Youth Sport: Parenting Young Athletes the Ripken Way

[Mr Epee]

CNN interview with Cal Ripken entitled "Ripken: Kids' sports too pressurized"

Nothing ground breaking, but a good presentation of ideas.

Originally Posted by Excerpt

CNN: What's the best position that parents can play from the sidelines?

Ripken: If I were to give advice to a parent on how to watch the game or how to support their kids, I would say to think of yourself as a grandparent or a great-grandparent, if you want, where you've lived life and you've seen just about everything and nothing's going to surprise you on the baseball field. So I wouldn't overreact to the positive, and I wouldn't overreact to the negative. Just be there and watch and allow the game to unfold to the kids because, after all, they are the ones out there enjoying it. The things we do on the sidelines, whether it's over cheering or calling out their names or reacting negatively when something happens, all those are potential areas that can cause pressure. So if we just act like we are almost invisible, but support the right way by putting our arms around the kids when they need it and kind of encouraging them in a small way, I think that's the best way to watch.

[4qtrs]

I have read this before and it makes a great deal of sense, but being that dispassionate or withdrawn is difficult to do all of the time.

After six years of doing NACs with my kids, I have seen even the calmest parent lose it at some point.

I would gladly give the parent that can pull it off the label of Saint.

[RoninX]

I think becoming a saint require 3 miracles, not just one

[RITFencing]

Originally Posted by RoninX

I think becoming a saint require 3 miracles, not just one

In six years, there will be more than 3 opportunities.

I enjoyed the excerpt, and it's made me think of several parents. Not just the ones who are abusive, but the ones who try way too hard to help, so that regardless of their fencing knowledge, the tension becomes clear and the kids pick up on it, losing their own edge. Anyone else see something like this?

[RoninX]

Actually I think the "bad" ones just stand out. In all honesty most of the fencing parents I see here in the NW are pretty mellow, yet quietly supportive (at least at competitions) - especially compared to soccer parents.

[4qtrs]

Originally Posted by RoninX

I think becoming a saint require 3 miracles, not just one

After all of the time, money, and politics, one miracle would be enough for me.

I do agree though, that most of the parents that I see are there supporting their kids and kids in their Division, Sections and kids they have just meet because the they fenced a good bout.

[fencerbill]

Originally Posted by RITFencing

In six years, there will be more than 3 opportunities.

I enjoyed the excerpt, and it's made me think of several parents. Not just the ones who are abusive, but the ones who try way too hard to help, so that regardless of their fencing knowledge, the tension becomes clear and the kids pick up on it, losing their own edge. Anyone else see something like this?

I have seen a good number of fencer-parent interactions. In my opinion one doesn't observe a unique interaction but an echo of the same interaction between them away from fencing.

Most of these interactions occur in private situations with only family and perhaps close friends.

What can become very unpleasant is when, usually the child, feels it has an audience and can get away with behavior that they wouldn't dare to exhibit in the private situation.

The parent who publicly criticizes anything less than perfection on the sporting scene, how do you think they treat the young person at home?

The quietly supportive parent who encourages and consoles, whose support is accepted and appreciated by the fencer, win or lose. I would expect that is the same interaction they enjoy wherever they are.

Sports is like opening the curtains on the big picture window. You can see a lot more of what is going on inside.

[seven6ty]

Parents are annoying in fencing.

[RoninX]

Originally Posted by seven6ty

Parents are annoying in fencing.

Always? Without question? Should no one who has procreated observe/coach/ref/participate in fencing?

[RITFencing]

Originally Posted by fencerbill

Sports is like opening the curtains on the big picture window. You can see a lot more of what is going on inside.

That's a very interesting point. If you'll indulge me in a bit of thead drift (gasp!) I think that it also holds true for the fencers' performance on the strip. Once fencers have been competing for a while, their personalities show through not just in what they do before and after each touch, bout or whatever, but in how they fence, what sort of tactics they use, etc. But then, one could say that personality is reflected in nearly everything we do, so is sport really so special in this case compared with, say, driving a car, cooking, or anything else?

[4qtrs]

Originally Posted by RoninX

Should no one who has procreated observe/coach/ref/participate in fencing?

You also forgot pay for fencing. Lessons, travel costs, NAC and tournament fees. Come on seven6ty, we have to be good for something?

[Peach]

Originally Posted by 4qtrs

You also forgot pay for fencing. Lessons, travel costs, NAC and tournament fees. Come on seven6ty, we have to be good for something?

I think seven6ty is rather young . . .

