05-31-2007, 11:39 PM
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#1801 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| Re-enact the ice age in your office- dress up like a caveman, make cave paintings on the walls, and crouch on the floor making a small fire. When people walk by, jump around the fire and make monkey noises. Management will get the point eventually.
My class ring is stuck on my finger. What should I do? | 
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05-31-2007, 11:49 PM
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#1802 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Earth
Posts: 3,029
| get some butter, rub it on your finger, and then let all the people watching point and laugh
How should I ask a gril out?
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I want to live a romantic life, the kind no one believes really happened Live Chat A person desperately searching for love is like a fish desperately searching for water. | |
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05-31-2007, 11:58 PM
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#1803 | | Question Game Queen
Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Southern Canadia
Posts: 15,599
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Originally Posted by Timo  How should I ask a gril out? | Go up to it, say, "Hey baby, I'm not really hot for the stove anymore, and there's a bun in the oven but I swear it's not mine, how about you and me get together and see what heats up?"
How do I survive the next seven months without seeing my boyfriend? | |
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06-01-2007, 01:54 AM
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#1804 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 577
| Karma
Your Question: How do you survive next 7 months w/o bf. Atrocious Advice: I have no idea - how about - fence every day for five hours. Question: How can I buy a new house or condominium without any collateral or money whatsoever because everything that I have owned or presently owned is waterlogged and I have bad karma or something.  | |
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06-01-2007, 11:49 AM
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#1805 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| First, you must get rid of the karma. Have the strangest member of your club perform an exorcism of bad karma, and steal karma from someone else to replace it. Don't replace it with dogma, those chew up furniture and pee everywhere.
How does one rationalize spending $30 on a pair of flip flops? | |
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06-01-2007, 04:35 PM
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#1806 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: redneckvill Oklahoma
Posts: 3,536
| Spray on tan, Bad bleach job, fake breast, and "Like you like want me to like, like rationmex...like that word." 
How do I get my family to obey me  ?
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“That’s not seduction! That’s ‘I made pudding’!”~Fabrice~
"They were not as far as appearance goes, anything but two soldiers at opposite poles from each other, but first of all they were both artists"
~Eugenio Corti, The redhorse.~ | |
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06-01-2007, 08:59 PM
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#1807 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Norcal
Posts: 510
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Originally Posted by Sword Hobbit How do I get my family to obey me ? | Start offering to make meals on a fairly frequent basis. You can either
a) Slip them a poison (iocane powder works well I hear), and start commanding them around while holding the antidote hostage.
b) Slip them large doses of crushed valium. Valium seems to make people a tad bit more agreeable.
I'm skipping fencing tonight due to my little brother's birthday. I have a tournament this weekend. How do I ensure my victory despite being sick and not very well-practiced?
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Do not meddle with dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
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06-01-2007, 11:09 PM
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#1808 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2,128
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Originally Posted by remistress I'm skipping fencing tonight due to my little brother's birthday. I have a tournament this weekend. How do I ensure my victory despite being sick and not very well-practiced? | Go around to all the other competitors' water bottles and discreetly add arsenic to each. Not enough to kill them, but just enough to force them to withdraw from the event. Then you'll win by default!
I have piles and piles of clothes that don't fit me anymore. Apart from giving them to my cousin or to Goodwill, how should I get rid of them?
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"Bleeker's mom was possibly attractive once, but now she looks like a Hobbit. You know, the fat one, that was in the Goonies." -Juno MacGuff | |
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06-02-2007, 09:49 PM
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#1809 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2007 Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 159
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Originally Posted by poor_nizzie I have piles and piles of clothes that don't fit me anymore. Apart from giving them to my cousin or to Goodwill, how should I get rid of them? | Walk along the street and hand them out to random people who you think need help with their wardrobe.
I absolutely hate doing laundry and usually wait until the last minute to do it, which means that about eight loads have piled up. I'll even go shopping just to avoid doing laundry for a couple more days. How should I fix this psychological problem of mine?
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+_+ I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one. +_+ --Mae West
Slogan in avatar:
"The fencing girl, you can surely say, has a point in her favor, anyway."
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06-03-2007, 10:24 PM
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#1810 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| go to the pet store and get a jawa  tell it to do your laundry and vacuum. Life is good when you have a jawa to do your chores.
