08-15-2006, 05:53 PM
|
#1 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: DC & Vancouver
Posts: 2,040
| The Thread of Atrocious Advice
Okay, post a question asking for advice, and then the next person to post must give BAD advice, and then post another question for the next person. The more creative, the better.
I want a Sabre mask but I can't afford one. How do I go about procuring funds for this purchase? Tell me, o atrocious advisors! | 
|  | | And now for this message... |
| |
08-15-2006, 06:00 PM
|
#2 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Athos FC ~)---------- San Francisco, CA
Posts: 2,170
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by cornflower I want a Sabre mask but I can't afford one. How do I go about procuring funds for this purchase? Tell me, o atrocious advisors! | You really dont need a mask, just hold your hand in front of your face while you're fencing. But, if you do insist on buying a mask, you can make money by pimping out your children. They have fun, you make money, everybody wins!
Q: I'm getting carpal tunnel from posting on F.Net all day, and I'm afraid it'll start affecting my fencing. What would you advice?
.
__________________
.
"I don't mind being the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn't this one." - Ozymandias
. | |
| | |
08-15-2006, 07:18 PM
|
#3 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,326
| A salve of crushed garlic, mint and pig dung, applied at least three times a day (four, if you live near the ocean), should help reduce the number of people who will fence you, thus eliminating some of your discomfort. Rub the concoction on the offending arm as well as the back of your neck, groin and both knees.
My boss is hitting on me, not-so-subtly suggesting I can get a hefty raise if I go on a very special date with him. Suggestions?
__________________
"Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?" - Zod | |
| | |
08-15-2006, 07:25 PM
|
#4 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Savannah, Ga
Posts: 6,018
| Go on a date with him, get a raise, make a sex tape (make sure you edit the tape and say no a lot), and then press charges and send him to jail after you sue him and get millions of dollars from the company.
How do you make a girl fall in love with you?
Last edited by Black Jeebus; 08-15-2006 at 07:30 PM.
| |
| | |
08-15-2006, 08:04 PM
|
#5 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2,062
| If you're a complete zero, but have access to drug dealers, slip her a dose of flunitrazepam ("roofie") and her mind will be free of any prejudices she had against you.
If the girl is me, shower her with money and jewelry. She's very materialistic, you know.
How do you make a guy fall in love with you?
__________________
"Bleeker's mom was possibly attractive once, but now she looks like a Hobbit. You know, the fat one, that was in the Goonies." -Juno MacGuff
Last edited by poor_nizzie; 08-15-2006 at 08:08 PM.
| |
| | |
08-15-2006, 08:13 PM
|
#6 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Savannah, Ga
Posts: 6,018
| Go ask a gay man for advice about eating hotdogs.
How do you hide a body so the cops don't find it? | |
| | |
08-15-2006, 08:50 PM
|
#7 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Long Island
Posts: 303
| Marinate and roast according to taste.
There are seemingly more and more silly games on F.net, and the worst part is, I find it funny and I participate, is this bad? 
__________________ Characteristically, I had been trying too hard, and remembered again that wonderful piece of advice given by a French thinker: Trouve avante de chercher--Valery, it was. Or maybe it was Picasso. There are times when the most practical thing to do is to lie down. | |
| | |
08-15-2006, 09:39 PM
|
#8 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: On the fencing strip.
Posts: 859
| Extremely. But luckily, you have noticed the disease before the true effects take place, such as red, sore eyes, from staying up late posting, finger cramps from writing numerous posts and a tendency to respond to any internet or other poll with "This poll is flawed." For treatment, immediately have a doctor examine you and he/she will provide a few possible treatments. Warning: the disease Gamethreaditis is very contagious and seems to circulate around members of f.net.
How do I convince my mother that fencing is not potentially life-threatening?
__________________
Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it.- William Shakespeare, fencer
It's a men's world. That's why the world is messed up.
| |
| | |
08-15-2006, 09:55 PM
|
#9 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Los Angeles/San Francisco
Posts: 2,004
| Wear your fencing jacket, and tell your mom to hit you with an epee as hard as she can. And then say, "See! I'm still alive!"
How should we recruit new fencers to the fencing club?
__________________
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
| |
| | |
08-15-2006, 10:17 PM
|
#10 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Shenandoah Valley, VA
Posts: 315
| We find that standing in the middle of the closest large church of whatever denomination happens to be biggest in your area, and offering at the top of your lungs to do a sword fighting demonstration immediately after the service you are attending brings in TONS of interested people. Especially if you do it during the boring part where the priest dude or chick is talking in some funny language that nobody really understands anyway. This can be really effective if you are wearing full ren fair or SCA type gear.
How do I get the voices to stop?
__________________
"A well-instructed people alone can be permanently a free people" -- James Madison
"Error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it" -- Thomas Jefferson | |
| | |
08-16-2006, 03:10 AM
|
#11 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Savannah, Ga
Posts: 6,018
| Scissors + eye + shove!
How can I impress a prospective employer during a job interview? | |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:05 AM
|
#12 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,343
| Shave your head and get a pentagram tattoo right in the middle of your forehead?
How do I catch the White Whale?
__________________
Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
| |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:09 AM
|
#13 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,503
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by sabreur How do I catch the White Whale? | You don't, it catches you.
What can I do to postpone the arrival of autumn? (  )
__________________
Fencing is my only PvP. | |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:13 AM
|
#14 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,343
| Throw a wrench into the gears of time.
How can I learn to love the dark?
__________________
Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
| |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:16 AM
|
#15 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,503
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by sabreur How can I learn to love the dark? | By switching to épée and joining the dark forces...you'll love it! 
How do I get to Greece the easiest way?
__________________
Fencing is my only PvP. | |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:19 AM
|
#16 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,343
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen How do I get to Greece the easiest way? | Find Odysseus, and whatever direction he goes, go the opposite way!
What's the best way to clean my desk?
__________________
Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
| |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:29 AM
|
#17 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Athos FC ~)---------- San Francisco, CA
Posts: 2,170
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by sabreur What's the best way to clean my desk? | Leaf blower! Or, if you're serious about your cleaning, dynamite's the way to go! Really takes out those stuborn stains, you know?
Q: If my cat scratches up my sofa, what's the best way to train him to not do it anymore?
.
__________________
.
"I don't mind being the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn't this one." - Ozymandias
. | |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:31 AM
|
#18 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 568
| The same way you clean your sabre jacket... don't!
How many foilists does it take to screw in a lightbulub?
__________________
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but why pick just one?
| |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:54 AM
|
#19 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 22,311
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by TrainingDummy
How many foilists does it take to screw in a lightbulub?
| Not really a request for advice, is it?
But in any case---none, because even the smallest of foilists is still too large to fit into a lightbulb, and in any event foilists are asexual. Thank goodness.
How do I make f.net stop logging me off in the middle of writing a lengthy post? ( Because I HATE that. )
__________________
Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
| |
| | |
08-16-2006, 04:59 AM
|
#20 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,343
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Inquartata How do I make f.net stop logging me off in the middle of writing a lengthy post? ( Because I HATE that. ) | I always thought you screwed foilists into light fixtures pointy-end (head) first....
Answer to your question, which for anyone BUT you would be good advice, but because you are you and refuse to surrender, it is atrocious advice:
GET A NEW COMPUTER!
How would one get Inq to listen to him/her?
__________________
Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
| |
| | |
