A love lost, and help needed.

[Iwant2bafencer]

I just found out this morning. That someone I hold very dear passed away last night. His wife and himself have been family friends since before I was born. I didn't l
think of him just as an aquaintance or a family friend. To me he was more like a grandfather. We are helping to plan his funeral, and giving support to his loving wife. If it is alright with her (his wife) I want to give a poem or a short speach of some kind at the funeral. I was wondering if anyone knew of anything that expresses feelings such as I have described (loving him like a grandfather). If you do, and would be willing to share them. I could use all of the ideas I can get. Thank you for your help.

-----------------
Carpe Diem
Ad Asha

[Sabresque]

Something very similar happened a few months ago to me, Iwant2be (I even called this family friend grandpa, since my real one I didn't ever see)... My heart's with you, and you're in my prayers.

I don't know of any written work on the subject, was that what you were looking for?

[Zelda]

Hmm, I know what you mean wannabe. As for poems etc, let me have a look around and see what I can find.

[Iwant2bafencer]

Yes a poem or a speach or something of that sort.
Thank you for your prayers.

Thanks Zelda

-----------------
Carpe Diem
Ad Asha

<small>[ 07-28-2002, 02:02 PM: Message edited by: Iwant2bafencer ]</small>

[D'Artagnan1673]

Sorry to hear about your loss, Rosaline.

My girlfriend just lost her grandfather last week and I've been doing my best to help her get through this trying time of hers.

I am afraid that I'm not terribly good at words when it comes to things like this. I would have to have really known this person to help you.

Take care

[Zelda]

Rosaline,
Check your PM's.

[DamedEscrime]

Sorry Sweetie...I know it doesn't seem like it now, but with time, you will remember the best parts of being with your "grandpa". Then you will smile.
Love, Dame

[shyHeidi]

You know one of the worst parts about when someone dies? My dad died in a car crash back in April, everyone else involved was alright... We got a letter in the mail addressed to him from the ambulance service, and it turned out to be a survey saying something like "we care about giving good service to our customers, so please take the time to fill out this survey about the quality of the service you received" (he died while he was in the ambulance) and then the hospital keeps sending us a bill (in his name) for $7000 something dollars when he was DOA. Also the insurance guy for the other car involved kept calling and leaving rude messages telling him to call back and give them more information about the accident... etc etc etc.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and I hope that you don't have to go through any of that rediculous stuff that seems to be a constant reminder.
No clue about a poem though.
But you know, stuff always means more when you write it yourself, it's from the heart. Even if it doesn't sound quite as good, it's more meaningful. Anyway, I'll shutup now...

[counter riposte]

I am sorry to hear about your loss, and I hope that with time you shall remember all the good times that you had with this person, and share that with others.

You have to spread their story, their life, so that their experiences may live on in others.

Condolences,
Counter Riposte

[Zilverzmurfen]

<strong>You know one of the worst parts about when someone dies? My dad died in a car crash back in April, everyone else involved was alright... We got a letter in the mail addressed to him from the ambulance service, and it turned out to be a survey saying something like "we care about giving good service to our customers, so please take the time to fill out this survey about the quality of the service you received" (he died while he was in the ambulance) and then the hospital keeps sending us a bill (in his name) for $7000 something dollars when he was DOA. Also the insurance guy for the other car involved kept calling and leaving rude messages telling him to call back and give them more information about the accident... etc etc etc.</strong>[/QUOTE]

That's just terrible! I can't imagine the pain and grief you are going through, and the hatred you must feel against the hospital and insurance company. I'm really sorry for you.

And I'm really sorry for you too, Iwant2bafencer. No pain is the same, but I think I can imagine how you feel.

Alas, I'm not very good at poetry in english, but I think the Walt Whitman (?)poem recited in that film "Four weddings and one funeral" (I'm sorry if the translation isn't correct...) at the funeral is really good. Perhaps it's more appropriate for when lovers/partners die, but I really like it anyway...



// Zz --- Ulrika

[counter riposte]

Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809–1892)

Tears, Idle Tears

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O Death in Life, the days that are no more!

[Catlady]

I am sad for all of you who have lost someone recently. The ambulance survey was probably the result of a computer program, meaning they send one to anyone who has used the ambulance service. However, the other driver's behavior was inexcusable. I'm afraid, I'd just tell him, "Look, my father's dead, but if you think you can get ahold of him, you're welcome to try". There's is a point when this nearly become comical. My mother's dad has been dead now for fourteen years--strange to think that he has now been out of my life longer than he was in it--, after his death we had his mail forwarded to my parents house and every so often we still get something addressed to him.

On the subject of a poem, most of the good stuff I can find centers on the death of a spouse or lover, but you might try this:

Fear No More the Heat o' the Sun
from Cymbeline by W. Shakespeare

Fear no more the heat o' the sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy wordly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages:
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers come to dust.

