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Thread: The Thread of Atrocious Advice

  1. 12-06-2006 11:33 PM #1041
    Sword Hobbit
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    Big gun.



    I'm hungry what should I eat?
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  2. 12-06-2006 11:42 PM #1042
    ParryRiposte
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    Three cups of pure barium!

    How does one go about firing someone?
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  3. 12-07-2006 08:55 AM #1043
    Asprin
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    Quote Originally Posted by ParryRiposte View Post
    How does one go about firing someone?
    Put them in a kiln.

    I have no money, how should I get some?
    Asprin
    Blackadder :But I thought we were fighting with swords.
    Wellington : Swords! What do you think this is, the middle ages? Only girls fight with swords these days.
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  4. 12-07-2006 11:10 AM #1044
    ThatReallyHurt
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    Take whatever money you have left and buy lottery tickets with it.

    What should I buy for my parents for Christmas?
    Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
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  5. 12-07-2006 06:20 PM #1045
    parrythis
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatReallyHurt View Post
    What should I buy for my parents for Christmas?
    I would go with a Chia Pet. If you're really feeling generous, add a Singing Bass.

    How do I stop a bad case of the hiccups?
    One test is worth a thousand opinions.
    I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. - Toby Keith
    Living life without taking the occasional risk is like lemon-pepper chicken without the lemon-peper. It's just chicken.
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  6. 12-07-2006 06:57 PM #1046
    scrapinpeg
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    A teaspoon of Drano should do the trick, permanently.



    I'm torn between listening to the BBC news and NPR on my internet radio while I work. How do I select which one of these two stations to listen to?
    Freedom of speech makes it easier to spot the idiots.
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  7. 12-07-2006 08:32 PM #1047
    ParryRiposte
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    Call up each station and ask which one you should listen to.

    What should I eat for supper?
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  8. 12-07-2006 08:50 PM #1048
    Beowulfman6
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    follow your dog- eventualy he will find something to eat. Join him.

    How do I study for a math final?
    "Being a good feind is like being a photographer, you have to search for the right moments."
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  9. 12-08-2006 09:20 AM #1049
    cornflower
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    Tear up your math text book, set it on fire, and piss on it.

    How do I study for a math final?
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  10. 12-08-2006 02:31 PM #1050
    Asprin
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    Drink loads of coffee (or something else with loads of caffiene), then bounce about.

    I want money, how should I get some?
    Asprin
    Blackadder :But I thought we were fighting with swords.
    Wellington : Swords! What do you think this is, the middle ages? Only girls fight with swords these days.
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  11. 12-09-2006 05:58 PM #1051
    ParryRiposte
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    Sit on the side of the road and look homeless. You might make a bit of money. Or - buy lottery tickets.

    What can I do to improve my fencing?
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  12. 12-09-2006 11:08 PM #1052
    ThatReallyHurt
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    You're not the problem. Buy new kit, all top of the line. You can't fence your best until you're wearing the best.

    There never seems to be enough time in the day to do what I need to do... what should I do?
    Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
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  13. 12-10-2006 03:57 AM #1053
    akaiyuki
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    Stay up. Sleep is overrated.

    How should I prepare for two finals on Monday?
    A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
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  14. 12-10-2006 09:15 AM #1054
    Dave
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    Quote Originally Posted by akaiyuki View Post
    How should I prepare for two finals on Monday?
    Try and cram the night before, then realise that you (and the person that you are revising with) can't pass the exam with out a minor miracle. Open a bottle of Laphroaig and drink half of it. Wake up the next morning and find that the the only thing worse than doing an exam that you haven't revised for is doing an exam that you haven't revised for with a hangover.

    How Dave failed his 3rd year electromagnetism exam.


    What should I get my mum for Christmas?
    http://www.readingfencingclub.net/index.php
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  15. 12-10-2006 11:19 AM #1055
    Have At You
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    What should I get my mum for Christmas?
    I find that my mums thrive with dry fertilizer, such as 5-10-5, 5-10-10, 5-20-20 or equivalent ,at the rate of two to three pounds per 100 square feet of bed area. Remember to pinch the tops off of new shoots.



    What's the best way to make homemade soap?
    "What did I tell you about being stupid? You don't get a birthday this year."
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  16. 12-10-2006 11:53 AM #1056
    ParryRiposte
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    Buy a bar of soap, put it in the blender with some water, after liquifying the soap then pour it on the road and wait for it to solidify.

    What should one do to speed the recovery of a broken limb?
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  17. 12-10-2006 07:20 PM #1057
    cornflower
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    Quote Originally Posted by ParryRiposte View Post
    Buy a bar of soap, put it in the blender with some water, after liquifying the soap then pour it on the road and wait for it to solidify.

    What should one do to speed the recovery of a broken limb?
    Have someone sit on it. That'll keep it still, so you won't move it around and further injure it.

    How can I best exact my revenge upon a very binty female?
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  18. 12-10-2006 11:15 PM #1058
    Have At You
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    Before I can answer that, I need to know what "binty" means.
    "What did I tell you about being stupid? You don't get a birthday this year."
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  19. 12-13-2006 03:36 PM #1059
    Inquartata
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    Find a group of Latina gang members, and ask them what it means. Be firm with them, they respect dominance and imperious manners.

    How do I find time for Xmas shopping, between work and fencing?
    Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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  20. 12-13-2006 05:24 PM #1060
    swordwench
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    Just email me your credit card number. I'll take care of all your holiday needs, Inq. Trust me. And I'm sure it will all arrive in time for Christmas, festively wrapped.

    I have one last trip to make to the mall to finish my own shopping. But I hate going to the mall even off-season. What will inspire me to make the trip?
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