[sleepyweasle]

Originally Posted by 4qtrs

You also forgot pay for fencing. Lessons, travel costs, NAC and tournament fees. Come on seven6ty, we have to be good for something?

A funny anecdote (WARNING: contents involves mild thread drift) - before my daughter hits the strip for pools/DE's we have a ritual during which I kiss her on both cheeks and say good luck (as well as the inside joke du jour). One parent, observing our ritual, exclaimed, "She lets you KISS her??? I"m not allowed to even TOUCH my daughter before she fences!"

The funny thing is I have been through the "you can't watch me fence" period, the "you can't say ANYTHING!" and the "DON'T TOUCH" me periods with my kid...Now I can touch her (though not her chest protector straps - lord knows what would happen if I tried to straighten those out again!) AND talk to her (a little!) We mature together!

[fencerbill]

Originally Posted by sleepyweasle

We mature together!

We started off talking obout how the parents should not force the kids but to give kids the opportunity to grow and blossom on their own, as they will. A truth about fencing is that of all the kids exposed to fencing, I estimate that about 10% will become captivated with it. They almost can't not fence. It's like getting on a sled or skis at the top of the hill, once you start you go all the way to the bottom.

A lot of these captivated kids will get good, and a very few will go on to win World medals. But a lot of the others will have their successes along the way. It may be a novice or a local "E" event but someone will win it. And it will be their success.

The parents made it possible by paying for the classes and then the lessons and then the fencer's own equipment and then the rides to local tournaments and then going along to NACs and, for most of them, sitting there with darn little they can do except hand them a water bottle and pay the bills.

It is the child's success. Their very own success. Yes, someone else helped set the stage but it was the kid that scored the touches and prevailed. And that is something they will always have in them. The fencing successes that were all their own.

And, as Martha says, that is a good thing.

[4qtrs]

Well said FencerBill. I think that is a much better message for parents than Cal's.

[Mo]

Originally Posted by fencerbill

The parents made it possible by paying for the classes and then the lessons and then the fencer's own equipment and then the rides to local tournaments and then going along to NACs and, for most of them, sitting there with darn little they can do except hand them a water bottle and pay the bills.

It is the child's success. Their very own success. Yes, someone else helped set the stage but it was the kid that scored the touches and prevailed. And that is something they will always have in them. The fencing successes that were all their own.
And, as Martha says, that is a good thing.

The successes are their very own. I still cringe when people congratulate me over what my kid has done. After years of protesting I finally say thank you but it still feels disingenuous.
Most parents really love their kids and want them to be happy and get a fair deal. When you don't really understand what is going on, and people around you are saying to hang the ref, it makes things difficult.
Maybe it is time to give the parents a break.
The Momster

[RoninX]

Originally Posted by Mo

When you don't really understand what is going on, and people around you are saying to hang the ref, it makes things difficult.

The cure for this, of course, is learning what is going on. Fencing is not that difficult a sport to pick up, even ROW. Sit next to a coach or a knowledgable parent/fencer and ask them how and why they saw the actions and it becomes pretty clear. After your second tournament you ought to have a reasonable feel for what is going on. Don't ask your kid to sit next to you and explain it between bouts though If you just want to read a book while your kid fences (and I'm not saying you do) then understanding can be difficult to come by

Originally Posted by Mo

Maybe it is time to give the parents a break.

I think people are too hard on sporting parents as a whole, but as usual the whole group is colored by the deplorable, and often highly visible, actions of a minority of their members.

[fencerbill]

Originally Posted by Mo

The successes are their very own. I still cringe when people congratulate me over what my kid has done. After years of protesting I finally say thank you but it still feels disingenuous.
Most parents really love their kids and want them to be happy and get a fair deal. When you don't really understand what is going on, and people around you are saying to hang the ref, it makes things difficult.
Maybe it is time to give the parents a break.
The Momster

You shouldn't cringe, you are accepting congratulations for a different thing.

I congratulate you and all the other parents that have stuck it out through thick and thin and supported their fencers so that the fencers can achieve the accomplishment. You are being congratulated on the occasion of your fencer's achievement. And you should acccept the congratulations on behalf of yourself and on behalf of the parents of all the other fencers who are there.

Your fencer has just appointed you as the symbol for all the others.

Isn't it interesting that, three quarters of the way through the bout, you find the supporters of both fencers casting aspersions on the referee?

I believe that referees don't cheat. They may be imperfect and most will admit they wish they had some calls to do over. But remember:

95% is an A almost anywhere, and

Referees MUST be given an opportunity to develop. The best referees didn't start out that way. We may regret some of their calls but we have no right to abuse them. Hiss the hecklers, not the referee.