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Senior Member
Array 
 Originally Posted by campb1pr How do I fit both my golf clubs and my fencing bag into the trunk of a new Ferrari? The correct answer would be: Go to a shrink, first to get your issues with your masculinity resolved, so you don't have to drive a Ferrari because you have Bob Dole disease, then work on resolving your obvious passive-aggressive disorder, which leads you to play golf (passive) and fence (aggressive).... Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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Posting Hound
Array 
Originally Posted by sabreur How do I find the semi-perfect lover? 1) Go to the nearest truck stop.
2) Look over the semi
3) Find the trucker that seems "perfect"
4) Enjoy a night of passion in his/ her semi.
How do I stop posting on f-net and get ready for my vacation? Beer, it's whats for dinner! ~ a young snowboarding Canadian
The meek don't want it! ~ sticker on a rock band's guitar
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Senior Member
Array 
Originally Posted by Fencergrl How do I stop posting on f-net and get ready for my vacation? Take a baseball bat and smash all the computers in your house. Just to be on the safe side, go to your friends houses and smash their computers too, just so you aren't tempted.
How can I make my car go faster? One test is worth a thousand opinions.
I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. - Toby Keith
Living life without taking the occasional risk is like lemon-pepper chicken without the lemon-peper. It's just chicken.
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Senior Member
Array
Originally Posted by parrythis How can I make my car go faster? Put a couple of JATO packs on it (see the Darwin awards for more advice about this).
How do I get my dogs to let me brush them? Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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Posting Hound
Array 
Originally Posted by sabreur How do I get my dogs to let me brush them? Starve them for a week. They'll do anything for food after that!
How can I make myself a n evening snack without actually having to get up and go out in the kitchen?
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Senior Member
Array 
Live in a Chinese resturant that does delivery.
How can I continue to get paid without actually having to get up and go to work? Fail until you succeed!
Ka-riposte back atcha Purple!
Disgruntled Employee of the Month.
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Senior Member
Array 
Originally Posted by Morion
How can I continue to get paid without actually having to get up and go to work?
Get pregnant and insist on an 18 year paid leave to birth and raise the child.
How do I avoid washing dishes after making a mess in the kitchen?
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Senior Member
Array 
Just throw them out and buy new ones.
I'm exhausted after a hard week at work and I need to get up early in the morning to get ready for my holiday. What sort of advice can you give me to be bright, breezy, packed and ready to go by 10am? Louweasel
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from" [Eddie Izzard]
"she might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts"
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Senior Member
Array 
Originally Posted by Louweasel Just throw them out and buy new ones.
I'm exhausted after a hard week at work and I need to get up early in the morning to get ready for my holiday. What sort of advice can you give me to be bright, breezy, packed and ready to go by 10am? Do a couple lines of coke at 9am. RebelFencer's Awesome Quote of the Week:
"Encouraging the average age of first intercourse to go below 16?"
-Army Fencer
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Senior Member
Array
What should we do about posters who don't supply the next question? Fail until you succeed!
Ka-riposte back atcha Purple!
Disgruntled Employee of the Month.
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Senior Member
Array 
roast them over a spit.
i'm out of aspirin. what do i do? I am but mad by north-north west. When the wind is southerly i know a hawk from a handsaw. -Hamlet
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Senior Member
Array
Go to the drugstore, supermarket, etc.... or suffer in silence... or switch to ibuprofen.
What am I doing up at this hour?
whups, wrong thread.
Zasha--hit yourself over the head with a hammer--it will distract you from other, minor pain.
How do I ensure I get a good night's sleep?
Last edited by sabreur; 08-18-2006 at 07:55 PM.
Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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Senior Member
Array 
strap lead weights to your ankles and run 3 miles in under 20 minutes before going to bed
whats the best way to write my english essay? Fencing: Violence is a way of life!!
The Easter bunny is unstoppable!!
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Senior Member
Array 
hmm...why write it? why not just go on the 'net and plagiarize the paper then write exactly where you got it from in your bibliography section, 
what's the best way to go used car shopping?
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Originally Posted by glowstix what's the best way to go used car shopping? Get a large amount of cash and just keep telling salesmen about it until one of them gives you a car.
All my friends are leaving for college and my parents are going away, so I have a week alone in my house with no friends and nothing to do. How should I spend it?
(glowstix, I've seriously done things along those lines before.)
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Senior Member
Array 
Slit your wrists. Pour brine. Repeat at least 10 times a day. The pain will keep your mind off it.
I want to drive. But i'm still underage... How do i go drive?
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Senior Member
Array 
Just con your way into a job as a film executive. You'll get a luxury car in no time. Oh, and laying on a few well-placed "Marry me!"s will dissuade anyone that you're underage.
How should I spend my last day home? "Bleeker's mom was possibly attractive once, but now she looks like a Hobbit. You know, the fat one, that was in the Goonies." -Juno MacGuff
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Posting Hound
Array 
Eating chocolates and watching soap operas.
What should I do with my $5000 stipend next summer?
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Senior Member
Array
get a mcdonald's in your basement.
what should i eat for breakfast? I am but mad by north-north west. When the wind is southerly i know a hawk from a handsaw. -Hamlet
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Posting Hound
Array
McDonald's.
What should I pack for my four-day trip to Florida?
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