Fear no more the frowns o' the great;
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke;
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak:
The scepter, learning, physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning-flash,
Nor the all-dreaded thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy and moan:
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee!
Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!
Quiet consumation have;
And renownéd be thy grave!

You might also look for a poem called In Memoriam by Alfred Lord Tennyson. It's quite long, in fact long enough to comprise a chapbook by itself, but it is one of the better known poems on grief and death. It's possible that you could read a part of it.

Even better, you might try writing something yourself. Even if you don't consider yourself a good writer, and even if it's true that you really aren't, in these cases it's often the emotion that counts much more than the quality. Meaning it would likely mean more to your friend's family and his other friends that you expressed your heartfelt sentiments and composed something specifically for him, than that you have produced the next great literary classic.
I won't say I understand how you feel, but I do know the situation of mourning someone who feels like family, but isn't. I was very close to the woman who taught me piano, and I wanted to at least have some of her sheet music, and he husband had told me many times that I was more than welcome, however he died before she did, and I wasn't sure how my intrusion would sit with her surviving family. One comfort in her case at least though was that she was very sick before her death and couldn't have been too happy or comfortable, so her death was a bit of a relief. What I really would have like was her piano. It was an old beat up thing, but despite being an upright it had a very long soundboard so that it had richer tones than most upright pianos do. However due to not wanting to offend and having nowhere where I could realistically store it, I didn't say anything. I just hope that her family members recognized that despite it's battered exterior, due to a sucession of less than gentle piano students, and I'll admit that some of that damage is mine, it was a great instrument and that they found it a good home.
In light of the deaths of various people lately, your friend, Corey Stauble, etc., I feel I should offer the following sentiment. You may take it how you want and if it doesn't fit your belief, and you are offended by it, please put it down to me being silly, not to me trying to force anything on you.
Here goes, science states that matter is never destroyed, and I believe that that applies to us as well.

[Iwant2bafencer]

Thank you everyone for all your help. It is really apriciated. I'll be speaking tomorrow, and all of your poems and thoughts are helping me get courage, and thought. Thanks again.

Counter Riposte I did a part of Tears Idle Tears, but I had forgoten about it. Thanks for reminding me.

------------------
Carpe Diem
Ad Asha

[Moonitic]

grrr..Heidi, sue the creeps for harassment!

Iwant, I'm so sorry to hear. My only comfort can come from the Beatitudes (that's in the Bible, folks):

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall find peace.

If every one of us could have someone (even just one person) love us SO much when we die, we have truly left a great legacy. Certainly something money can never buy, and evil can never conquer.

[Zelda]

Moontic that is so true about having just one person love you completely.

[Iwant2bafencer]

Aye it is true. Thanks Moon.
Oh and I agree you should sue them for harasment. Or tell them to bite you that works sometimes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

------------------
Carpe Diem
Ad Asha

[shyHeidi]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Helvetica, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Helvetica, Arial">Originally posted by Iwant2bafencer:
<strong>Aye it is true. Thanks Moon.
Oh and I agree you should sue them for harasment. Or tell them to bite you that works sometimes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

------------------
Carpe Diem
Ad Asha</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Helvetica, Arial">I don't think the ambulance thing could be a computer's fault, they couldn't have set it up to automatically send surveys to everyone, when people often die in an ambulance ride...
Even the doctor sent a bill to him... I'm rather detached from it all and it's all almost comical because it's so rediculous. And the other car involved might possibly sue, though they only got a little scratched up.
Well life goes on.

How'd the reading go?

[Iwant2bafencer]

Actually I didn't get to read it until earlier today. We went and spread his ashes at his favorite spot, and his wife asked me to read.
I read:

A famous Aviator/Author Earnest K. Gann once wrote;

You are standing upon a shore... somewhere.

A ship before you spreads her white sails and starts for the blue ocean.
She is a beautiful and strong ship and you watch her until she hangs like a
speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with
each other.

Then someone at your side says, "There... well, well, She's gone."

Gone where? From your sight -- that's all. She is just as large in mast
and spar as when she left your shore, just as strong and able. Her
diminished size is in you, not in her, and while someone at your side is
saying, "She's gone... " there are other eyes watching her coming and ready
to take up the glad shout, "There she comes."

E.K.G.

I think it went quite well. I read first, then her step daughter, her daughter, and herself. Then we all said our goodbyes, and headed on our way (after lunch of course). I feel like I've finally said goodbye, and that he's still here in our own little ways.

-------------------
Carpe Diem
Ad Asha

<small>[ 08-11-2002, 12:30 AM: Message edited by: Iwant2bafencer ]</small>