parents just don't understand

[fencingfoolfour]

heres the deal..........my parents have NO idea how much dedication it takes to be a good fencer.

i have allready forfieted fencing on wednsday nights until mid - may because i got a huge load of tests...that is understandable....but...i just got my report card. - not very good to say the least...so now i gotta stop fencing on saturday morning s also...until the end of JUNE!!!! when school is over. Also my mother seems to think that my coach..who is the very best in the area is just sme guy and i can take lessons from him anytime i want. She doesnt understand the word COMMITMENT....anyone know how i can make her understand?...please HELP!

[damianip]

I hate to say this but to prove how dedicated you are, you have to improve your grades. Make a commitment to improve your grades to show you deserve the opportunity to fence.

As important I think fencing is for the development of discipline and improvement of analytical skills, school must come first.

My son who is sixteen is subject to the same rules, and I am very much aware of the demand his coach is in.

Sorry to be a crusty parent.

Paolo

[This message has been edited by damianip (edited 04-28-2001).]

[MHS Fencer]

Seeing as how I'm stuck in a similar quagmire I figured that I'd comment. I have to commute 1 hour to my club and another hour coming back, so my parents naturally don't like me coming home at 10 on a school night. Unfortunately this has limited my fencing experiences to Friday nights, but if I get my homework done early I can also go in on Thursdays (with getting a lesson, but it's better than nothing). Try bartering with your parents about doing your homework before going to the club. Out of curiosity, are you taking lessons from Boris?

-Ian

[Purple Fencer]

Even though I have no children (and will have none, 'cept for my cats), I must agree with Paolo here. Fencing is fun, Fencing is demanding. We all want to do it all the time.

However, it's still a game, when you get to the core of it. An education, however, lasts forever. School first, fencing second. End of story.

I would LOVE to go fencing every night of the week. If I were single, I probably would. However, I've got adult responsibilities to my wife, my job, my various creditors , etc.

In the same way, you've got kid/young adult responsibilities to your schooling. If you don't make the grades, you can't fence and get better. You make the grades, you get to fence & get better. Get the point?

Besides, in a post on another thread, I mentioned Derek Snyder getting a full 4 year + scholarchip to Notre Dame. He wouldn't have gotton that full ride if he didn't have the grades to go with the fencing skill. Even if he wins an Olympic gold medal, the degree from Notre Dame will serve him far better in the long run.

It's been said there are no truly unintelligent people in fencing. Don't waste it.

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Sam Signorelli -- Boldly going forward...'cause I can't find reverse!

[This message has been edited by Purple Fencer (edited 04-28-2001).]

[Hunbabe]

I got injured about 2 months ago. I screwed up my wrist pretty bad. My parents started getting on my case that "fencing isn't what I will earn my money with", so I should quit, because my future career is more important (my major required a lot of drafting/drawing). I said "cool". I switched to a major where I don't have to worry about injuries interfering w/ career. Now everyone is content.

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"I need a Tetanus shot merely by looking at it"

[damianip]

Originally posted by Hunbabe:
I got injured about 2 months ago. I screwed up my wrist pretty bad. My parents started getting on my case that "fencing isn't what I will earn my money with", so I should quit, because my future career is more important (my major required a lot of drafting/drawing). I said "cool". I switched to a major where I don't have to worry about injuries interfering w/ career. Now everyone is content.

And that is fine. I think one needs to be passionate about the things they do.

My requirements from my son in the choice of a career and activities are simply the following:

Be the best you can be at it.
Enjoy what you're doing
Be honest.

This goes for everything.

I guess since not everyone's parents fence, they are not so understanding of their children's passion for it.

Nonetheless, if the education is suffering, find something else to cutdown on beside the fencing. Young people can be remarkably inefficient with their time...

Paolo

[fencingfoolfour]

i know its allright to cut down on fencing. thats why i barely fought when my mom said wednsdays were a no - no. But saturday mornings....cmon! i would barely be awake...let alon studying at 11 in the morning. And most of my tests end in mid may....but for some reason my mom wants me to not fence till the end of june.........my skills will regress by then.

My report card wasnt terrible...it was one a- and then all bs....good by some standards....but not my parents.....fencing has just become a tool for them to punish me with

[Swordsworn]

I know exactly how you feel. I have an academic scholarship from my college so my parents freak when I spend so much time with fencing in addition to working. A's and B's aren't that bad at all, but your parents sound a lot like mine. 'If you don't get strait A's you're stupid' I get grades well above the minimum that I need to keep my scholarship but that doesn't deter them from using fencing against me. I don't know what to tell you. But I know how you feel.