How do I fix all of the club's equipment and still have time left to get other things done? | |
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06-03-2007, 10:33 PM
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#1811 | | Member
Join Date: May 2007 Location: Southern Ohio
Posts: 37
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Originally Posted by lefty_monster go to the pet store and get a jawa tell it to do your laundry and vacuum. Life is good when you have a jawa to do your chores.
How do I fix all of the club's equipment and still have time left to get other things done? | Intentionally cause it to short out, and then when everyone gets electricuted, they will be forced to buy more. Or burn it all.
Q: How can I teach my dog to piddle outside insted of my bed?!?!? | |
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06-04-2007, 12:44 AM
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#1812 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Indiana, PA
Posts: 984
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Originally Posted by aidensdad1127 Q: How can I teach my dog to piddle outside insted of my bed?!?!? | Move the bed outside.
How can I keep my 3.5 year old from waking up in the middle of the night?
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"Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth. - Lazarus Long, Time enough for Love, Robert A. Heinlein
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06-04-2007, 03:16 AM
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#1813 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: West Coast
Posts: 2,414
| Take his sippy cup and mix three ounces of Everclear in with the apple juice. Crush 3 Benadryl tablets into the mixture and serve him a cupful of "Mommy's Special Nite-Nite Juice" 45 minutes before your bedtime.
You'll never hear a peep out of him all night long. And sometimes, till noon the following day. Just be sure to have a pre-mixed bottle of "Mommy's Special 'Hair of the Dog'" on hand for when he does wake up.
I've decided to become an UFC fighter. How should I train for my first fight?
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"Fraud is the creation of trust. And then: its betrayal."
William Black, Ph.D.
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06-04-2007, 04:29 AM
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#1814 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Melbourne, North Korea
Posts: 305
| Remember combat is a mental game. You need to spend the months leading up to your first fight sharpening your mental skills. Do crosswords, wordsearches, attend trivia nights, watch game shows, do puzzles, solve riddles, play chess or checjers or backgammon anything that requires the formation of tactics and planning and setting up your opponent. Forget about that whole rocky shin-dig! If he'd done his crossword daily he'd never have had to run miles and miles and lift weights each day.
I got to my computer in the morning only to find it had restarted and was displaying "DISK BOOT FAILURE." What can I do about my dying hard disk? | |
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06-04-2007, 05:29 AM
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#1815 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| Viagra?
How do I stop procrastinating about reserving a flight to Miami for Nationals?
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Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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06-04-2007, 09:29 AM
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#1816 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| Walk to miami.
how much time should Inq allow himself for traveling? | |
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06-04-2007, 01:47 PM
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#1817 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: West Coast
Posts: 2,414
| From the desert Southwest? I'd say if he starts the bag-drag from his house about three hours before check-in, he'll get there in plenty of time to sign in and light up a flamagel.
I'm tired of our dogs eating small dog food pieces and then dropping large, processed dog food pieces in the yard. Any practical way to alleviate this problem?
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"Fraud is the creation of trust. And then: its betrayal."
William Black, Ph.D.
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06-04-2007, 06:16 PM
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#1818 | | Member
Join Date: May 2007 Location: Southern Ohio
Posts: 37
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Originally Posted by Capt. Slo-mo From the desert Southwest? I'd say if he starts the bag-drag from his house about three hours before check-in, he'll get there in plenty of time to sign in and light up a flamagel.
I'm tired of our dogs eating small dog food pieces and then dropping large, processed dog food pieces in the yard. Any practical way to alleviate this problem? | Stop feeding them!
How do I keep ground moles out of my yard? | |
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06-05-2007, 05:44 AM
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#1819 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| Quote:
Originally Posted by aidensdad1127
How do I keep ground moles out of my yard?
| Quit grinding them up. Whole moles are much less problematic.
How do I prevent the steering wheel of my car from burning my hands after sitting all day in the hot sun?
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Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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06-05-2007, 11:26 AM
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#1820 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Passing you on the inside... vroom
Posts: 1,299
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Originally Posted by Inquartata How do I prevent the steering wheel of my car from burning my hands after sitting all day in the hot sun? | Fill your car's interior with luxurious shaving cream whenever you park it.
For good measure, you should fill your shoes with it as well. Nobody knows why this works.
I seem to have become addicted to cookies. Is there a cure that allows me to still eat them in the future?
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Freedom of speech makes it easier to spot the idiots. | |
