, you do an advance lunge.

You know you fence too much when you have jewlry and bracelets that only fit on one arm.

You know you fence too much when you find tools and parts in your purse and can't figure out which day they got there.

You know you fence too much when you can only find lefthanded gloves in your closet because they're all in your fencing bag due to the fact that you keep getting holes in your glove and are still waiting for your new one to come from LP.

You know you fence too much when you start bringing body cords to school with you so you can fix them.

There are more, but class is over now.

[pokey]

YKYFTMW:

* You offer to shake hands with your client during a business meeting with your non-weapon hand. And fail to understand the quizzical look he gives you.

* Your significant other offers to take up fencing just to be able to actually spend more time with you.

Or a 13 year old in Y12, for the ultra-lame...

* You read the above in a thread about fencers fencing outside their birth year groups and your thoughts are, in order:
1) Ultra-lamé? Maybe he means the lightweight lamés *cognitive dissonance*
2) Oh, he must mean the ultra-slick lamés *cognitive dissonance resolved*
3) Oh. Duh. *facepalm*
4) Ooo. YKYFTM!

[SSMSabreMN]

* You read the above in a thread about fencers fencing outside their birth year groups and your thoughts are, in order:
1) Ultra-lamé? Maybe he means the lightweight lamés *cognitive dissonance*
2) Oh, he must be mean the ultra-slick lamés *cognitive dissonance resolved*
3) Oh. Duh. *facepalm*
4) Ooo. YKYFTM!

Sad thing is I totally thought ultra-lame' when I read it too! Bahh!