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"The sword isn't our lives, it just keeps us alive for the really good parts" - Graham Ashe

[fencingfoolfour]

oh yeah......Boris is my coach, and i cant just show up for a lesson whenever i want to...u know

[Zelda]

FencingFoolFour,
I can see your point, and I can also see your parents point. I didnt start fencing till my 2nd year at University, so can only blame myself for any academic fo pahs related to my fencing.
Sit down and talk to your parents and your coach together. Maybe you can work out an arrangement where you fence every second Saturday and every second Wednesday night, so one week its Wednesday, one week its Saturday. I agre with you parents, academics is IMPORTANT, but also having a "stress relief" is important as well. Explain rationally ie without yelling, screaming, slamming doors, stomping up stairs to your parents that fencing is a good stress relief for you, it helps your work out the annoyances of the week in a controlled situation, and you would like the oppertunity to continue that. Now if I remember correctly 11th grade is the 2nd last year of high school. Having some sort of "release" or activity which is not related to school in any way is important. I didnt and suffered for it. Maybe also ask your coach if he could have a word to your parents, maybe say to them that a long break from fencing at this stage of your training would not be adviseable? I still believe though that you need to get all parties seated around a table and talk about it. It may seem like a pain to set up but it is the only way you will probably be able to keep fencing. Your parents have your best interests at heart, even if it doesnt seem like it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Shadow Fencer]

fencingfoolfour,
Zelda's response is full of wisdom and the problem solving approach with discussion of all involved parties will lead to a constructive outcome.

You will encounter this similar theme throughout your life and how resolution occurs with your current situation can be the foundation for future situations where there is conflict regarding your time and interests.

The words, girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, boss, etc, could be inserted into the topic instead of "parents" and the issues are similar. Negotiation. collaboration and compromise are needed for a positive resolution.

Yes, keep us posted and good luck.

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I live to fence and fence to live!!

[thebigriddle]

Well, when I was younger I was in the same boat. So I can understand. I had my mom read some of the American Fencing articles. I can totally understand. You have to take it serious to get good. I had little financial support from them when I was training. I believe to them they thought it was a waste of time. Well, now I teach fencing at a university. Just remember we all get our luck breaks. Just keep training. You can learn a lot on your own. Ask lots of question. Practice on your own. Read some books on the subject. As far as the grades, time management, set time for studying and get a tutor. I also had dyslexia, which really sucked. College was a challenge and finding time for everything else is even more of a challenge. You also need to figure out what you want to do with the rest of life. Unfortunately teaching fencing is not the high road to riches. Although there are exceptions.

[This message has been edited by thebigriddle (edited 04-29-2001).]

[arcon]

[ 10-19-2001: Message edited by: arcon ]

[Hunbabe]

Oh my,oh me...(fanning herself w/ her hands, struggling to fight back tears)...
That was so beautiful...(blows nose loudly)
Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh....

OK. I'LL STOP NOW.

See: this messageboard CAN actually be used for USEFUL stuff (like giving advice to a fellow fencer).

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"I need a Tetanus shot merely by looking at it"

[Fencing Angel]

i have the same problem. i am homescholed and if i don't or can't get all my school done on tuesdays and thrusdays i don't fence.... i have asked why and the answer is all ways because your job is to get the best education that i can at this time... but untill i get out on my own i guess they are in charge.

[darius]

From observing some of the best...it seems that the best fencers are also the best students: when you're skipping multiple weeks of school to travel to unpronounceable countries, your time-management skills better be pretty solid. There's a lesson in that -- if somebody can train 4+ days a week after school, and still make honor rolls and such, you probably can too -- it's merely a question of managing your time effectively.

School should be your #1 priority, but don't underestimate the power of other activities to get you into college -- I had fairly mediocre grades and got into all the Ivies I applied to, because I could have filled a book with extracurricular activities.

darius

[Fleche]

Yup, this is my problem as well. I'm in my first year of college, and my parents are *expecting* me to do really well. My parents are fair, and trust my judgement on whether I should be going to fencing or not. They di doubt me for a bit, but one large sacrifice (the first out of state tournament of the year) and they were happy with me going to fencing 3 times a week. Unfortunately, my parents think that with fencing and school, I shouldn't have a social life

Fleche

[space_cadet]

Originally posted by Swordsworn:
...'If you don't get strait A's you're stupid'...

By the way, it's spelled straight.


To fencingfoolfour,
Unless you plan on going to school to become a fencing maestro, then your school work is more important. Fencing is one of those sports that doesn't go anywhere career-wise unless you become a coach or teacher. I think that your parents view fencing as an extra-curricular activity that becomes a recreational activity after college. Obviously, fencing is something you seem to esteem more than education (which your parents have recognized) so your parents are using it as a manipulative tool. Bummer Dude.

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Cadet à Space

[fencingfoolfour]

heres the thing..............i KNOW school is much more important than fencing. I just kinda like fencing a lot. I know that school is something that i should nbe really working at now......but i reaaaaaaaaallllllllllllly wanna fence. The thing is that i dont think that fencing hurts my schoolwork at all. If two things are unrelated...why try to get rid of one of them? Also saturday mornings......cmon!


I agree with all of u guys....but i need advice on howto get my parents to LET ME FENCE

[Zelda]

FFF, TALK TO YOUR PARENTS AND COACH!!!!!!!! together!