The Thread of Atrocious Advice

[ParryRiposte]

Part the rest of the car out and buy this.

Argg... I'm way over my head in debt! What do I do?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Go to your nearest bank and rob it.

My pillow is flat and I want a poofy one without having to go into town and buy one, what should I do?

[Have At You]

My pillow is flat and I want a poofy one without having to go into town and buy one, what should I do?

Eat many beans.

Sit on pillow.

Inflate.

[Caution: Do not smoke in bed or near methane-filled pillow]




I need to gain weight, but don't have time to eat. Suggestions?

[ParryRiposte]

Buy sumo suit. Inflate. You will be slightly heavier.

A tree just fell on my leg! There's no one around to help me! How do I save myself without amputating any limbs?

[scrapinpeg]

A tree just fell on my leg! There's no one around to help me! How do I save myself without amputating any limbs?

Use your keys to saw through the trunk directly above your legs. Be sure to only saw through the tree trunk, and not any of its limbs.


What is the best way to improve the industrial infrastructure of Bangladesh?

[The Rose Knight]

What is the best way to improve the industrial infrastructure of Bangladesh?

Reopen the Yugo factory in Bangladesh. Such quality production is sure to attract other such enterprises. Also, all corporations there should adopt the highly successful Enron model for doing business.

A fellow at the club asked if I'd fence with him and asked that I sharpen the point of my foil so that he'd feel more motivated to avoid touches. Is this a good idea?

~RK~

[fences_like_a_lemur]

A fellow at the club asked if I'd fence with him and asked that I sharpen the point of my foil so that he'd feel more motivated to avoid touches. Is this a good idea?

Of course it is, just make sure to get a written paper by him with his signature so that you aren't liable for anything; and also make sure that there are many witnesses to the signature.

I have to study for English by reading a really boring book that I don't want to have to read, what can I do to avoid this but still pass the class?

[The Rose Knight]

I have to study for English by reading a really boring book that I don't want to have to read, what can I do to avoid this but still pass the class?

Just watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail and try your best to imitate Graham Chapman. Speak and write in that idiom and your teacher is sure to be impressed and give you an 'A' no matter what the quality of your work.

My kids think my minivan is boring. How can I spruce it up?

[ParryRiposte]

Carbombs work wonders.

I think my English teacher is out to get me. How do I dispose of her as not to create a fuss?

[notalent]

Carbombs work wonders.

I think my English teacher is out to get me. How do I dispose of her as not to create a fuss?

Carbombs work wonders

I have to ref a foil open this sunday @9am how do I avoid missing the NFL playoffs that are later that day?

[D'Art]

Black card everyone. Not only will you get home early, it's also unlikely that you'll get asked to ref at any other events soon.

I have paperwork to do for work and can't be arsed. Any suggestions?

[Inquartata]

Haven't you been paying attention? CARBOMBS!

Although whether those are the ones made with Semtek or the ones made with Guinness and whisky remains to be clarified....

How can we best motivate the Tournament Committee to post the frikking event dates for Atlanta?

[scrapinpeg]

Surprisingly enough, the answer is NOT car bombs! (The Guinness and whisky kind are ideal for all other purposes.)

Simply post your concern in the Game Threads section here. They read those posts avidly, and will immediately act to rectify their oversight. Don't call or write, it just irritates them.



How do I overcome the pain in my knees I get after a long evening at the salle?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Tis obvious, CARBOMBS! Then you get to fence in a wheelchair and you will never have to worry about the pain in your knees...

The new building at my college is really confusing and I keep on getting lost in it, what should I do?

[ParryRiposte]

Carbomb.

No, I believe you should just rename all the floors yourself, refer to them in your own way. It's other people's problem if they get confused.

I have to write an essay on anything for english. What should its subject be?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Well, to be unique I'd have to say Molotov Cocktails...

I have to go read a bunch of pages in a grammer book for English but don't really want to, any ideas? ...other than carbombs?

[ParryRiposte]

There's the anti-carbomb... but I'd say stay on f.net and spend all of your time learning english from the experts.Or ask for a lesson fron Inq...

How do I stop my habit of procrastination?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Eat a carbomb...then you won't have to procrastinate.

I want a new car but don't have the money to get one, what should I do?

[ParryRiposte]

Make an anti-cabomb, that makes cars from nothing. Or, you could steal an Aston Martin from my conman uncle.

I need a job. What field should I enter?

[fences_like_a_lemur]

Fastfood, I don't think it would be hard to get a job there...

I want a GOOD -aka fun and purposeful, getting paid well would be nice too- job, any ideas?