The Thread of Atrocious Advice

[ParryRiposte]

Coroner.

How does one go about asking a friend for a loan?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Well you could 1.) sneak up behind them and just steal their wallet/purse 2.) use a carbomb and then take what remains of the wallet/purse 3.) sneak up behind them and try to mug them 4.) just walk up and ask them -boring- 5.) walk up and threaten them to give you money. In all of those, you could later give them their money back.

If I don't want to be a coroner and want a GOOD -see below- job, what should I do?

[ParryRiposte]

Waste management always has a few openings. Helping the community one by one!

The fencing club needs a motto. Have any ideas?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

The fencing club needs a motto. Have any ideas?

NO! THEY ARE NOT SHARP! -the most common answer to the most common question posed by most non-fencers-

I am still wondering if there is a GOOD -still see below- job, that is also clean and rather interesting and non-smelly. Preferable a job that you wouldn't be imbarased to tell everyone about...

[ParryRiposte]

Er... this is, after all, the Thread of Atrocious Advice... so let's see... Michael Jackson's entourage?

What should I cook for supper?

[jokey4444]

Er... this is, after all, the Thread of Atrocious Advice... so let's see... Michael Jackson's entourage?

What should I cook for supper?

I would recommend boiling up Beloit Fencer of Old's "18 year old Addidas fencing sneakers" with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

If I were given the opportunity to meet "President" Bush, how would you recommend that I introduce myself?

[ParryRiposte]

By giving him a big kick in the ass and saying, "Hello, I'm Osama Bin Laden and I'm your new best friend!"

What should we do in the next mission to the moon?

[JackOfHearts]

What should we do in the next mission to the moon?

Make a giant sign in the lunar terrain that says "Stay on Topic!"


My laptop doesn't have a power button and the headphone plug is broken, how can I convince the computer store person to let me use it as a trade in?

[ThatReallyHurt]

Paint the words "quad core" or some other buzzwords on it. Better yet, pay to have some pinstriping artist do it so it looks professional.

My nose is plugged... best way to fix it quick?

[ParryRiposte]

Haha! Carbomb!

How do I beat Halo?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Don't, just eat it

How do I get a halo?

[ParryRiposte]

By going to hell.

I should do a stand-up routine. What should it be about?

[JackOfHearts]

I should do a stand-up routine. What should it be about?

Problems with audiences of stand-up comics.

My neighbor still has his christmas lights up, and it's keeping me awake at night. How can I tell him to take them down without ruining my chances with his cute daughter?

[sabreur]

Wire cutters, infrared goggles, a dark night and a little imagination. Make sure the wire cutters are NOT insulated.

How do I get inspired this morning?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Go and call a shrink.

I burnt my thumb, how can I make it stop hurting so I can write without cringing?

[ParryRiposte]

Anesthesia and a hachet. Blam.

It's raining really hard, how do I make it stop raining?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Perform a Native American anti-rain dance.

I want there to be a thunderstorm with lots of lightning, how can I make that happen?

[ParryRiposte]

Kill yourself, go to the Elysian fields, find Hades and ask him to take you to Zeus, then in turn ask him for a lightning bolt to chuck at the earth. Repeat if desired.

A friend of mine is about to be subject to sudden death be a pair of flying platinum pants. How do I save him?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Don't, let him get killed by the flying platinum pants so that he can brag to St. Peter that he got killed in a unique way.

I think I might have a pair of pants flying my way, is there anything I can do to save myself?

[ParryRiposte]

Uhh, whoever said the pants were going to kill you? The pants may just be flying around for their own purposes. And if they do, then you may just become a saint.

My mom is being annoying. How do I get her to let me stay on f.net?