The Thread of Atrocious Advice

[IHateMrPotatohead]

Grope her breasts. Girls love that.


How do I get to leave work early today?

[Black Jeebus]

Kill your boss, use a high caliber rifle that will penetrate whatever cubicle wall he sits behind, and then use your infrared scope to target him, and blammo! You will get to leave work early!

Should I save money for school or is there something else I should spend it on?

[gtmac]

Should I save money for school or is there something else I should spend it on?

DE_S_T, would you care to answer this one.

[Zasha]

what should i do to gtmac for not posting a question?

[campb1pr]

I would think that shutting off his flow of Rep might get his attention.... Wait - that's actual advice!

Try setting loose 10,000 flies in his apartment/home/cardboardbox/dwelling. This ought to teach him a lesson.


How do I get rid of the annoying fly in my office?

[Black Jeebus]

Have you tried chlorine gas? Just get gallons of bleach, and gallons of ammonia and mix them together. The key part to this is you have to make sure you do it yourself, with nothing hindering your own airflow. You have to make sure you inhale lots of the resultant gas to be sure you've got the right mix!

How can I acheive better living through chemistry?

[parrythis]

How can I acheive better living through chemistry?

Drugs!! Lots and lots of drugs! The harder the better. And alcohol. Preferably at the same time and in large quantities.

Now that she's divorceed from Charlie Sheen, how can I get Denise Richards to marry me, then divorce me and give me a huge cash settlement? (which I can use to finance my fencing)

[Morion]

According to Dr. Timothy Leary that is achieved by consuming lots of LSD!

How should I researh a new vehicle that I want to purchase?

[poor_nizzie]

Go to the junkyard and ask the owner to yank a sh*tbox out from under the pile of burned-out tires and broken appliances. Get in the car and close the door. If the wheels/doors/anything don't fall off, congratulations, you got a new ride.

How can I fit all my clothes and apartment accessories into my car?

[campb1pr]

Drive an old schoolbus. They get good gas mileage too.

How do I tell my wife that that dress does make her butt look big?

[swordwench]

Don't beat around the bush, and don't even wait for her to ask. Just go right up and tell her, "Honey, that dress makes you look fat. Now, what's for dinner?" While you're at it, you might want to *also* mention that she's putting on a little weight. Chicks love honesty.

What's the best way for me to lose 10 pounds really fast?

[poor_nizzie]

Cut off your head.

What should I do with my friend Bill tonight?

[seven6ty]

Have him over for a romantic night alone.

What should I do with my friend who is being a jerk? She used to be my best friend, but now we barely ever even talk.

[OROD]

What should I do with my friend who is being a jerk? She used to be my best friend, but now we barely ever even talk.

Have her over for a romantic night alone.

Q: If I see a cute girl walking down the street, what's the best way to meet her?

.

[Fencergrl]

Girls love having someone who's a good listener. Have some business cards made up indicating you're a therapist. They also like someone who's cool and hip and doesn't conform. For fun capitalize a couple letters such as "TheRapist"... women will flock to you.

How do I prevent getting sunburned while laying in my canoe?

[poor_nizzie]

Duct-tape yourself to the gunwales of the craft, then have someone flip it over so it's bottom-up. You'll be shaded from the sun.

How should I pass the time these last few days before I go back to school?

[swordwench]

Go on a 3-day bender and get uproariously lewd. Oh wait... that actually sounds like pretty good advice!

How about this...

Find all your notes from your courses last year, and study them. Buy the books for THIS year's classes early, and read the first 6 chapters of each.

How should I get my French pronunciation back to where it used to be?

[Go? Fencing?]

Take a trip to French Canadia with G?F? and talk to all the drunks you see lying on the street. That'll teach you to slur- I mean, pronounce- just like Rene Roch.

How can I avoid visiting my grandmother?

[Sciurus-Rex]

How can I avoid visiting my grandmother?

Teach her to fence well and take her to a tourney to compete. When you face her in the finals, talk some serious trash -- make fun of her granny panties, for example, or compare her skills to *her* grandmother.

She won't want you to ever visit her again.

How should I get my French pronunciation back to where it used to be?

Stand up, shake your legs a little, and if that doesn't work, make sure no one's watching and just pull it out of where it's creeped. A misplaced pronunciation can be darned aggravating after a while, especially during a long car trip. Ouch!

* * *

How does one poach an egg?

[parrythis]

How does one poach an egg?

My favorite question! Drive your car around for 15-20 minutes, preferably at high speed to get the engine nice and hot. Park the car, open the hood, and remove the radiator cap. PROMPTLY crack an egg and drop it in the radiator. This will not only poach your egg but also seal any leaks your radiator might have.

How do I convince my wife to let me date other women? (a possibly atrocious question in its own right!)