The Thread of Atrocious Advice

[chiiluver]

Find a fat orange tabby, and make him regurgitate a lasagna whole.

my compressed air duster is running out of air, how do i fill it back up?

[The Chaotic Wind]

Thats an easy one, just blow into it really hard! When you feel dizzy, you're probably about there?

How can i look less ugly?

[chiiluver]

Put on a dress like mine. =)

how do fix a floor cable that's underneath the floors of the salle without tearing everything apart?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

how do fix a floor cable that's underneath the floors of the salle without tearing everything apart?

Fly down to Mexico or Canada -whichever one is farther away- and start digging a tunnel in the direction of your salle. When you get there, just dig upwards until you find the cable and replace it. Then light the floor on fire just for the heck of it and then run all the way back through your tunnel to the salle so that you can watch it burn up. Note: make sure to video tape the fire and post it on f.net so that we can all see the pretty flames and send you sympathy card.

My neighbor approached me with an offer to get a job at his new business, how do I decide if I really want to get the job or if I'd rather just wait and look for another one or enjoy a summer without a job?

[The Chaotic Wind]

Tie them to a spinning whell of fortune type thing and throw knives at the following categories:
Work, Play, Jack's Dull.
Lands on work, take the job,
Lands on plyy, don't take the job.
Lands on Jack's a dull boy, take your friend out for some jack dniels to take the edge off and see where things go.
If the knife hits your friend, find something else to do.

When trapped in Dr.Badguys death trrap, how can I survive?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

When trapped in Dr.Badguys death trrap, how can I survive?

Make sure to get hit by a radioactive beam of energy; then you'll gain a super power and hopefully be able to escape. You most likely will shot by a sniper and die though, but at least you survived the trap.

I have to register for classes soon and I'm not sure what classes I want to take. I have to take English and another Calc. class. But I'm still deciding on CAD and possibly a biology class or a drawing one. What should I do?

[ParryRiposte]

I have to register for classes soon and I'm not sure what classes I want to take. I have to take English and another Calc. class. But I'm still deciding on CAD and possibly a biology class or a drawing one. What should I do?

Take them all simultaneously. Make sure they are all at the same time at opposite ends of the campus. If you get hit by a radioactive beam, then you might be able to maintain a C average in all your classes.

What's the best way to gloat over victory?

[Windsetter]

Call yourself Inquartata.

How do I get over a case of insomnia?

[chiiluver]

If it's just one case, just ride it through the night. If it's repeating, well, you got a lot of nights to ride through.

How do I avoid the one hour jump from Daylight Savings? I woke up and missed church because of it.

[fences_like_a_lemur]

How do I avoid the one hour jump from Daylight Savings? I woke up and missed church because of it.

Become president and change it back, or become the religious head of your church and change the time of mass.

I'm a little low on cash at the moment but I don't want to go to the money machine; what would be a good way to get some cash soon?

[Rabid Monk]

Rob someone.
Remember to wear a mask.

How can I teach other dirvers that turn signals are to indicate what they are going to do, not what they are currently doing?

[ParryRiposte]

Bust out their lights and gesture wildly. If you do it primitively enough, they just might get the point.

What should I get a lemur for his birthday?

[D'Art]

What should I get a lemur for his birthday?

Pregnant. You will also benefit from this due to your appearance on Jerry Springer, which will instantly make you a hero in Hicksville.



How do i persuade my work to actually pay me my holiday pay?

[Rabid Monk]

Refuse to work on holidays until they do.

Where can I buy a compass?

[ParryRiposte]

Steal one from Maddox the pirate.

Bloody Yahoo Mail is down again. How do I punish whomever invented it?

[chiiluver]

switch to hotmail just cause it's hot-ter than yahoo.

how would i use Heely shoes in fencing?

[ParryRiposte]

By performing a flunge by pushing off your heels.

What's the best way to tell if your husband is cheating on you?

[parrythis]

What's the best way to tell if your husband is cheating on you?

Ask his girlfriend.

What's the best way for a guy to talk his wife into participating in a threesome with him and another hot woman?

[ParryRiposte]

Get them to start dating each other. If they like each other, then it will probably work out.

What's the easiest way to keep a toddler quiet?

[UnorthodoxEpeeist]

Bag it.

My little 4-year old cousin recently entered the "I love bugs and creeper crawlers" point in his young, kiddy life. What should I do to prevent him from eating any?