The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for early retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officers got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop em", which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Captain's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The Captain calmly replied..."In Vietnam."
Alright. As soon as I read this, I just- that is the most brilliant thing I ever heard in my entire life. Holy crap. I laughed so hard, you don't even know. I mean, holy **** man. I couldn't give rep, so I had to write this. Just brilliant.
New Topic:
How many medals, trophies, swords, ribbons, etc. do you have?
How many of those are for fencing?
What places (Gold, Silver, ..., 8th) are they for?
What events are they for?
Andre Moreau: I fall in love constantly, indiscriminately! The effect is the same as if I never fell in love at all.
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Originally Posted by BALBOS
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Of course I love you more. 
