Fencing.Net - Your Guide to Fencing & Fencing Equipment

It · 07-26-2002, 02:40 AM

I saw this on a T-shirt from a guy in Texas. I could only remember Five of them..........Sorry. But feel free to add on!

[list]
5. Your opponent has a nickname for each weapon
4. Corporate Sponsor
3. Uses Jedi mind tricks to influence judges in their favor
2. Has a lacky to carry all their equiptment
1. 0-15 in under a minute

[ 07-26-2002, 06:41 AM: Message edited by: It ]

Zelda · 07-26-2002, 04:51 AM

6. People actually make a path for them when they walk into a venue.

Gav · 07-26-2002, 05:07 AM

7. They have their own theme tune

8. Everbody gasps when you tell them who you're Fencing.

three_hundred_fifty_five · 07-26-2002, 05:22 AM

I've won 15-0 in less than one minute. At first, I fenced her to see how good she was. After seeing she was a novice, I just did a string of simple attacks and kept on scoring as quick as possible, merciless... yet fun.

10. Your opponent uses you as practice for the harder bouts.
9. Your opponent practices their scoring yell, modifying it each time they score to make sure they sound cool.
8. Your opponent does show-off moves for their girlfriend and/or friends.
7. Your opponent switches to the traditional fencing en garde (back arm up with wrist hanging loose) for kicks.

darius · 07-26-2002, 10:00 AM

11. "Oh, sh**, he can hit on the front, too?"

veeco · 07-26-2002, 11:43 AM

12- Your opponent can play xylophone with your vertebrae
13- Your opponent uses a French grip
14- Your opponent's name ends with -in, -sky, or -ov
15- Your opponent looks like a cold blooded killer.

[ 07-26-2002, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: veeco ]

D'Artagnan1673 · 07-26-2002, 11:51 AM

I like numbers 13 and 14.

Esp. 14 since many French grip fencers are just newbies.

D'Artagnan1673 · 07-26-2002, 12:13 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by three_hundred_fifty_five:
I've won 15-0 in less than one minute. At first, I fenced her to see how good she was. After seeing she was a novice, I just did a string of simple attacks and kept on scoring as quick as possible, merciless... yet fun.

<hr /></blockquote>Evil, pure evil.

On the switching to tradional form, I've done that before. It was because I felt that I was getting beaten because I was out of control. However, I quickly switched back because I realized I was too tired and lazy to keep my arm up and not bounce.

Peach · 07-26-2002, 02:21 PM

16. Your opponent scores using a different action for every touch, just to keep from being bored.

damianip · 07-26-2002, 02:27 PM

17. Fifteen separate bruises in a beautiful geometric pattern utilizing your torso and each limb.

Paolo

counter riposte · 07-26-2002, 03:28 PM

18. Your opponent yawns as you are attacking, and still gets the touch.
19. You keep slashing at air on every ripost.
20. Your opponent thinks of you as target practice.

135711 · 07-26-2002, 03:54 PM

i can never tell. but if a fencer is a lot larger or heavier than me, i understand that it will be very difficult for me to fence them.

shyHeidi · 07-26-2002, 10:46 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Peach:
16. Your opponent scores using a different action for every touch, just to keep from being bored.<hr /></blockquote>21. Your opponent scores using the same action for every touch, and every time it works.

maniacalfencer · 07-27-2002, 08:36 AM

22. Your opponent takes requests on where to score a touch from bystanders.

23. Your opponent snaps your suspenders...from the base of your knickers.

Peach · 07-27-2002, 08:53 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by shyHeidi:
21. Your opponent scores using the same action for every touch, and every time it works.

<hr /></blockquote>Gawd, ain't THAT the truth.

[ 07-27-2002, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Peach ]

veeco · 07-27-2002, 09:48 AM

Along the same lines:

24. In Epee, after the bout, you have to have a cast made around you big toe.

Purple Fencer · 07-27-2002, 12:39 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by maniacalfencer:
22. Your opponent takes requests on where to score a touch from bystanders.
<hr /></blockquote>25. You opponent does the "Called Shot" and points at a specific spot on your bod...then nails it.

Sabresque · 07-27-2002, 12:59 PM

26. In sabre, when your opponent scores almost all their touches on just faster advance lunges (well, slow advance, fast lunge) in a would-be simultanious action.

SäbelFechter · 07-27-2002, 03:21 PM

This could be a sign that you're fencing someone better than you. I saw something funny at the club a couple of nights ago. A guy and a girl were fencing epee together and on one exchange he somehow yanked her body-wire right out of her jacket. Everyone cracked up when they saw what happened. Has anyone else seen or experienced something like this?

swordsen · 07-27-2002, 03:58 PM

27. Your opponent never seems to move but always hits you.

[ 07-27-2002, 07:59 PM: Message edited by: swordsen ]